[roccman]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('wisconsin_cur', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('roccman', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Don35', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('wisconsin_cur', 'I') think we need a sticky thread for people to discuss PO related problems with their spouses. Seems like those threads come up a lot and have a lot of repeated issues.

[blukatzen]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('wisconsin_cur', 'I') think we need a sticky thread for people to discuss PO related problems with their spouses. Seems like those threads come up a lot and have a lot of repeated issues.

[Concerned]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('drew', 'I')t's simple, don't whig out your wife!

Alternatively, when her eyes glaze over, shut up!

No Matt Savinar/MQ die off talk, ever!

Works fine for me.

Drew

[roccman]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Concerned', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('drew', 'I')t's simple, don't whig out your wife!

Alternatively, when her eyes glaze over, shut up!

No Matt Savinar/MQ die off talk, ever!

Works fine for me.

Drew

[FoolYap]

In the late 1990s I once raised my long-term energy concerns to my first wife. She waved them away dismissively: "Oh, I'm sure 'they' will find a cure for 'it'."

She was a "magical thinker" about many things, money as well as Peak Oil. There would always be more, whenever you needed it, somehow. Trying to save money with her was like asking her not to breathe; she just couldn't do it for long, and resented me for asking. She was great at finding sales, but her goal was to optimize how much she could buy by spending it all, not to reduce our expenses and save. About retirement planning, she once told me prophetically, "Oh, I'll never be able to afford to retire, so why bother?"

This is not the kind of person to build a long-term relationship with, even in "fat times" like we still have. I am ever so glad that relationship has ended, and I was able to find the woman I am happily married to now.

My sweetheart is on board with doing things to cut our expenses, to pay down all debts (only mortgage at this point; both cars are 11 years old), to grow more of our own food, to be more independent, etc etc.

I have to be careful in how I talk about my Peak Oil or Climate Change fears, because we have a 3-year old daughter, and thinking too much about the worst scenarios gets too up close & personal for her.

And frankly, it's nice to have a slightly more optimistic point of view around, to offset my doomer tendencies. But so long as I couch the changes we're making in terms of saving money, doing our part to offset climate change, etc, she's 100% on board.

Also, I'm pretty sure that if I was desperately passionate about making major changes in our life, like moving to another state, she would come along with that. So I don't want to abuse that. There are many things that she values that I also want to support, like being close to our parents (especially for our daughter to have that). And, it never hurts for the things I do, like cutting firewood on our lot, to directly benefit her -- thanks to the woodstove, it's 84 degrees for her in the livingroom as I type this on a cold morning.

--Steve

[RedStateGreen]

My issue is that my husband wants to buy all this crap (flat screen TV, computers, etc.) that we really don't need. He's the one making the money, not me, so there's not much I can say about it. But it worries me as we just bought our house 2 years ago and he's less than ten years from retirement. He's been cool with my preparations so far but won't even consider that the economy might be going down the toilet. "Someone" will fix things when it gets bad enough is his mantra.

[Barbara]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'H')ow to sugar coat it and keep her from considering me a paranoid whack?

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('RedStateGreen', 'M')y issue is that my husband wants to buy all this crap (flat screen TV, computers, etc.) that we really don't need. He's the one making the money, not me, so there's not much I can say about it. But it worries me as we just bought our house 2 years ago and he's less than ten years from retirement. He's been cool with my preparations so far but won't even consider that the economy might be going down the toilet. "Someone" will fix things when it gets bad enough is his mantra.

[Ang]

Mods: Forgive a newbie if this belongs somewhere else.

My partner and I agree about Peak Oil and all the different challenges facing our combined family, but still run into areas of debate. I was curious how other Peak Oil aware folks are handling it, especially marriages/relationships where one partner is aware and the other refuses to acknowledge it. My partner and I will never have the "big-screen T.V. vs. more preps" argument and I really can't imagine how marriages are surviving those discussions.

[korosten]

My husband was aware of PO first, whereas I was not interested in the topic at all (I was into physics then . So this lead to some heated discussion because he felt PO was so much more important than anything else (*especially* physics . Also, my (too optimistic) attitude was along the lines of "let's just get some solar panels" (before I read about the subject).

Luckily I gave in when I noticed that he really thinks that this is serious, and started reading books on the topic, and it didn't take long - it very quickly was clear to me that he was right, and that PO (and global warming) was going to change our lives forever.

