[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Carlhole', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Carlhole', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Falconoffury', 'I')'m still very surprised that people in the health care field are arguing so strongly for the average cleanliness of the digestive system? Honestly, do you think a man with an enormous beer belly who takes one bowel movement a week just has a little gas problem?

[MD]

It's too hard to digest.

[Madpaddy]

TYPES OF POO

Ghost Poo:
You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the
toilet. Where is it?

Teflon Poo:
So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the
toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

Goo Poo:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you
still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your
underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the
toilet.

Second Thoughts Poo:
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise...
there's more to come.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out
until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.

Weight Watchers Poo:
You poo so much you lose several pounds.

Right Now Poo:
You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to
get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your
pants down.

King Kong Poo:
This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you
break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well.
This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.

Cork Poo:
Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there,
floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?

Wet Cheeks Poo:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the
launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.

Wish Poo:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.

Cement Block Poo:
You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.

Snake Poo:
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least
three feet long.

Morning After Poo:
Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't
smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house
(normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside
to use the bathroom.

Mexican Food Poo:
Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum
stops burning.

Boo Hoo Poo:
Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the
stitches or go for the fuller figure.

[Carlhole]

There is also "Poo Hoo Hoo".

That's the kind you step in.

[manu]

[/quote]Most poop sinks. Really light poop that floats on top and is hard to flush can be an indication of disease.[/quote]

Sorry Smallpoxgirl, you have it backward. If your stools sink you have not digested your food properly. If it floats it is properly digested.

Carlhole, by your previous posts, you only believe in allopathic medicine, which as far as I'm concerned only treats the symptoms of disease and not the root cause. So for me to offer proof in ayurvedic texts or patients who have been treated by ayurvedic Dr.s are you willing to accept that?

[mercurygirl]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Madpaddy', 'T')YPES OF POO

[Carlhole]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('manu', '<')/div>Carlhole, by your previous posts, you only believe in allopathic medicine, which as far as I'm concerned only treats the symptoms of disease and not the root cause. So for me to offer proof in ayurvedic texts or patients who have been treated by ayurvedic Dr.s are you willing to accept that?[/quote]

Colonoscopy is direct observance of 2-3 million colons every year in a full cross-section of the population, healthy and unhealthy.

FalconFury brought up a set of bowel conditions that would be pretty damn hard to miss by direct observance. In fact, those colonoscopies would be impossible to perform if such described conditions existed.

[smallpoxgirl]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('manu', '
')Sorry Smallpoxgirl, you have it backward. If your stools sink you have not digested your food properly. If it floats it is properly digested.

[Aaron]

Isn't floating or sinking determined by the laws of physics... displacing liquid volume vs weight?

Like 100 tons of iron will float... if you shape it correctly.

[Madpaddy]

Shaped poo, sounds interesting, tell us more Aaron. I can see a whole new art form being created. We can call it Scatagami or something.

[PenultimateManStanding]

you forgot one Madpaddy: Art Poo

edit: saw your last post: it's already been done

[Aaron]

So while we are on this disgusting topic...

What's the deal with the "John Wayne had an entire African village in his gut when he died" story?

Just Urban Legend, or truth?

[smallpoxgirl]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', 'W')hat's the deal with the "John Wayne had an entire African village in his gut when he died" story?

[gg3]

Nine pages of people worrying and fretting about their poo!

OK folks here's the simple answer:

The older you get, the greater the probability of age-related poo problems, for example constipation.

The best way to prevent and gently treat routine age-related poo problems is to eat a diet that includes fresh fruits and vegetables.

If you can't get enough fresh fruit & veggies or still notice occasional poo problems of whatever kind, add a small quantity of oat bran or wheat bran to your diet every day: start with a teaspoon added to your breakfast (sprinkle it on your cereal or whatever), and work your way up by increasing the dose each week. The second week, two teaspoons per day. The third week, three teaspoons per day which is about a tablespoon. Fouth week, four teaspoons. Etc.

Best time to increase your dose is on a day when you will be able to stay at home the following day in case you overdo and have to poop a lot that day.

Work your way up slowly until you notice that you aren't getting constipated, you can poop at least once a day at about the same time of day (all other factors equal), and that having a poop does not require a lot of effort and is neither painful nor otherwise problematic.

Good generic health advice: Don't go for dramatics. Somehow (too much media?) we get the idea that any change in the status of our health will announce itself with fireworks and catharsis. It's not so. Steady & gentle wins the race, in the poo department as well as in a number of other areas (e.g. the best way to lose weight is not to go for dramatics but simply to eat a little less of each thing you eat, and do a little more exercise each day, and do that consistently over a long period of time).

I've been adding oat bran to my granola each morning for about a year now as a routine preventive measure. It costs about two bucks for a six month suppy at any supermarket in the Bay Area. As far as I know it's working as it should: no poo problems to report, much less to take pictures of.

[gg3]

One more thing...

Falconoffury, if you noticed anything moving in your poo, specifically worms, that could be a sign of intestinal parasites, for example picked up from questionable drinking water, when camping out or traveling.

One of the nastier ones is tapeworm; these can grow quite long and they rob the body of nutrients pretty badly for the sake of their own growth. It may be possible for a person to get rid of portions of a tapeworm, which could give the appearance of a larger quantity of smaller worms.

In any case I'd suggest talking to an MD about that. Same with other overt diseases for example fungus and bacterial infections.

As for weird-looking stinky black stuff, that could be an artifact of the substance you took to flush your colon, a kind of self-fulfilling prophesy of poo.

As for westerners being neurotic about their bowel movements, that is far less a factor today than it was in the Victorian era, when even a sign in the public WC saying "Now wash your hands" was considered offensive. This was satirized to great effect by Monty Python in a short animated skit where a woman at a very Victorian-looking social gathering says, "Excuse me, I have to go powder my nose...." and then the bathroom door closes and an explosion of loud "poo noises" is heard whilst the other guests pretend to not notice.

[Aaron]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'a') kind of self-fulfilling prophesy of poo.

[Madpaddy]

mercurygirl wrote,
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'I')t's a breakthrough...you've announced the TRUE mystery!! Why so many?


LMAO at this thread.

[emailking]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('cynicalheretic', 'I')f a person only shat once a week, they would be in the hospital dying most likely.

[Troyboy1208]

Woot! Ten pages of Poo. Ill throw my two poos in here. I became a vegetarian in 2000 mainly because i was overweight, cholesteral was high and my brother made me do it. I still am a vegetarian and in the Poo department I go 2-4 times a day. One really cool thing to test your digestive efficiency: Eat a can of corn and count the hours till it comes out. For me the record was 16. The longest was 24. It should take 18-24 hours to poo out a meal. Depending on what you eat of course. My cholesteral is 185 and I lost 35 pounds and noticed i can see abdominal muscles. As many other posters have stated the key is fiber and the best source of that is fruits and vegetables. My poo also smells better when i dropped my carnivoric tendencies.

[MD]

This already wins my vote for 2007 "thread that just wouldn't go away" award.