I have noticed that there are different types of doomers on this board. I am a doomer, but I deeply resent being lumped in with milder doomers than myself…they’re obviously wimps, while I regard as lunatics the more extreme types than me who believe we’ll be reduced to fighting each other over the last tin of dogfood, Mad Max style.
So as a service to you all, I have identified different traits of doomers, as a first step towards a classification system.
Note: I feel no need to try to classify optimists: there’s only a couple of them here, and they don’t count.
The Rosy Doomer
Believes we will have a rough decade or two, then society will reorganise and we will be living in a communitarian, localised, permaculture society. Works in a caring profession. Fond of plants.
The Fusionite
Believes we will have a rough decade or two, then Fusion Power/Abiotic Oil/ZPE/Hydrogen will solve all our problems. Always quotes scientific websites. Has so little grasp of practicalities that he (it’s always a he) has already put down a deposit on a Honda Tokamak 17 Hydrogen-Powered Aircar.
The Armageddonite
As in Armageddon-outa-here. Hard Core. Ideal home: apparently wilderness above, supplying game and wood, underneath a bunker with 400 firearms. Thinks recycling only applies to cartridge cases. Expects thousands of starving Nerds from the Burbs to storm the place: boy are they going to be sorry.
Gloomer Doomer
“I’m too old/sick/indebted to survive, I’ll just carry on as normal until my end comes.”
Stalag Tight
Thinks that there will only be two professions post-peak. Labourer and Overseer. Practises snarling: “Work harder or you’ll feel the lash!” in the mirror. Ideal Christmas present: a solar powered Tazer.
Economite
Believes that Peak Oil is not the greatest threat, it is the market fears and economic meltdown it will trigger. Stockpiles food, toilet paper, water, medicine, toilet paper,seeds, and panic-buys essential consumer items like iPods and Plasma screens, and toilet paper in case of shortages. Particularly fond of glow-in-the-dark coffeemugs - which will be important post peak as you will need to be caffeinated to get through the blackouts.
Party Animal
Certain PO is going to be the “Big Bad”. Spends all their money, lives for the day, still drives a big car, flies anywhere they can. Drinks, takes drugs and parties. Always checks the air miles on food, then buys the most ecologically damaging - “WTF: whatever happens will happen.”
The Obsessional
Makes vast lists of all the necessary steps to take. Then matrixes those lists by time-to-peak, and Soft or Hard Landing, to create option profiles. Exhausted by the complexity of this planning, does nothing.
The Historian
A version of the above. Obsessively studies history as a guide to what will happen. Has accumulated a lot of gruesome studies of failing societies. Family now avoid The Historian as aged relatives do not relish enquiries like: “Auntie May, tell me how you survived the Depression. Do you still remember how to cook human flesh?”
Flip-flopper
Oscillates between slightly darker version of the Rosy Doomer, and the worst fantasies of the Armageddonite. Sought psychiatric help, but explained PO so convincingly to the shrink they had a breakdown and are now incarcerated in their own institution.
What type am I? A Flip-flopper with a bit of the Historian.








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