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Please ask for clarification

Discussions related to the physiological and psychological effects of peak oil on our members and future generations.

Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Ludi » Sun 31 May 2009, 13:46:13

If you don't understand what I post, please ask me for clarification instead of reading into what you think I might be implying. I try to be as explicit in my communication as possible, except when I am joking or being ironic. I'll try to remember to post some kind of joke icon when I'm joking or being ironic, if that will help.

I'm happy to clarify if you will just ask me to. Communication is extremely difficult for me, but I am trying to improve.

Thanks.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Ludi » Sun 31 May 2009, 13:58:55

On second thought, I will be taking a break from the board.

I have failed here.


I would rather not say anything than be misunderstood in such a way.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Nefarious » Sun 31 May 2009, 14:14:41

It is quite easy to misunderstand someone. Like your post when I misread it you used the word COULD and in being a fast reader I read the word WOULD,which changes the interpretation. Also most of us here are not professional writers and sometimes it is hard to put in print our true thoughts clearly. We know what we mean when we write it out and by our own thinking it is self explaining but on the other hand the reader coming in from a different thought process can read the same sentence in a totally different way.
One should take time to read a post a couple of times if need be and try to understand what the author is trying to say from their point of view. Like you said it always helps to ask questions from the author to understand their complete point of view and once that is learned then start your rebuttal.

But that usually doesn't happen and communication can break down quickly.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Sixstrings » Sun 31 May 2009, 15:55:15

Is somebody giving Ludi a hard time? :evil: Ludi's the nicest person on this forum, so leave her alone.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Schmuto » Sun 31 May 2009, 18:50:36

My experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Micki » Sun 31 May 2009, 20:58:12

I think it is just natural to have enough of the board after a while.
God knows I have felt it the last few weeks.
I am also close to getting a chance to relocate to my place up north. Should that happen it is bye bye to Internet forums and hello vegie garden and fishing rods for a good while.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby mos6507 » Sun 31 May 2009, 21:33:33

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', 'I')s somebody giving Ludi a hard time? :evil: Ludi's the nicest person on this forum, so leave her alone.


Nobody's trying to intentionally badger her. She just interprets it that way.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Ludi » Sun 31 May 2009, 21:38:43

Then why do you misinterpret what I say, mos?

Why don't you ask for clarification?

I have asked you before to please ask for clarification instead of "reading into" what I post, and you keep misinterpreting what I post.

Because it happens repeatedly after I ask you not to do it, it SEEMS to me to be intentional.

If it is not intentional, why do you do it repeatedly?
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Ludi » Sun 31 May 2009, 21:41:21

I am certainly willing to believe it is not intentional if you say it is not intentional and you STOP DOING IT.

You say I "imply at lot" in my posts and I tell you I am trying to post as clearly and explicitly as possible. To me, it seems like you are "reading into" my posts to find what I might be "implying" without asking me if that is what I am implying, and when I say it is not, you say I am still implying something.

I try VERY HARD not to imply things except in humorous or ironic posts. If you are confused about which posts are humorous or ironic, I will be happy to clarify. My non-humorous posts I try to be as explicit as I can be.

So please, stop trying to find out what I might be "implying" in my posts, and ask me what I am trying to say.

Please.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Sixstrings » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 00:28:16

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', 'M')y experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.


Women are not "horrible communicators." If fact, our species has evolved so that females communicate MUCH more than men. According to studies on this, the average woman says 20,000 words per day, compared to 7,000 for the average man.

And so in defense of my fellow man, women need to recognize that men are not wired the same way they are. It's not fair for a woman to expect any man to match her ability, and need, for communication.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Blueberry » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 00:52:05

Ok... just to clarify, Ludi, what did you mean by "safe word"? :P

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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Narz » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 01:29:27

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', '
')Women are not "horrible communicators." If fact, our species has evolved so that females communicate MUCH more than men. According to studies on this, the average woman says 20,000 words per day, compared to 7,000 for the average man.

That's BS. Just like the Tragedy of the Commons & Jevons Paradox. :razz:

http://www.sciencemag.org/cgi/content/a ... 17/5834/82

Ludi, people make asses of u & me, that's just what they do, you have to accept it & not take it personally. Well, you don't have to but it's a good idea too.

Stop saying you're gonna leave, this place obviously serves a purpose for you so stick around unless you really, truly don't want to.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Schmuto » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 14:26:34

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', 'M')y experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.


