by Kent » Thu 04 Aug 2005, 16:57:17
TRUE STORY:
When I was 12 or 13 years old I went with my parents, brother, sister and a few family friends on a trip to Colorado for our summer vacation (we're from Texas). One day we stopped to have lunch in a small town in southwest Colorado called Creede, an old mining town located just over Wolf Creek Pass from Durango. Creede was apparently pretty hot back during the silver rush, but now has just a few hundred residents and caters mainly to the summer tourist crowd.
We all sat down to eat at the main restaurant in town (probably the ONLY restaurant in town) which was a sort of old, darkish saloon/cafe. We were seated at a large, rustic, round wooden table--the kind where everybody can see everybody else. The menu was pretty limited from what I remember, and I'm not even sure exactly what I ordered (probably a hamburger), but I do remember that everybody got a small dinner salad to start off their meal.
The dinner salads arrived at the table...don't remember much about them, but they were probably those cheapo "diner salads"...you know...iceberg lettuce, a few carrot shards and one tasteless tomato wedge covered in thousand island dressing, served in a little imitation wooden bowl and containing not one ounce of nutrition. So here I am eating my salad.... eating.... eating.... when slowly it starts to dawn on me that one piece of "lettuce" in my salad is kinda hard to chew. No problem... I keep on chewing anyway...chewing... chewing...chewing... harder and harder... sorta like when you get a tough piece of steak you can't chew up but it's still too big to just swallow, and you don't want to embarrass yourself by reaching into your mouth or spitting it out at the table in front of everybody, so you just keep chewing.
So I go at this "piece of lettuce" even HARDER....really chewing and working on it, getting it nice and juicy with my saliva. At this point I've already swallowed everything else in my mouth besides the "tough piece of lettuce" so my tongue is now free to get a better feel of this "lettuce," explore its contours, probe its volume and density. And it is here that I begin to notice that this "lettuce" has a strange sort of texture, kind of rubbery or plasticy. It is now obvious that I am NOT going to be able to chew whatever-this-is up. So I quietly reach into my mouth and pull out....a BAND AIDE.
Everyone at the table, adults, kids, everybody, stops eating, looks up and sees me holding this Band Aide in the palm of my hand. And it is immediately apparent to all of us where this Band Aide has come from--it has fallen off one of the COOK'S FINGERS. Not to gross everybody out, but you really need to get a good picture of what we're talking about here. This wasn't just some little Band Aide that might have been covering a tiny scratch or mosquito bite. This Band Aide had obviously been used as first-aid for some deep cut or wound the cook had received in the kitchen, because the absorbent pad in the middle of the plastic/rubber strip was really bloody in the middle and then sort of yellow and pus-like as it expanded out and got crusty and brown around the edges. It was beyond nasty.
The funny thing is, since I was only a kid at the time I don't remember being all that grossed out by the incident, but when I looked up at the adults' faces, they were absolutely green. Everyone was completely fouled out. Needless to say the salad-eating came to an immediate halt. I think one of the adults even had to excuse herself from the table.
The strangest part--although we brought the situation to the waitress' attention, nothing was taken off our bill. I remember quite clearly that she only offered to "bring us another salad."
There shall in that time be rumors of things going astray, and nobody will know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment, seen only just the night before, about eight O'clock --Boring Prophet, Life of Brian