By now we both read many books on the topic and related issues and I think we agree 99%. The only disagreement we have is on how it is actually going to play out in detail and when. (I think it will be a collapse that plays out over many years, like in slow motion, he thinks it could be a lot quicker)

I am *so* glad that we agree on PO and its implications, especially since we are making drastic changes in our lives (relocation, new job etc!) which would not have been possible if just one of us felt that way.

I could not imagine how this would work if one sees PO as a threat, and the other one doesn't!

What did you agree/disagree on, and what are your plans?

[one_more_day]

The husband and I both accept PO. He tends to think of it as a slow decline in terms practical effects, whereas I am more of a hard crash doomer myself. We don't really have any conflict though because we are taking the middle road and making preparations for both scenarios (sustainable garden and a bug-out-bag, for example).

[roccman]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ang', '
')
My partner and I agree about Peak Oil and all the different challenges facing our combined family, but still run into areas of debate.

[Ang]

I'm glad for both of you that your husbands share your PO awareness with you.
We bought a property in a very small (pop. 800) town that's about as inaccessible as it can be without it being a cave on the side of a mountain!! We'll be planting fruit trees in a couple of weeks and stocking the place with the preps we've accumulated. I love the fact that we are moving into the future together and will be able to lean on each other to face either the fast crash or the slow decline.
I think the most difficult thing for me personally is handling my family and friends that simply don't want to hear what we're trying to tell them and refuse to prepare in any way. They all know where we will be and that we have bought years of food, etc. Assuming these people show up on our doorstep, what do we say to them? What can I say to them now to dissuade them from showing up? Why should we open our home and feed these folks that will probably get caught unprepared when we have 4 kids to feed and take care of that we HAVE prepared for?

I'd love to hear from anybody that has dealt with this already.

p.s. back to the here and now, my son has his head stuck in the back of chair, gotta go!

[Ludi]

My husband is concerned about peakoil.com forums being a source of stress for me. That's about the extent of our disagreement.


Ang, I am also concerned about my extended family needing help in the future. I have mostly avoided talking to them about it as it would be to no purpose. I just try to plant extra to feed them if they do show up.

[lateStarter]

The wife is slowly coming around. Not totally onboard, but realizes the world is a f*cked up place and she has had enough. So, I pitched the whole thing as a 'stress-releaser'. Country property in a small village bordering a national forest. She loves it there and can't wait to move in (this April).

On the down side, to make this possible I have had to keep one foot still in the system travelling around as a technical-instructor in the world of VoIP. At least I'm not working a 9-5 job... Gives me time to keep the preps moving forward.

Thankfully, she is not a shop-aholic, and even 10 years living in the US didn't totally warp her values.

[Ang]

Ludi-you are noble to plant with them in mind. I agree with your husband that too much time on these sites can skew your outlook and seriously depress you. I just read a post somewhere here that said "I'm going to keep ordering latte's while I still can". Well, I'm going to keep being happy while I still can, regardless of what I read here or elsewhere. I really hope you are happy most of the time!!

About the food, I think if it were just me, I would throw the doors open and say "Let's all work together". I have children to think about though and for every meal I hand out it could mean one less for them. That isn't acceptable to me. Maybe when we see the trees bearing fruit and the vegetables coming in we'll relax a bit. Or not!

Pstarr-You are amazingly considerate to not want to burst anybody's bubble. Have fun on the train!!!! That used to be one of my dreams, a train cross country here and a train ride through the Copper Canyon in Mexico. Now I just want to grow stuff.

I hardly recognize myself!!

[killJOY]

My partner is a fag who tries to out-doom me. Fat chance!

We're two peas in a pod. We'll be buried in the same vault.

[Ang]

I'd love to be a fly on the wall listening to those conversations!!! Congratulations on finding your media naranja, your soulmate!

[Ludi]

Ang, I'm quite anxious about providing even for myself and my husband. If I had children I would really be tearing my hair. You shouldn't feel bad about thinking of your children first, as they are your primary responsibility.


I just don't know what to think of relatives who won't be able to contribute much to their own support, as my father is aging (77), my stepmother is in poor health, my step-aunt is brain damaged, and my sister is disabled (severe chronic mental illness). My bother in law at least is healthy!