Women are not "horrible communicators." If fact, our species has evolved so that females communicate MUCH more than men. According to studies on this, the average woman says 20,000 words per day, compared to 7,000 for the average man.


You must be a woman.

You have just equated "talking a lot" with "being a good communicator."

Completely different things.

In fact, being a good communicator means using a few words as possible to communicate the thought.

This is why I loved Dr. Laura so much:

Woman Caller - "Well Dr. Laura, I'm unhappy with my husband because he says things to me that are hurtful."

Dr. L - "Like what?"

WC- "Well, you know, just things."

[Already a classic at this point]

Dr. L - "No dear, don't tell me things. What exactly does he say."

WC - [more ambiguous chatter]

Dr. L - "One more chance, then I have to let you go - give me a specific example."

WC - "He told me my butt had gotten a lot bigger since we got married."

Dr. L - "Well, has it?"

dead silence for 10 seconds then the WC rambling about how that is not relevant to her question.

Hilarious!

Men, of course, can be poor communicators, but don't confuse their general dislike of rambling on incessantly about every emotional pang they have as equivalent to bad communication.

Anybody who has worked for both women and men understand this.

Classic moment in my life - asked by female boss why I didn't do project X for 3 months I replied - "because I had 12 other projects, project X looked like a crappy project to work on, and, after giving it to me, I didn't hear a word back from you about it, which I took to mean it was low priority."

The look on her face was priceless.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby vision-master » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 14:36:17

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'T')hen why do you misinterpret what I say, mos?

Why don't you ask for clarification?

I have asked you before to please ask for clarification instead of "reading into" what I post, and you keep misinterpreting what I post.

Because it happens repeatedly after I ask you not to do it, it SEEMS to me to be intentional.

If it is not intentional, why do you do it repeatedly?


He's just being a Jew. :lol:
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Sixstrings » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 16:12:49

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', 'M')y experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.


Women are not "horrible communicators." If fact, our species has evolved so that females communicate MUCH more than men. According to studies on this, the average woman says 20,000 words per day, compared to 7,000 for the average man.


You must be a woman.

You have just equated "talking a lot" with "being a good communicator."

Completely different things.

In fact, being a good communicator means using a few words as possible to communicate the thought.

This is why I loved Dr. Laura so much:

Woman Caller - "Well Dr. Laura, I'm unhappy with my husband because he says things to me that are hurtful."

Dr. L - "Like what?"

WC- "Well, you know, just things."

[Already a classic at this point]

Dr. L - "No dear, don't tell me things. What exactly does he say."

WC - [more ambiguous chatter]

Dr. L - "One more chance, then I have to let you go - give me a specific example."

WC - "He told me my butt had gotten a lot bigger since we got married."

Dr. L - "Well, has it?"

dead silence for 10 seconds then the WC rambling about how that is not relevant to her question.

Hilarious!

Men, of course, can be poor communicators, but don't confuse their general dislike of rambling on incessantly about every emotional pang they have as equivalent to bad communication.

Anybody who has worked for both women and men understand this.

Classic moment in my life - asked by female boss why I didn't do project X for 3 months I replied - "because I had 12 other projects, project X looked like a crappy project to work on, and, after giving it to me, I didn't hear a word back from you about it, which I took to mean it was low priority."

The look on her face was priceless.


I'm not a woman, I just understand them pretty well. You're all over me like white on rice for supposedly taking the girls' side here, when in fact I'm just being objective.

I didn't say women communicate "better," I said they're not "horrible" at it -- they are just different. My point is a valid one, and backed up by scientific research.

Why are so many men hellbent on expecting women to behave like men, and conversely, women want to emasculate the men of the world?

Men and women are fundamentally different -- that's not a judgement, just a fact.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Caffeine » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 16:47:02

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', '
')I'm not a woman, I just understand them pretty well. You're all over me like white on rice for supposedly taking the girls' side here, when in fact I'm just being objective.

I didn't say women communicate "better," I said they're not "horrible" at it -- they are just different. My point is a valid one, and backed up by scientific research.

Why are so many men hellbent on expecting women to behave like men, and conversely, women want to emasculate the men of the world?

Men and women are fundamentally different -- that's not a judgement, just a fact.


This might have something to do with the fact that some women (like some men) are statistical outliers. I've gone through my whole life hearing that "Scientific research says that women have X, Y, Z characteristics." In my own case, a large number of these assertions could hardly be further from the truth.

