[lorenzo]

I'm trying to launch a very small online campaign, a petition (it's about the need for a biodiesel hybrid car), but I fear the English text is very bad.

If anyone of you could help me correct it, I'd be grateful. As you can see, I'm trying to embed a bit of irony in the text ("We, the People"), but I fear it's not working.

Please check it out here: biohybrid.

Thx a lot!

[Carlhole]

Good enough for the girls I go out with! Except...

"Responsabilities" is misspelled. It should be "responsibilities".

In your bullet points, you should say,

"...biodiesel hybrids:

* They...
* They...
* They...

(not *It...)

[Doly]

Lorenzo, like you say, the problem isn't so much in manufacturing the cars. The problem is in getting enough buyers.

Instead of getting people to sign a petition to put pressure on car manufacturers, why don't you ask people to sign a pledge that they would buy such cars if they were available?

THAT would convince car manufacturers.

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Carlhole', 'G')ood enough for the girls I go out with! Except...

"Responsabilities" is misspelled. It should be "responsibilities".

In your bullet points, you should say,

"...biodiesel hybrids:

* They...
* They...
* They...

(not *It...)

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Doly', 'L')orenzo, like you say, the problem isn't so much in manufacturing the cars. The problem is in getting enough buyers.

Instead of getting people to sign a petition to put pressure on car manufacturers, why don't you ask people to sign a pledge that they would buy such cars if they were available?

THAT would convince car manufacturers.

[lorenzo]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Doly', 'L')orenzo, like you say, the problem isn't so much in manufacturing the cars. The problem is in getting enough buyers.

Instead of getting people to sign a petition to put pressure on car manufacturers, why don't you ask people to sign a pledge that they would buy such cars if they were available?

THAT would convince car manufacturers.

[lorenzo]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', '
')The manufacturers are simply catering to what the public wants.

[julianj]

All these are stylistic points, so are up to you.

Put in proper round bullet points: the twin colons look naff.

Replace The advantages of such a biodiesel hybrid car with

The advantages of biodiesel hybrid vehicles (not just cars)

Then change “it” to “they” to agree with the plural – you are not asking them to build one car!

Replace point 5 with
Greenhouse gas emissions can be substantially reduced

Point 6 with

So our reliance on petroleum, which causes terrorism, war, corruption and insecurity all over the world, can be diminished by moving to biodiesel hybrid vehicles.

Either start with uncertainty before terrorism, or cut it out altogether – it’s a diminuendo to go from terrorism to uncertainty!

Point 7(stick it anywhere above)

New, cleaner, greener technologies are the way forward for innovative automotive manufacturers from both an environmental and profit perspective.

REMEMBER YOUR AUDIENCE!!! Motor mfrs want profit

Julian