by bodigami » Mon 15 Oct 2007, 18:59:18
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('threadbear', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('zensui', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('threadbear', 'I') couldn't be an atheist if I tried. As difficult as it is for some people to develop a spiritual sense, I am wired to ponder "otherness" from an intellectual standpoint, but more importantly to feel it, to the point of almost touching it, or being touched by it.
I'm immersed in another presence at all times. It seems to appreciate honest emotion, if this makes any sense. It also seems to be nourished by grief and compassion, the kind of sweet sorrow that lies just a little shy of a sentimental O'Henry short story, and down a little dark alley that begins to slope upward slowly, and broaden into a field blazing with light.
It seems to be me and not me, at the same time. Whatever it is, it helps me whenever I request help.
I've been tempted to call on it to curse people who have driven me crazy with hurt, which usually segues into intense anger, but was able to contain myself. That was tough.
I know I'm not alone here. Many people feel the way I do and unfortunately many rush to take this body of experience and sensation and define it through a religious belief. I don't know what it is and I don't know what exactly is going on, but it seems to be a good thing.
My father's mother's family were ancestral Lapp shamans, though my father, himself is/was atheist. Maybe that's where it comes from.
Wayyyyyy too much information here. Oh well, perhaps some of you will relate to my experiences here and write more in depth about your own.
Through meditation I've developed an almost steady serene state... with sudden burst of pure happyness and absortion (but those were experienced on a short period of time... I haven't being able to be absorted in that way lately).
I suggest you search for within, cuss there lay all the important answers that you may have... cuss that pure feelings can be experienced on its essence, and you may be happy knowing thyself...
hehe, is that kind of the reply you were expecting?
People spend far too much time searching within. It can be a trap, a one way cul de sac of self reinforcing delusion. It can also be the road to atomization, alienation and self rejection from the tribe. Rudolph Steiner had some interesting things to say about why further detachment, through a life devoted to meditation, can be harmful for Westerners.
We come from a culture that is devoted to self. Oriental philsophies and super focus on meditation, which try to restore a necessary sense of self and serenity, aren't always appropriate for Westerners. We should be spending more time enhancing our ties to those around us, building real communities, becoming politically, intellectually, and emotionally articulate.
I WAS a big meditator several decades ago, and quit, never to return, because the world became just perfect for me. I was an untouchable behind bullet proof glass. Utterly detached and completely nonjudgmental. Not bad as a relaxation exercise, but it took over and creeped me out. I wasn't becoming more peaceful and loving, I was becoming autistic. I had WORK to do and meditating wasn't helping.
I'm speaking from my own experience here. I don't think life should actually be a quest for happiness and feelings of peace. It should be an education and a quest for compassion. Some of the most detached people I know, think they're loving when they really just couldn't give a sh**.