[Barbara]

At this point, I really need a specialist advice about "denial". Hubby is a serious case of it. Read Heinberg, know everything, but still believes:
- It won't happen soon
- It will happen slowly
- People will adapt and simply consume a bit less
- Govts will take measures
- Nobody will lose his job
- No problem of food
- Scientists will find something

I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to face this reality. He doesn't want to admit his life is going to change, he doesn't want to change ANYTHING. It's not a question of being optimist/pessimist, is a question of being blind and deaf.
He absolutely refuses to take ANY measure, not the most stupid like taking some money from the bank (I've asked "Let's take as little as 1000 euros and hide them just in case!" but he firmly said NO). This make me think he is in a strong state of denial: doing the most unsignificant thing means ADMISSION, so he refuses it.

Any advice?

[Aaron]

They say marriage is a series of compromises...

But I think they meant compromise by BOTH partners.

[RonMN]

Like so many members of my family & my friends. I wish i had some advice for you! i could use some myself. it seems 99% are in denial & possibly 80% still will be when there is little food to eat & riots outside your window.

I did trick my sis into watching "end of suburbia"...she understood it, she saw the logic of it...she agreed with it...but now it seems only a distant memory to her & it's fading fast

[ohanian]

Denial is a river in Egypt.

See, I know perfectly well what denial is.

[Nike62]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Barbara', '
')I've come to the conclusion that he doesn't want to face this reality.

[Doly]

Barbara, you have something in your favour, and it is that your husband accepts that peak oil will happen. He's a lot closer to "getting it" that the ignorant millions.

Denial is a normal reaction, and you should accept it as normal. In a normal person, it will break down eventually under the force of facts. To speed the process, there are a few things do's and don'ts

DO
- introduce changes slowly - suggest minor improvements
- suggest your precautions as a "just in case", not against something that will inevitably happen
- find the positive side of it - is there anything about peak oil that will make the world, in any aspect, a bit better from your husband's point of view?
- maintain a coherent attitude at all times - it's much easier to see you as the mad one if you seem to change opinion all the time
- find authority opinions to back you from newspapers

DON'T
- be a doomer
- try to change his mind overnight
- show him that you are anxious about it - of course you are, but this isn't what he needs to see at this point - he's in denial to avoid anxiety!
- mention doubtful sources to him - they will be food for his denial, because they are easy to reject

[Madpaddy]

Barbara,

Withdraw conjugal rights unless and until he does what you say. Works for my wife every time . Of course I know if I can hold out long enough she will fold but I always seem to fold first.

[Aira]

My husband is similarly in the state of denial. After a while I just gave up talking about it, but a few weeks later, I started suggesting we should do some things in the interest of emergency planning. I am having far better luck getting preps done when it's under the guise of earthquake preparedness, fire safety, and the like. Plus it helps to put the idea in his head that bad things could happen and that we should be ready for them. I think that'll help put him into a more receptive mood when I decide to press the "peak oil" issues again in a little while.

[PhilBiker]

My wife is completely in denial. She thinks I'm a kook and so does her family. It sucks. At least being an avid backpacker I've got a good excuse to have lots of survival/emergency gear.

The good thing is that our house, though way too big for us, is in a TND not suburban sprawl, near easily re-recoverable recently abandoned farmland. Long damn commute though.

[Barbara]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'D')ON'T
...
- try to change his mind overnight

[Free]

Yes it's very easy Barbara: Just tell him that he was absolutely right, that you just discovered that Peak Oil is a complete hoax and that you want to invest in some fuel intensive sectors of the industry etc., because gas prizes will plummet soon - soon you will discover him reading books about survival and gardening

[Riverside]

My husband knows about PO, but isn't ready to prepare because he believes technology will save us....

Finally I decided to take action and not wait around for him. Then I got to the point where I was trying to do too much by myself and had to ask him for help. That is when we had the "so you think this is really serious" conversation. His view still hasn't changed, but he knows that I need to prepare inorder to not be anxious. He is a little peeved that I am digging holes for fruit trees on "his" front yard, but he'll get over it.

What would your husband do if you took the money out of the bank anyway, and hid it? Or half the money? Tell him you need to do it in order to feel secure, and (working with the male macho image) since he won't take care of you, you have to do it yourself.

Carla

[oowolf]

I wonder how many are aware, to some degree, of how dependent we are? I would say that most of us are PATHOLOGICALLY dependent upon petroindustrial civilization; that is, if we were cut-off for even a short time, most of us would die. Is this not true? Do most of us NOT realize this, at least subconsciously but perhaps repress it? (sorry about the psychobabble)
Isn't this dependence-induced anxiety behind the pathetic whining we have to endure every time the price of gas goes up a few cents?

[ProdigalMoon]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Barbara', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'D')ON'T
...
- try to change his mind overnight

[k_semler]

Convincing others of PO is just like chopping down a tree with an Axe. It cannot be done in one stike, unless you are superman); it must be done with a series of bows that gradually force the tree to fall under it's own weight. I think I have finally managed to cinvice my mother of it by deluging her in a constant stream of PO related news stories for a year. I usually email her 15-20 emails a day with different stories pertaining to PO. It will take some time, just like chopping down a tree. The length of time to do it will vary greatly depending on how often you send news, they type of personality, the source of the news, reliance upon current society and govenment solutions, and other factors.

[Barbara]

Some update.


We had a discussion with hubby's father (which doesn't believe) and hubby defended PO more than me! And he admitted "I always say 'they'll find something' but it's a lie... I don't think they'll find anything"

Then he told me that if/when the US will attack Iran, it will be definite proof for him and we'll rush to prepare.

But now... what to hope for?

[Doly]

I told you Barbara, your hubby didn't look far from being convinced.

A war on Iran won't be necessary if the States or Europe take any other clear action showing that they believe in Peak Oil. A friend of mine that was always very doubtful about peak oil has just become convinced after the last energy speech by Bush.