[frankthetank]

I lost my dad 17 years ago this month.

Is it strange to think of him every day of my life? Since that day, no day has past when i didn't think about him...and since the day we buried him i have never gone back to his grave...is that wrong? I drive by it every day almost.

It sucks to lose a parent.

Not asking for sympathy or anything, just wondering how other people cope or dealt with it. I never had problems or anything growing up(never turned to drugs/violence/etc) and today i S-E-E-M somewhat normal!!! (to others i don't).

[eastbay]

Both of 'em. Dad in 1994 and mom in 2000. Both older brothers too. One in 1984 and the other in 2001.

Still strange without all of them around. Yup.

[yeahbut]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('frankthetank', 'I') lost my dad 17 years ago this month.

Is it strange to think of him every day of my life? Since that day, no day has past when i didn't think about him...and since the day we buried him i have never gone back to his grave...is that wrong? I drive by it every day almost.

It sucks to lose a parent.

Not asking for sympathy or anything, just wondering how other people cope or dealt with it. I never had problems or anything growing up(never turned to drugs/violence/etc) and today i S-E-E-M somewhat normal!!! (to others i don't).

[blukatzen]

I've lost my mom in '94 (she was 64) my dad in 97 (he was 71), and I miss them everyday. Aunts/uncles all gone, most didn't have kids, not close w/the cousins of the ones that did have them.)

I am in a similar field that they had their business in, so I have reason to think of them everyday, and I DO speak to them.

As a Heathen, we revere our Ancestors. I have a small area of my home, like the "family area" that one would find in an Asian home. (family shrine). Not that it's going to *do* anything, but it helps keep me in memory with them. We believe there is a 'give and take" between the worlds.

We believe they hold the family members yet to come down to us. (that's beyond my years however.)

We don't "pray" to them, but do hold them in mind. I think that's the best way to describe it.

I miss them but with what I know that is coming down the road for us, I am glad that I don't have the burden of having to worry for them. In fact, it's a blessing, in a way.

It's just the cycle of life, and that was the path I had to walk down.

Blu

[frankthetank]

Thanks. Its not something i talk about openly with anyone. Its weird how you remember all childhoods worse memories so vividly. I use to talk vocally to "God", but then i started questioning that whole thing so i stopped.

I like to think i had good parents. My dad was probably the better of the two and showed a lot of emotion would give hugs/kisses, where mom wasn't like that (still isn't). They were both there for me when i needed them and provided food/shelter.

I've always thought very highly of my dad, he did a lot in his short time here (just over 40 years). Being a police officer back then(over 20 years), things were done a lot differently. I think i led such a straight arrow (no crime/no drugs/no alcohol) because i didn't want to disappoint him or his "name".

Its different this year because now i'm a dad.

[Narz]

My folks are both still alive but I lost my best friend about two & a half years ago. It's weird when someone has always been around & then they're not.

[blukatzen]

Here are some good Strophes from the Havamal, or The Sayings of the High One....Hope they are of comfort..

76.
Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well.

77.
Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But I know one thing that never dies,
The glory of the great dead.

Auden/Taylor Translation
____________________
Blu

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

I've lost both parents though not to death. I've been cut out of the family and ostracized more times than I care to count, but oh well. I sometimes think it would be so much harder on me if they did die, and that in fact I am lucky.

What this does have to do with this thread specifically, is that to get some kind of connection to family with whom we were never close. The whole family was into their own thing and possibly avoided me because I seemed to be such a problem. but to connect with someone I started a little tradition.

Every Yule season I select a candle (there are now 5 regular ones) for people who have died and light them on the mantle. this is to remember them and to bring a sense of connection and closeness that I never had when they were alive.

I think talking to departed ones isn't stupid. I do believe they can hear us (at times) and I do think that its the sentiment that counts. My 0.02$

[Andrew_S]

My dad died 5 years ago aged 82 and my mum 13 days ago aged 79.
I don't think of my dad every day but probably every week or two. We used to get on quite well (he was always soft on me). I didn't get on so well with my mother, but I'm still a bit shocked at her recent death which was unexpected (a sudden illness and death).

The idea of talking in one's head to the deceased seems quite good. I don't really believe in the afterlife but I imagine what they would say about things.

Whether or not you visit a grave seems unimportant: whatever you feel like.

[SpringCreekFarm]

Both my mom and dad ( adoptive parents ) are gone. My mom in 2003 and my dad in 2007. I sat with them both until their last breath holding their hand. It's the only way to do it. I also think of them nearly every day and I don't visit my mom's grave either. What's the point?

My dad wanted to be cremated so he sits in a cardboard box up on a shelf overlooking my office / study. It's comforting to know he is close by. One day I'll find that perfect box to put him in and be able to put him somewhere on the farm.

I've considered pouring him into the concrete of the barn when I do the renovation. He would have loved that. You'd have to know him to appreciate how much he loved this farm. I just love having him nearby looking over me while I plan and study.

Thanks for sharing Frank.

[Cornelian]

I lost my mother when I was 13, my father when I was 23. It still hurts some 40 years after. Like you, Frank, I still think of them most days, and I still cry. You never get over the loss. It is absolutely irreparable.

[Pops]

I too lost my parents when they were too young.

I have a painting my Mom did in my living room and think about her every day.

