[Zardoz]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('uNkNowN ElEmEnt', '.')..these sports parents...

[I_Like_Plants]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Zardoz', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('I_Like_Plants', '.')..psychopathic and dehumanized is the normal American way now.

[RonMN]

I lost my dad 1 year ago. He was the back bone AND central nervous system of our family...and I've been absolutely amazed how all my siblings have pulled together to get thru this...as well as my mom.

As for me, I miss my dad & have seen his grave several times now. there is certainly something missing (especially during the holidays) but I've been filling those gaps with more time spent with my mom, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews...

I guess it's true that (if you allow it) when a door closes, other doors are open.

[auscanman]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Kingcoal', 'I')n reading some of the posts, I'm struck by the criticism some people lay on their parents. Spend some time with them while they are still alive, because when they are gone, they are gone forever. Having lost both my mom and my grandmother at such an early age left me feeling alienated by a lot of people around me because they still had a complete family. I was a freak, an outcast, as were my friends. Most of my friends came from broken families also. My dad took my moms' death really hard. He became belligerent and violent; thank God I had my sister to pull through it. He remarried and we became the unwanted step children. I had a lot of animosity towards my father for the way he treated us, but in the last couple of years before he died, I made him proud, graduating college and we reconciled. I realized that he was just a guy trying to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table, "what the hell else do you want," was his attitude. It ain't easy to be a provider to a bunch of whiny, spoiled kids, I realize that now. When I remember him, I remember him that way, he never ran out on us, he stayed employed and took care of us.

I say all this because try to imagine not having your parents anymore. Sure they aren't perfect, but hell, they brought you into the world and if you have problems with that, well maybe you should reconsider your own life. There are a lot of times I wish I could call my dad up and tell him that he was right about a lot of things. I don't have that precious privilege anymore.

Any day you can get up and out of bed is a good day.

[Laurasia]

Reading some of these posts, I find myself feeling very grateful for my parents. Dad died a long time ago in 1976; he had his problems but nothing compared to some described here. He drank too much, could be verbally quite cruel when drunk, but never laid a finger on us; he read a lot, and started my interest in solar energy in the sixties "look at this" he said one day " they are making electricity from the SUN! Just think about it!" with such enthusiasm in his voice, showing me the page in the science mag. with the artist's drawings of parabolic mirrors, etc. It made a deep impression on me - I was in my teens. Then I came to the States, living in Southern Mississippi. I wrote home " Dad, there's so much sun here - I think I could make something to heat water by the sun" and he wrote back " you'll need a radiator-like construction, and it would be best painted black" He never came over here to see where I lived. I wish he had. I find myself wondering what he would have made of us all here in this forum, the Peak Oil movement.

Mum is still with us, very frail, 87, living with my sister in the UK. She 'gets' Peak Oil. Has right from the start when I told her about it. I think she'd like to do more. She grew up during the Depression years, and through the second world war. So she knows that people can pull together to do what is needed to save the majority. She is frustrated that nobody seems to care, all wrapped up with their very busy lives.

So I think I must have been a comparatively lucky person when the dice were rolling!

Andrew and Specop, I'm sorry for your very recent losses! The raw pain gets less sharp, and eventually you can look back on your loved ones and not be devastated.

Regards,

L.

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

Just to clarify one point, it wasn't my father who did any of that crap, it was my mother. My father was never there and didn't want any thing to do with his kids.

My mother hated me and used to visit her own pain and cruelty on me, well, she and her sister. Not both me and my sibling, just me.

At some point you have to say enough is enough and their crap isn't worth it. Yoy don't have to tolerate their abuse just becuase you will some day miss them. that is totally insane allowing them to keep putting you through crap just to keep the peace.

Allowing others to use you as a voodoo doll they can keep inflicting their shit on is neurotic! Don't do it, don't be stupid, stop the madness. Grow up.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('RonMN', 'I') lost my dad 1 year ago. He was the back bone AND central nervous system of our family...and I've been absolutely amazed how all my siblings have pulled together to get thru this...as well as my mom.

As for me, I miss my dad & have seen his grave several times now. there is certainly something missing (especially during the holidays) but I've been filling those gaps with more time spent with my mom, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews...

I guess it's true that (if you allow it) when a door closes, other doors are open.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', 'T')his past June Dad died.

Beat the living shit out of me... so many times I can't possibly recall.

Leather straps & wood.

I have never attended a public school that didn't beat me with wood either.

My own son is 18... had one spanking from me. Open hand on the butt 3 swats. He was about 7 or so & doing something dangerous.

Never again.

It's fine to say that dad was better than his dad in many ways... although I'm having a tough time thinking what he was subject to that was worse than being beaten with leather straps on a regular basis.

Then again... screw that.

It's the ego-centric, megalomania of these control freaks which has brought us to this current situation. The insane desire to control everything, and the arrogance to think that's possible.

In the end though... he was just a man doing what he thought was right.

Regardless of how very wrong it was.

May he rest peacefully.

[RonMN]

Threadbear Wrote:
what do you see as the crucial difference?

My dad certainly had his flaws (as do we all) and we didn't always get along...but as far as a "crucial difference" goes, my dad always taught me (thru words AND actions) that "you never forget where you came from"! He never put himself above anybody else. He could admit when he was wrong.

He was a business man who always had an open door policy for all his employees & talked with almost all of them every day. He was quick to yell, but quick to forgive & forget (never held a grudge).

He paid for all of our educations thru college & beyond & made it clear that we don't pay this back...we pay it forward. He paid for our education so we are obligated to pay for our childrens education.

And he had a great sence of humor & a laugh that you'd never forget if you'd ever heard it (kinda like santa)