I could probably agree with an assertion that "a statistical majority of American women in the year 2009 display X, Y, and Z characteristics." It does get very tiresome having a generalization applied to you when it is false in your own case.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby threadbear » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 16:56:17

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', 'M')y experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.


And you can't or just won't? Hmmm...just like a man. :)

Ludi, you're sweet. Everyone loves you and you are an uplifting presence, here.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby dbruning » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 17:02:19

Yep, please don't let other people drive you away.

As a sample of the masses of lerkers who rarely post, but read avidly, we like your posts.

Breaks are fine, but come back :)
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Newfie » Mon 01 Jun 2009, 17:34:04

Ah, fools walk in .........etc.

Schmuto.......what are you trying to communicate with your avatar?

I would only add here that I find communicating accurately is very difficult. And here we are trying to do it with only words, we have none of our other senses available.

To do a stupid experiment say "I love you" three times:
1 - To communicate sexual desire describing an action as in "I want to jump your bones!"
2 - As in an ironic question, to wit, "Ain't no damn way I'd ever jump you, you piece of !@#$"
3 - And finally in a romantic way as in "I want to marry you and spend my life with you."

So, obviously, words play only a minor role in our DAILY and CASUAL communications.

That is one reason why it is so damn hard to be a good writer. It's also why we have all these stupid and insipid "smiley face" icons, to communicate with a little picture something we can't do with our thousands of words. A really, really good writer can - ya know - like Hemingway.

Ain't none of us Hemingway's.

So, in the interim, we should all chill out a bit, read each other with a fair grain of salt, and extend to one another the same TRUST we use we get behind the wheel and hurtle down the road and one another at, oh 140 MPH or thereabouts.

Good tidings to all.
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Re: Please ask for clarification

Unread postby Ludi » Tue 02 Jun 2009, 12:28:11

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Schmuto', 'M')y experience in life has been that women are, with few exceptions, horrible communicators.

They typically believe that you should be able to read their minds.


I am asking people to stop trying to read my mind. I am asking for people not to try to figure out what I might be "implying" with my posts. I would like them to ask me.

Example that drove me from the board (except for this thread):



$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', ' ')

Definition = Erratic retaliation is a kinder, gentler warfare.


$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'H')ardly. Just not "unlimited." And certainly not as damaging to ecosystems as our version.

Just want to make it clear here I'm not advocating we return to erratic retaliation. For one thing, very few of us live in bands/tribes.



$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', ' ')
So if we pull a 12-monkeys and wipe out humans without firing a shot or bending a single blade of grass, that would be okay?



$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'W')hy are you trying to read all this shit into what I post? You know I don't agree with that kind of nonsense. Why are you acting like you think I believe something like that would be ok?


$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', ' ')Because you are starting to sound like Monte in this thread, that all ethics must be beholden to ecology.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'W')here have I said anything of the sort?


$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', 'I') really don't know what it is, Ludi, but you communicate a lot by implication and then when I call you out on it you deny it and get actively angry when I'm just trying to maintain a rational discussion. I'm not going to contribute to this any further because I know where this always leads, but I don't think I'm the only one who interprets your posts this way. It's not just me.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'S')o you're just pulling this Expletive deleted out of your Expletive deleted.

I am angry because you insist on misinterpreting what I post and I AM SICK OF IT! Just Expletive deleted STOP IT!


I wanted to know WHERE I said that ethics must be beholden to ecology or what I said that even implied that, and mos would not tell me. So I have no way of avoiding whatever it is that makes him, and apparently others, misunderstand me in such an extreme way. If I am going to be misunderstood so horribly, I would rather not post at all. Because I don't want people to think that I am saying ethics must be beholden to ecology. That is not what I believe. And if Monte and his followers think that makes me hubristic or stupid, or whatnot, that's the way I am and I likely won't change. I'm probably not going to start saying people like Pops and me, and Tanada's father, should die for the sake of the species. My personal belief is that humans are PART OF NATURE. Monte says that Nature is not merciful. If humans are part of nature and can be merciful, then it is a biological fact that Nature can be merciful. If humans are not part of Nature then they must be supernatural, and I'm not interested in arguing somebody's (Monte's and his followers") spiritual/religious beliefs in a thread that's pretending to be scientific. If we kill part what makes us human - our capacity for mercy and empathy - in order to save the species, then I don't see the point of saving the species at all. That' s my personal belief. I'm not interested in debating it.
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