[Aaron]

Now there's a real grabber thread title...

Those of you under a certain age may cringe when you learn what growing up was like for previous generations.

For us children of the 70's, corporal punishment was an accepted, normal part of life. It used to be where the buck stopped...

These days parents are jailed for failing to provide enrichment activities... well almost.

In my house, it was dad's leather belt which spoke loudest. Although I did get the occasional "switching" from mom & grandmoms...

If you don't know "switching", someone will chime in I'm sure.

I received my first school paddling on the first day of second grade.

The class would not quiet down, and an exasperated teacher finally announced that the next one to open their mouth gets a spanking... So of course, sitting proudly in the front row, I opened my mouth as wide as it would go, not making a sound. This was 1972, and school spankings were administered in a closet. They dropped your pants, and used open-handed strikes.

By Middle school, we had graduated to wooden paddles...

We called em "pops" - (he he Pops)

3 - 5 - 7 - 10...

I shit you not.

I personally have spanked, (open-handed Thu clothing), my own son only twice when he was 5 & 6 to prevent dangerous behavior.

So what do you think?

Physical pain as teaching tool?

... or no?

Is it OK for other adults to spank your kid?

[altyfc]

Personally, I think it is OK, but should be used very sparingly and as a last resort. There will be some that say you should never smack, but I think there can be situations where it's arguably the best method of getting an important message across for the child's own safety.

Aaron

[MD]

The world is a very dangerous place that is full of painful lessons that result from poor choices. Very small children need to learn this very early and very carefully in a method that does not damage their psyche but makes them aware of risk and consequence.

Example:
If my preverbal toddler runs into the street, I want him to associate running into the street with a very negative experience but one that does not risk his life.

Same with a hot stove. Do I let him tip the boiling pan on his head as a lesson? Or do I attempt to associate a controlled painful response to his screwing around with the stove?

That said, too many sickos in this world have used corporal punishment as an excuse to pass on abuse.

"balance", people....it's always in how you balance

[altyfc]

My thoughts exactly, MD... toddlers are not necessarily at an age where you can reason with them verbally in the space of a short moment (eg. playing near a busy road). It's those kinds of situations where I think a short, sharp shock may sometimes be appropriate.

Aaron

[Free]

I have no kids but I think it is barbaric and stupid to beat kids. I was never beaten in my childhood.

Of course the parents have to show the kids who is the boss and that there are limits, but there are other methods. I think beating kids leaves scars in their souls which never go away. They trust you with their live, you are like god to them.
And they are much more open to reason than many people think. It won't stop them doing stupid things if they are beaten, in the opposite, kids are the most stubborn little creatures in the world, and rightly so.

[altyfc]

Yes, I appreciate but would you not agree that sometimes, just sometimes, there is a place for it - eg. to prevent your child from stepping out into a road?

Aaron

[J-Rod]

I thought I'd chime in here. I am a new parent of a 2 1/2 year old boy. Most of the time, we use "time out" in the bedroom, it's suprisingly effective. There are other times though, when he's in a mood, freaking out and throwing monster tantrums, and he might decide it's a good idea to smack mommy in the face, or try to take a bite out of my arm. In those cases, he gets a stern vocal, and a smack to the ass, and then more time out.

In my opinion there's a difference in beating a child, and trying to associate pain with something they did was bad as negative reinforcement. I'd like to never have to spank my kid at all, but since this kid is half me, I don't think I am getting off that easy. I don't see myself using any stuff like belts, or breaking wooden spoons over my rear as my mom loved to do. =]

[Ghog]

I voted no, but in this day and age, some of these kids could use it.

I tend to view spankings in the same light as yelling. It should be as an 'eye-opener', not an everyday occurance. Once you begin to scream at or strike a child frequently, most of the effect is lost. And it really is about effect, not the actual pain unduced. I don't think a loving parent wants to really injure their child.

Remember the 'wait til your father gets home?' The hours of terror (effect) worked better than the spanking itself. We need to get these kids thinking about their actions again using all means available. Respect is not a word in their vocabulary.

[MD]

As for other adults, my answer is no except as I specifically designate.

[gnm]

Our teacher in 2nd grade had a wooden paddle hanging by her desk with "board of education" written on it and she wasn't afraid to use it. I sure got my share.. - The principal was the scary one however, he had an acrylic paddle with holes in it for more effect. And it made a nice whistling sound even. That one would leave your ass stinging for a half hour...

Todays coddled whiners think there are no consequences to thier spoiled brat actions. And hey guess what there usually isn't. Thus the rise of backtalking, agressive little dickhead gang bangers who think the world owes them something...

-G

[Doly]

Little kids today are the most spoiled generation ever. And when they are teenagers they will find that they're f***ed. Imagine the quality of the future tantrums! Punk is going to look like a friendly attitude in comparison.

