[ubercynicmeister]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Phebagirl', 'G')ood day from Pheba, From the farm:

I thought I would give a woman's point of view, especially a woman that has been able to have her cake and eat it at the same time.

[sameu]

ok, my ipod shuffle is broke

I bought it, lost the receipt, I didn't work properly and I can't return it to the store

150$ down the drain

you think you could convince your wife to do some charity and use here second ipod shuffle for something useful? just tell her it will make a poor kid very happy

on a more serious note, this is crazy, I'm a big fan of ipod too (such beautiful design) but buying every single model
ok if you're a big fan, why not, but buying everything in pairs, that's just crazy

A friend of mine used to be a huge materialist, he bought everything imaginable in the category of electrical appliances
now he says it was to fill a 'gap', to feel important, to feel he had succes
but he realises now that these things don't make you happy
true friends, a good relation with your significant other, with your family, that's what can fill that gap

and of course I don't know you or your wife, but maybe this is her way of telling you she needs more attention of you and my guess is she really is bored

why do teenagers do drugs, mostly cause they're just plain bored, and the negative attention, well, it's better then no attention at all


it seems you guys have to really talk about this and work on this
find something nice and meaningful you can do together (not shopping)
why not charity, and not just donating, get involved in a project, together

good luck!

[galacticsurfer]

I read this thread yesterday then watched Matrix on video with my wife as nothing was on TV. There is a scene where agent Smith interrogates Morpheus in a highrise office building and tells him that humans occupy an area, use up all resources then move on like a virus. I told my wife that I read this sort of thing all the time in internet. she said that it is all the men's fault. I said to her that women are always telling their husbands as she does to me"why don't you bring home more money? you're a loser! Wash your own laundry, no more sex if you can't get me this or that or a more expensive trip,etc." This has never been different I suppose. Ambitious women provoking their men to wars by saying they are just weaklings and similar such nonsense.

Ok who is really to blame for the mess we are in in the world, men or women? Maybe we should put this thread over to flaming already. It could get pretty nasty.

[Doly]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('galacticsurfer', '
')Ok who is really to blame for the mess we are in in the world, men or women?

[galacticsurfer]

My mom did that all the time we were kids in the 60s and 70s, buying endless dresses etc. 2nd hand. This was pefect as she grew up(born 1930) in the depression and the 2nd world war in England and then they kept the population on rationing till mid 1950s. My dad is even worse so she had no choice. My Mom says he had a girl friend before her but she was a spendthrift so it did not work out. My wife is good with money but bitches at me and is nervous as costs keep rising and my wages do not. She loves Super Mario which I downloaded with a simulator from Piratebay. Ths sort of thing is a good way to keep an addict busy, free downloads or other hobbies.

I have noticed that my focus on PO has started to change me in a certain way which is very beneficial to my relationship and helps reduce the frustration, fear and consumer addiction. that is all a symptom of the spiritual emptiness. After being a peaknik for several months and going from depression to depression I have started caring more about my family and others instead of focusing on the fear about whatever I just read or where the price of oil or the melting of the glaciers or the housing bubble bursting or the atomic war against Iran,etc. It is so that we cannot control what is going to happen at all really as we do not know what will happen regarding all these doomer scenarios. I have to live for today and see why my wife or kid is nervous or worried and hug them, touch them, show sympathy and not just focus on my worries. The more I do this the more I see positive results. she stops bitching and wanting things. The kids are better adjusted. I now understand why my Dad said to me they were all 7 kids happy in the depression and why he is such a softie for giving to the poor in the 3rd world or helping poor people. His heart is open and he never got caught up in this materialistic thing except for playing the stock market which is a hobby like monopoly for him. Otherewise he does not spend money.

[BlisteredWhippet]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Doly', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('galacticsurfer', '
')Ok who is really to blame for the mess we are in in the world, men or women?

[Doly]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BlisteredWhippet', '
')1. Never give a woman anything. Make her earn it. Otherwise she will not respect you.

[rushdy]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Doly', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BlisteredWhippet', '
')1. Never give a woman anything. Make her earn it. Otherwise she will not respect you.

[mgibbons19]

You ppl are truly fucked up.

Perhaps we have the relationships we deserve to have, no?

[PhebaAndThePilgrim]

GOod day From Pheba, from the farm:
Thanks Ubercynicmeister for the reply to my post. For another take on our mess we are in I reccomend the book: "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn, and "My Ishmael" also by Daniel Quinn.
I would love to see a post on the board about the books. They are connected to peak oil.
Who is to blame, men or women?
What a silly question. Look around you. Look at television commercials.
I am married to the most frugal man alive, yet he still spends money. We have two different checking accounts, one for the farm, one for the house. He buys big stuff, I buy little stuff.
He buys "sensible" stuff. I buy "Silly" stuff, lol.
He buys tractors, I buy second hand furniture.
We are a pared down version of most married couples in this country.
My son-in-law buys four wheelers and thousand dollar hunting rifles.
My daughter buys clothes and DVDs for the kids.
Watch television commercials and you will see how the different sexes are being marketed to.
The big trucks are marketed to men.
How many women want a heme (spelling?).
There is a commercial about a tooth whitener that is overtly sexual (sex sells most products), and is marketed to both men and women.
While diapers are still marketed to women with commercials during the day, have you noticed that more and more products that were formerly for women are now being marketed to both sexes?
I have noticed this.
I have also noticed that there are very few detergent commercials, soda pop commercials and commercials for toiletries on in the evenings. There seems to be an overwhelming number of commercials for vehicles, home loans, and forms of insurance, etc. Kind of has me wondering what is going on.
Men are not the problem, women are not the problem.
The entire mythology that we have based our lives on is wrong.
Daniel Quinn calls this "Mother Culture", as oppossed to "MOther Nature".
Pheba
PS, Ubercynicmeister, the lupus is better than it has been in 10 years. Actually, I have something called MCTD (Mixed COnnective Tissue Disease, lupus is easier to type, and is pretty much the same. ) I am under a new treatment. Regular conventional treatment was killing me. If you, or anybody else posting here knows anybody with an auto-immune disease, i.e., lupus/ra/scleroderma/polymyositis, etc. please visit a web-site: www.roadback.org. The treatment is giving my life back to me.
Pheba