She liked butterflies and I say Hi to her every time I see one.

My Son said something to me once that really sums up how I feel about her:

I’m just trying to be the man you raised me to be.


I’m proud he feels the same.

[Eli]

Frank don't worry a bit about not going to the grave your Father is with you everyday. And you honor him already by sharing his spirit with your own child.

Your Father is not in that grave and as I see it the best part of him has never died, and it never will.


My brothers, brother in law who I was close to as well committed suicide in his garage a think 5 years back by hanging. That is and was awful. His parents as you would expect have been destroyed by it they have become ghosts of their former selves.

[128shot]

Lost my dad when I was 12...

tough break as a kid

[jasonraymondson]

I lost my dad for about 3 hours, but I found him again. Those crazy wheres waldo moments.

[Kingcoal]

I lost my mom at age 12 and my dad when I was 25. Only one of my aunts is still alive, the rest of my senior relatives are gone. I'm 45 now. Losing loved ones is hard, but you'll live. My moms’ death was the hardest and molded my personality into the boorish oaf I am today. Losing her at such a young age gave me a severe abandonment complex, even though it wasn't her fault, it was God's fault. I've since dealt with that, however. Death is a familiar thing to me. You've got to watch after your health, that's for sure. Eat right, work out and be prepared for peak oil.

[auscanman]

My situation is somewhat similar to Unknown Element's. I haven't been cut out, but for all practical purposes I've lost my dad.

Things went to shit between my parents 6 years ago. Then my mum went back to Canada, which was supposed to be a temporary measure. Once she was back it was pretty clear things between them were over. Over the last 4 years my dad calls maybe once every month or two, and doesn't communicate in any other way. Basically, he doesn't give a damn about me (I'm 25 now) or my two sisters (just coughs up some money for my mum and younger sister). I have a lot of good memories with him, but seeing what an uncaring asshole he's turned into has made those memories pretty much worthless. Also, the fact that I've learned about what a cheating creep he was with my mum throughout their marriage has further devalued those memories.

I'm not sure yet if I've lost my mum. She had what I'd describe as a nervous breakdown at some point shortly after moving back to Canada ( not sure when exactly since I wasn't around at the time). She's never been the same since... has virtually no confidence in herself, and shows almost no warmth towards me or either of my sisters.

So I've pretty much lost both my parents in spirit.

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

Our parents have a very real and powerful impact on us especially when they leave (however that may be). I think you start to question your own value, and place in the grand scheme of things on a deeper and more profound level.

Whether you had a good relationship or not doesn't really matter when you are the kind of person who will miss and deeply mourn them. I think that as long as you find a way to honour them you will satisfy the needs of your soul and potentially find peace down the road. but being proactive is important.

So whether its visiting their grave or giving thanks for their lives at thanksgiving or remembering them and keeping their flame alive, Giving their life value in our lives today will also give our own lives value.

As for people who choose to leave your life... like my own father who disowned me 5 times... he recently decided to re-establish contact after talkng maybe twice a year in the years he was talking to me... well, I've come to realize that he'd done me a favour.

He is the most self-centered, unbalanced, nut job, I've ever met. He think he can guilt me into doing what he wants and uses the silent treatment whenever he doesn't like the fact that I won 't leave what I've built to move to the ass end of windy nowhere to take care of him and build him a sustainable farm for the crash, so that he can take my hard work and get nothing in return, except eventually kicked off the farm I built for him.

and he's even denying he ever cut me off... except that the whole family jumped down his throat for that one and told him to grab a brain.

It may look like a bad thing on the surface but really they might be doing you a favour, a big one.

[I_Like_Plants]

My parents were Good Americans.

They divorced, ensuring we children would grow up in an environment of want and hatred, and mistrust.

When we were 18 they wanted nothing more to do with us, which they'd been saying for years, in fact since we were quite young. We were an impediment to their having a good time.

We kids, and each parent, then went our own ways.

Each parent, with no one who really cared about them in their life, proceeded to become quite poor, unhealthy, and die at around the age of 62, first my father, then my mother a few years later as she was a few years younger.

As far as I know none of us attended either funeral, as, with no parental support to get college degrees (we have none) or even vocational training, none of us could really afford to.

None of us trust each other, so as our parents raised us, we are Good Americans also.

There's a significant chance we'll all die young, it will be interesting to see if we all start dropping dead in our early 60s.

This saves the Oligarchy on the expense of providing us much medical care or social security.

In my family (the extended family works this way too) a person is worth only what's in their wallet. This is not just a figure of speech in our family, it's fact. If you want to befriend any of us (and I don't know why you would) you'd better wave money around - if you can't then you're shit.

I don't know about you guy'n'gals out there, but I look forward eagerly to the Dieoff and want to do all I can to personally help it along.

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

I have to admit to a small amount of satisfaction in the thought that they don't have the skills to survive. They don't even really believe theres gonna be a crash or in peak oil. and so won't do a damn thing other than sitting by and watching, doing nothing on their nice big acreages.

They are so unprepared. The last crash happened in October. if that happens again, I think that the biggest problem will be people freezing to death. They have no idea how much food it takes to get through a winter and a bit of spring until the garden is producing again.

THose that are dead are safe from whats coming. I sometimes wonder if they aren't the really lucky ones.