[JudoCow09]

You wanta see spoiled children? Go watch MTV. My sister was watching some show with an African-American Girl who not only got a brand new Audi for her 16th birthday, but she would tell her mom to shut up and sit down. The scary part is that the mom did. THAT is what's messed up about the world. A kid getting a nicer car for her 16th birthday than my parents ever had.

[some_guy282]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('JudoCow09', 'Y')ou wanta see spoiled children? Go watch MTV. My sister was watching some show with an African-American Girl who not only got a brand new Audi for her 16th birthday, but she would tell her mom to shut up and sit down. The scary part is that the mom did. THAT is what's messed up about the world. A kid getting a nicer car for her 16th birthday than my parents ever had.

[RonMN]

Spank yes...beat NO!

Every time i ever watched my meices & nephews i always had the understanding of my sisters & brothers that IF I NEEDED TO...I COULD SPANK! I only resorted to it twice in my life...gave them several warnings before i had to spank...and even then it was 3 open hand spanks on the butt with their pants on (so it was more hurting their feelings than their butts).

It's a very very last resort...but sometimes necessary.

P.S. i would never "spank" if i was angry...it's too easy to go too far in that situation.

[linlithgowoil]

i was slapped a few times a child and i hated it, but i probably deserved it. ive only gently smacked my oldest boy (2 years and 3 months) on the bum after he was beating up his younger brother (1 year and 2 months) and wouldnt stop it.

also - i dont think you need to hit a child who is about to run on the road - dont you just grab them and hold them and say in a loud voice - NO!! its a busy road and youll get hurt! never do that again! i know thats what i do, and i know the little bugger ignores it as he just keeps on trying to run away when on busy roads all the time! the wee bugger!

[lotrfan55345]

NO!!!

I was spanked 2 times in my life when I was very little, and have few recollections of that event.... But It seemed like "time outs" locked in a room worked better than spanking.

[lotrfan55345]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'Y')ou wanta see spoiled children? Go watch MTV. My sister was watching some show with an African-American Girl who not only got a brand new Audi for her 16th birthday, but she would tell her mom to shut up and sit down. The scary part is that the mom did. THAT is what's messed up about the world. A kid getting a nicer car for her 16th birthday than my parents ever had.

[holmes]

we had backhands, body blows, belting, wooden spoonings.
stickings, finger flicks to the head (thwack lol) and draggings. Well we deserved them all and am stronger and more wacked out than the average kid.

and for some gd damn reason the girls never were part of them. Boy the boys carried the burden of the grown ups insanity.

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

I was beaten as a child. Mostly belts but occasionally my mom would use a quirt. (a foot long cat of four tails used to whip bulls). I also had sunlight dish detergent poured down my throat, had to kneel for hours on elbow macaroni etc. I grew up having violence as a natural way of life.

By the time I was 8 my sister was actively trying to kill me. By the time I was 13 I also tried to kill her a couple of times. nothing major cause I am a chicken, but we would push each other down 17 stairs to a cement floor, off the 1 1/2 story roof. you get the picture?

There is no reason to use violence against anyone. to discipline my kids I use what they love. I ground them from TV or video games or activities. I find its much more effective. Given a choice they have chosen to have a spanking instead of loosing something. (that's when I took spanking off the options list)

This hurts them more, makes a lasting impression and lasts longer. I am told every so often that my kids are very polite and very well behaved. I think the difference is that they know I am the parent, I make that abundantly clear. THe power and the responsibility are MINE and no one doubts that.

If you let your kids disrespect you they will. If you are inconsistent in your discipline they will run rough shod over you. Too many people want to be their kids "friends" and are afraid their kids will hate them. They loose a great opportunity to provide their kids with security. My kids know exactly (in most instances) if they do wrong what will happen.

they do not have to fear that I will go overboard, beat them or take the easy way out. this allows them to gain a sense of security because their lives are a safe place.

they have never run out into the road becasue I am watching them. one did run off to his daycare at 6 am one morning but I never punished him. I made sure I did my job better.

Sorry for the long post but I think most people take the easy way out with kids. beating someone never did any good. it just teaches people that violence is acceptable. if it did good then I would have been a model child.

too many people are "pet shop parents", they have them, feed them and have little else to do with them. they aren't pets, they are the hardest, most rewarding opportunity you will ever have. and beating them only betrays them and their spirit.

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

I just wanted to clarify one thing. I am still (unfortunately) very much adicted to violence (hence my job as a prison guard). I just won't use it against kids (cause they are so much smaller and I could really hurt them)

One of the many things I learned as a prison guard was that most people resort to violence. but there are many others ways. Most people talk themselves into violence, its not as learned a response as some would like us to think. Most people though don't have the skills or know where else to turn in the face of violence.

Those are the most important things I think we need to teach our kids. not just resorting to violence because that will "teach a lesson". otherwise your kids may well end up resporting to violence against their spouce, co-workers etc, to "teach them a lesson". they need more, WE need more, and it ain't easy.