by k_semler » Thu 21 Jul 2005, 05:19:01
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Free', 'W')ords are so easy. I think many have the wrong impression of killing due to movies, where it goes "bang" and somebody drops dead.
In reality it is a painfully, dirty, disgusting, sad, absolutely gut-wrenching process if somebody dies. Many victims fecate, urinate, bleed, throw up, utter the weirdest sounds, keep shaking in uncontrolled manner before they finally breathe the last time.
The worst and most despicable enemy suddenly is remembered as this most beautiful living, breathing, human being, in contrast to this pile of spiritless shit that he is now, and that we all will become. It shatters the worldview even of the strongest, coldest people.
I work in a nursing home, and the death rate is about 4 people per month. Yes, I will admit when I first saw a person die it was very un nerving. This paticular person refused to take morphine to ease her pain, and her exit from the world appeard to be very painful. It took her 12 hours to leave the world. Thank god she didn't go on my shift. I have found out that most natural deaths from old age occur during the night. The worst part was, that I had to move her posessions out of her room and into the HR office so the family could come pick it up.
We call it a "discharge". Not just a discharge from the biulding mind you, but a discharge from earth. The last person to discharge was Lois Geffner. It is probably better that way anyhow. She was out of her mind in the first place, and she would babble on for hours in her room when nobody was there. When the laundry came later that day, and they were delivering to her room, I actually made the remark, "
Don't bother. She won't be needing those anymore", just as bluntly as I would have remarked about how hot the weather is. It really wasn't that big of a deal for me.
I think it is a sad state of affairs when I become desensitized to human death to disregard it as I would the death of a blackbird. It is a pretty sobering experience working in a nursing home. This is where people come to die. I think I have now got pretty good at being able to "shut off". Now, with just a little bit of effort I can supress all visible signs of any distress, and feel very little. As for them doing BM, that is the coroner's job, so I don't worry about it. The CNAs have to clean up anything that is greater than 5 inches in diameter, and I have to clean the rest of thier room.
There has only been once when I actually was willing to serve prison time for commiting murder, (no, it would not have been justified). That was when I found out my step father was a bisexual addicted to methenphetamines. The only reason why he is not dead, and I behind bars is for one reason, I promised my mother I wouldn't track him down.
When I found out, I was actually ready to look for him, and codly execute him. That is the most hatred I have ever had for a person. And as for the remark,
it is scary when you get that cold feeling in your gug". I agree. It is about the worst you can feel. It was nothing but pure and utter hatred. That was the only time I have ever had a specific person in mind to execute. I even had it planned out. I was going to find out where he was living, and wait up the hill for him with my 7mm focused on the door. When he exited, I planned on letting him get a couple steps out of the door, and slowly squeezing the trigger. I would have then just packed up the rifle, and walked back to my car parked out of sight. It was either that, or just find his truck, and drop a spark plug in his gas tank (pull 1/4 inch above gas level after you hear it hit fluid), and attach a wire to the distributer cap, and when the truck starts, the vehicle blows up leaving no evidence of the perpetrator of the crime behind.
That is one feeling you never want to have, pure hatred. You will be planning things you have never dreamt of before. I wanted him dead, and I was willing to go to prison for the rest of my life over it. That being said, I have never killed a person, nor do I hope I ever have to, (or get so blinded with hatred that I irrationally kill.)
Here Lies the United States Of America.
July 04, 1776 - June 23 2005
Epitaph: "The Experiment Is Over."
Rest In Peace.
Eminent Domain Was The Murderer.