[BigTex]

So let me get this straight, a person named "BTU" was injured due to the heat of a fire?

[btu2012]

Yes Mr Tex, that is correct.

[btu2012]

Mr Nigerian,

How do you deal with Blistered Whippets in your country ?

Btu

[PrairieMule]

From the Abuja Telegraph:

According to a goverment poll of over 4000 Nigerian goats, 79% of the goats surveyed believe this weeks increase in oil was not influenced by recient MEND activities or pipeline explosions. The other 21% had no comment.

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('btu2012', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BlisteredWhippet', 'I') hope for the best, but expect the worst, optimistically aiming for somewhere in the middle: a competent militant, fascist vegan state.

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('btu2012', 'M')r Nigerian,

How do you deal with Blistered Whippets in your country ?

Btu

[BigTex]

Nigerian,

What are the major holidays in your country?

Here in the U.S. we have Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day.

We also have sort of a second tier of holidays, which include Columbus Day, Veterans Day, MLK Day and Presidents Day. Halloween and Valentine's Day are also fun.

What are some of the recreational activities that you enjoy doing on holidays?

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BigTex', 'N')igerian,

What are the major holidays in your country?

Here in the U.S. we have Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day.

We also have sort of a second tier of holidays, which include Columbus Day, Veterans Day, MLK Day and Presidents Day. Halloween and Valentine's Day are also fun.

What are some of the recreational activities that you enjoy doing on holidays?

[Ludi]

Dear Mr. Nigerian,

I am seeking employment advice. What employment do you suggest for a woman in the low-energy future? I prefer not to have to work too hard, of course.


Thank you for your time.


PS, I am probably too old to be successful as a prostitute.

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'D')ear Mr. Nigerian,

I am seeking employment advice. What employment do you suggest for a woman in the low-energy future? I prefer not to have to work too hard, of course.


Thank you for your time.


PS, I am probably too old to be successful as a prostitute.

[PrairieMule]

This week's Ask A Nigerian! is sponsered by Spyware.

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To get a copy, just click anywhere on your screen!
(just kidding!)

Seriously I am kidding.

[Ludi]

Thank you very much Mr. Nigerian!

[Iaato]

Dear Mr. Nigerian,

First of all, I'm not sure about your new identification photo. What happened to your donkey cart-bearing assistant? We have similar assistants here in Alaska; except here we use dogs.

Secondly, I have a question to ask you about financial issues. I hear that Nigerians are very savvy about financial asset management. I bought some gold earlier this year on the advice of people at peakoil.com. Now I'm wondering whether I made a mistake. I have actually lost money on my investment in the last three months. I wonder if I should sell my gold and buy something else? And how do I sell the gold? And what should I buy?

Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter.

signed,
Binky the Alaskan

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Iaato', 'D')ear Mr. Nigerian,

First of all, I'm not sure about your new identification photo. What happened to your donkey cart-bearing assistant? We have similar assistants here in Alaska; except here we use dogs.

Secondly, I have a question to ask you about financial issues. I hear that Nigerians are very savvy about financial asset management. I bought some gold earlier this year on the advice of people at peakoil.com. Now I'm wondering whether I made a mistake. I have actually lost money on my investment in the last three months. I wonder if I should sell my gold and buy something else? And how do I sell the gold? And what should I buy?

Thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter.

signed,
Binky the Alaskan

[Iaato]

Many thanks to Mr. Nigerian from Ms. Binky. But I gave you a set-up and all I got was some rat-turd infested wheat? That didn't taste like asphalt, by the way.

Best regards to your sons Ojie and Ayo. I hope they don't do too much damage to each other.

[efarmer]

Mr. Nigerian,
I know there are men in your country who point guns at
other people and look thuggish. But do they also spout
bizarre, 10 dollar words when they bully and insult you?

I don't mind being hassled at gunpoint or having
a word geek dose me with multisyllabic slime, but
I just can't take both at the same time.

If you don't have men like this in Nigeria, I still don't
want to move there, but I would like to offer you an
immigrant who goes by three initials and fits all the
criteria I have mentioned here.

I am jabbing some air holes in a 55 gallon drum and
will pay tramp steamer freight for him from the US.
His day job is a moderator, and I am sure you can use
a moderator over there in Nigeria. A moderator who points
a gun at you and spews big ass insulting words out like
a chicken manure truck going through a hay field.
Efarmer

[PenultimateManStanding]

Dear Mr. Nigerian

Can you apply your wisdom here? I need your assistance. An American farmer decided to make sport of my good name. For no apparent reason, other than maybe that the whole point of the forum in which you bring us your sagacity is to make sport of others, he gratuitously and unprovoked suggested that I may suffer from the female monthly affliction. This is not possible as I am a male but it afforded me the opportunity of an erudite put-down of my own in justified, in my opinion, retaliation. So now this pusillanimous farmer says that I'm a bully. So here is where I would like your thoughts, if the farmer accuses me of bullying does that mean I won the contest?

thanks for your consideration,

PenultimateManStanding

[PrairieMule]

Ask a Nigerian

Dear esteemed Men of the Tribe of Doom,

Am I correct that you conflict is with each other(PMS vs. Efarmer)?

In underdevelopment in poor countries like Nigeria is micro nationalism, ethnic, religious and communal conflicts which, pose great threat to peace, security and progress.

The breakdown of such vehicles of social control as the family education, law, religion and the political system has increased ethnic and communal conflicts. The inability of many homes to make ends meet with the family income tends to increase immorality, broken fatherless/motherless homes, divorces and drunkenness, leading to street fights.

That being said, might I ask what is the state of your financial enterprises? If you are not making the kind income of befitting a mighty dignitary, I say the root of your conflict is not with each other. You are suffering as most Americans are suffering because your country is close to collapse. You must take steps to secure your financial status when Nigeria cuts off America from her oil.

To keep the peace, I am going to have to go the Ask A Nigerian's! Groovy Grab Bag:Select Reserve . Both of you will recieve copies of my new financial book on cassette On Ja gin me de money!-The fine art of graft . Learn this Nigerian's proven secrets for succesful. Winning Cold Call strategies, maximize your natural network, financing rackets with no money down, how to charm whites, and much much more!

If this is not agreeable, then I offer conflict resolution Nigerian Style. From the Ask A Nigerian's! groovy Grwab Bag of Swag, I give you 2 salvaged lead pipes to beat each other to unconsciousness.

[efarmer]

I lived an almost conflict free life before the oil got expensive.
Thanks for the swag and I don't mind sharing a prize with
PMS, word geeks need love too, and big words to describe
it as well.
Efarmer

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('efarmer', 'I') lived an almost conflict free life before the oil got expensive.
Thanks for the swag and I don't mind sharing a prize with
PMS, word geeks need love too, and big words to describe
it as well.
Efarmer