The Ultimate Race: Peak Oil vs. Global Warming

Last year, in a fit of journo-satirical inspiration, we gamed out an enviro-athletic competition based on the pseudo-serious question: What will end the world first, Global Warming or Peak Oil? We called it The Ultimate Race. And after an offseason hiatus, the race is on, again. For how long? Well, that’s kind of the point of the whole exercise, isn’t it?

THIS WEEK: CAPITALISM’S CREATIVE DESTRUCTION!

One of the great things about the Ultimate Race was that it promised to be an ugly, enduring and utterly entertaining rivalry, a la Auburn vs. Alabama, UCLA vs. USC and Limbaugh vs. 75% of the United States.

There was just no telling when the world would end. And though the Ultimate Race took a break from coverage, the winter competition continued apace, with plenty of highlight reel stuff. Oil prices collapsed, sure, but that meant petro-tyrants like Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Dick Cheney were short of cash, which meant they had no money to invest in extraction equipment. And on Election Day, even the Empress of Drill Baby Drill got drilled (seemed to be a lot of that in the household). Which meant America’s vast-untapped-actually-not-really-that-large offshore oil reserves would have to wait.

And that was great news for Peak Oil! With low, low prices, there’s no profit motive, which means no reason to explore for more oil, which means sooner or later, an inevitable demand spike will be met by crippling shortages, leading to the end of civilization!

ESPN