Ingredients of Transition: Respectful Communication

The challenge:

There are few things more off-putting for newcomers to an organisation, nor more destabilising for the initiative, than for those involved to lose their ability to listen to each other, or to communicate in the without kindness. Any organisation that fails to maintain levels of respectful communication between its members runs the risk of rapidly dissolve into rancour and animosity.

Core Text

What is meant by respectfulness? We all have our own concept of what it isn’t; whether it is people we have encountered who are rude, brash and incapable of listening, or whether it is Prime Minister’s Questions. Respectful communication is certainly something that we know when we see it, and it draws a lot from the idea of civility. It is worth looking at the idea of civility in terms of understanding how there are both healthy and unhealthy forms of it…

In its unhealthy manifestation, civility can uphold status quos and established power relationships in a way that runs counter to Transition’s wish to foster a new and dynamic culture. Civility can become confused with passivity in a way that can be very unhealthy. In some cultures, for example, for a woman, or people of particular social class or ethnic background, to participate in civic and/or political life in any way would be seen as uncivil behaviour.

Virginia Shapiro has argued that in terms of the advancement of women’s rights, “there simply was no way for women to advance their interests through politics in a civil manner”¹. As Ronald Reagan’s son Michael (quite possibly the only time you will see him quoted in this book) put it, “after all, revolutions aren’t made without ruffling feathers and revolutionaries aren’t renowned for their etiquette”². Civility is, of course, easier to achieve when people are more likely to agree with each other, and to understand each other. As Shapiro puts it, civility is “hard to achieve in any setting in which people have differences of status, history, culture or intent”.

Yet civility, or respectful communication, in its healthier manifestation, can be one of the key elements of success in a Transition initiative. One forceful, rude person can drive many more people away from the valuable work being undertaken, and can make progress impossible. As much as anything, the practice of respectful communication is about being mindful. Mindful of trying to understand the views of your opponents. Mindful of remaining open to persuasion, not attaching rigidly to the rightness of your argument. Mindful of approaching others with courtesy and clarity. It is an openness to the possibility that the person you are talking to might actually have something interesting or useful to say.

One of the key aspects is around body language and active listening. Nobody likes speaking to someone who clearly would rather not be listening to them. Listening with folded arms, slouched in a chair with tapping feet, wandering eyes and a mind that is clearly elsewhere, is not really listening. Sitting up, being attentive, maintaining good eye contact, giving good feedback, all introduce a level of mutual respect to meeting and working with others that are highly valuable.

At the end of the day, respectful communication is pretty straightforward. Yes, there may well be times politically when being uncivil, or disrespectful, is called for, when being very badly behaved is entirely appropriate, but as a default position, we all know how feeling respected feels. When we interact with someone who listens to us, has an open attitude and engages with us, we feel good, as opposed to interactions with someone who is rude and abrasive. If we know what feels good, it will benefit our Transition work hugely if we can always bear than in mind, and ensure that people who we meet are left feeling the same way.

The solution:

Promote a culture of politeness and respectful communication throughout your meetings and your organisation. Encourage active listening and teach those skills if they do not already exist. Extend this into all areas of the work your group does. Value qualities of compassion and respect throughout the work you do.

Transition Culture