[gary_malcolm]

The bottom line is that adults need to act like adults:

Plan ahead,
respect yourself and your partner,
understand the difference between posessions and happiness,
and be responsive to the goals and values of those around you.

If this does not sound like you or your spouse... it's time for a bit of introspection.

G

[NonToxic]

Sounds to me like your wife is using shopping to compensate for something else that is missing. You need to figure out what.

Someone else wrote complete financial separation is the only way. I have to agree. I went through the same situation and it was the only thing that worked. In the end I have to pay off her debt because she cannot but her charge cards have been destroyed.

[Auntie_Cipation]

While I agree with earlier posters that your wife's behaviors/perspective does seem to indicate a serious psychological condition and professional counselling might be in order, I'm also a firm believer of people's ability to "wake up" to the harm in their behaviors and to make changes on their own.

She reminds me a bit of the young wife and mother in the movie "On The Beach" which we saw earlier (Woodcutter posted a review on PO.com, http://www.peakoil.com/fortopic16919.html, since it's a very peak-oil-relevant movie). There's been a nuclear war, and the poisoned air is on its way, but no one knows exactly when. The young wife is in such denial that she refuses to allow her party guests to even talk about what they think is coming in the future. Eventually she does come out of her denial, but it takes a while and a determined husband to wake her up.

I'd recommend watching "Affluenza", "End of Suburbia" and any similar depictions of the coming reality/current situation you can find. (I think someone else recommended this already).

I'd also recommend getting a copy of a book called "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. http://tinyurl.com/dv3m2 It's a wonderful inspiration and a resource into seeing just how we've come to use money and possessions as a means of measuring our happiness in life, rather than looking at our core needs and values.

Read it yourself, discuss it with her, leave it lying around.

[BlisteredWhippet]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('rushdy', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Doly', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BlisteredWhippet', '
')1. Never give a woman anything. Make her earn it. Otherwise she will not respect you.

[ubercynicmeister]

Hi Phebagirl!

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Phebagirl', 'T')hanks Ubercynicmeister for the reply to my post. For another take on our mess we are in I reccomend the book: "Ishmael" by Daniel Quinn, and "My Ishmael" also by Daniel Quinn.

[crapattack]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '
')Mostly, though I know a few lesbians who like 'em. Mind you: they hate men and draw everyone's attention to the fact at every occasion.

Yet: they dress like men; Don't wash (themselves, and BOY do they reek!), they smoke (more than most men); drive huge vehicles (like men); swear like men, have more tattooes than men,...

[LadyRuby]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mgibbons19', 'Y')ou ppl are truly fucked up.

[Longsword]

I gotta say that if I set my personal situation aside, this is one of the most interesting threads I've read here. The opinions people contributed have been a great help, and hearing how others have dealt with the issue gave me the needed kick to do something about this.

An update on my own situation:

After tremendous fight, I instituted new rules: Couple of grand now go off from both of our bank accounts into investments each month, before she gets a chance to touch it. I also cut down our available cash by buying couple of thousand ounces of silver, and the credit cards are now reserved only for essential purchases which cannot be made with cash, and the cards are kept away from our wallets. She still gets to burn tons of her own money in junk, but at least it is her own earnings. This new equilibrium was achieved through some of the bitterest fighting in our relationship, but at least it is a start. I am still drowning in junk, but at least much smaller portion of our income goes into it.

Child issue is a trickier problem: when I married my wife she was adamant that she NEVER wants to have any children, full stop. Now she has done a complete 180-degree turn. I personally am very fond of kids, but I simply cannot justify bringing another human being to this world to lay waste to it. If the urge gets too great, I will adopt. But I doubt this will go down very well with my wife.

I feel like a test subject...

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Longsword', 'I') gotta say that if I set my personal situation aside, this is one of the most interesting threads I've read here. The opinions people contributed have been a great help, and hearing how others have dealt with the issue gave me the needed kick to do something about this.

An update on my own situation:

After tremendous fight, I instituted new rules: Couple of grand now go off from both of our bank accounts into investments each month, before she gets a chance to touch it. I also cut down our available cash by buying couple of thousand ounces of silver, and the credit cards are now reserved only for essential purchases which cannot be made with cash, and the cards are kept away from our wallets. She still gets to burn tons of her own money in junk, but at least it is her own earnings. This new equilibrium was achieved through some of the bitterest fighting in our relationship, but at least it is a start. I am still drowning in junk, but at least much smaller portion of our income goes into it.

Child issue is a trickier problem: when I married my wife she was adamant that she NEVER wants to have any children, full stop. Now she has done a complete 180-degree turn. I personally am very fond of kids, but I simply cannot justify bringing another human being to this world to lay waste to it. If the urge gets too great, I will adopt. But I doubt this will go down very well with my wife.

I feel like a test subject...

[BlisteredWhippet]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('LadyRuby', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mgibbons19', 'Y')ou ppl are truly fucked up.