[DamienJasper]

Okay, so here's the deal:

I've been stressing on and off about this since about 2002. That's when I first heard about the Thermal depolymerization process by Changing World Technologies. So I was like "Great! There's hope!". Now, whenever things get hot and heavy in Iraq, I fall into a hideous pit of despair. I'm a religious person but also easily depressed. I look at the hideous death and destruction and thing "Fuck. It's all about oil and they think it's about freedom". But then I would think "But not for long. Changing World Technologies might save us". Well after being on this site a few times, I know why that won't work. So now I'm REALLY depressed. I'm just looking for...I dunno. Words of support or something. A few things to consider:

A) I've got a twin brother. We both turned 21 in December. I won't even begin to explain how close this bond is. But I will guarantee that it is at least 10X stronger than any bond you'll ever know. It's almost telepathic. He's in the Navy. He'll be in on leave from April 13-25th. Then when he goes back to Virginia, his carrier group will be deployed to the Mediterreanean (SP) until October. Communication with him will be off and on. Depending on when he's in port. With things getting hot and heavy with Syria and Iran because of you know what, I just feel like this leave might be the last one. It scares me to death, facing the world alone. I was in a state of ultra despaired shock for 2 months after he left for basic training. I can only imagine what the world would be like without him.

Which brings me to another point. Assume that all they do from May until October is dilly dally from ports in Spain, Greece and Italy the whole time. STILL, he's not out of the Navy until April of '09. Sometimes, all I do is just pray that the world doesn't go to hell in a handcart before then. I just have this deep down feeling that I'd rather spend the shittiest time in the history of the world with the one person in the world I truly care about. I think trying to weather this global storm alone, always wondering about him, and him doing the same about me (resulting in a truly soul shattering mirror effect known only to twins), would truly drive me insane. I walk the jagged line between theoretically blissful insanity and eternal despair. God, every day is an effort when I'm like this, and nothing will fix it. No "happy drug", no politician, no vacation, no raise at work. Nothing. I just want my brother. Am I selfish for feeling like that?

That's all I have to say right now. God bless us all.

[Raxozanne]

If he is in the Navy I believe that it is more likely that he will be saving your ass when it all goes to pot. They get really cool life saving equipement and are all up on survival techniques as part of their training. If he is as close to you as you say then he will come and find you when things go tits up and he will be more prepared than the average civilian.

[Barbara]

Damien,
your post really melted my heart. This is what I can say to you: living in the Mediterranean, I can assure you the US military can enjoy a good life here. When they are in Naples, or in other ports in Greece or Spain, people is very welcoming with them. Think of your brother laying on a sunny beach sipping fresh wine.
I also think there will be no problem in the Mediterranean: it's an European sea, and if he's not going to Israel he will be safe. No war here: I can assure you. Maybe in 2020 who knows , but now there's no risk.
He will bring you some souvenirs and you'll be together again in few time.
God bless you both. Keep us informed.
Barbara from Italy.

[DamienJasper]

And ya know...worse yet I just read that stuff about the draft in the current events. Look, I'm not afraid of dying because I'm scared of death. It goes back to that mirror effect. I know my violent and sudden and lonely death would hurt my brother and probably drive him to lifelong depression. Never getting to say goodbye is our WORST fear (next to dying itself).

2nd off, I know some people will call me a chickenshit, but I am a consientious objector. I'm a deeply religious person. I work for and am a member of the Salvation Army. I'm being groomed to be a Officer Cadet in a couple of years. (The equivalent of a Preist who also handles social service work). I can't kill. I can't even attempt to kill. I can't even put on the facade. But if they bring this draft back and I apply for the CO status, it will be denied, hands down. They don't give a shit. I won't be eligible for the "Ministerial Student" deferrement for a year and a half or two years. It's too much to bear...

I feel myself walking on the edge of sanity tonight. And there's no end in sight. Again, I just want my brother back.

[DamienJasper]

And ya know, now that I've read some posts about Iran hitting a US warship, either with or without US "allowance", I'm really scared. No way I'm gonna sleep tonight. I really want my brother back. This is going to be a very bittersweet vacation for me.

[Jack]

Welcome to Peak Oil, DamienJasper!

I've moved your thread to open discussion, since it isn't strongly connected to hydrocarbon depletion.

Please accept my best wishes that you and your brother get to face the future years together.

[pip]

Is there any safer place in the world than a US carrier?

[Madpaddy]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'I')s there any safer place in the world than a US carrier?

[DamienJasper]

Lord I'm so depressed.

[DamienJasper]

This all makes me feel so depressed, frightened, anxious, angry and helpless all at the same time. And I just can't get rid of it. I can't sleep. I can't function like a normal human. I'm not even the same peson I was 2 weeks ago.

How do you live with this? What's the motivation to even keep going to class? How can you even summon the energy to stick on foot in front of the other? There is LITERALLY, no hope.

Oh man....

[Aaron]

Give yourself some time...

Your outlook will improve from desperation to motivation.

[mrniceguy]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('DamienJasper', '
')
How do you live with this? What's the motivation to even keep going to class? How can you even summon the energy to stick on foot in front of the other? There is LITERALLY, no hope.

Oh man....

[stu]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', 'G')ive yourself some time...

Your outlook will improve from desperation to motivation.

[EnviroEngr]

For a little commisseration: http://www.peakoil.com/fortopic119.html

[DamienJasper]

I'll keep that stuff in mind. But I only feel worse today. I haven't been to sleep in two days. I've considered calling the Suicide Prevention Phone numbers in my area. I'll see how I feel once I actually get some sleep.

[Ebyss]

In a future as bleak as the one you imagine, you will be needed. It's clear you are a caring person, many people will need your help. The skills your brother learned in the army will be of enormous use to you both. Do you have a garden? Learn how to grow your own food. You are clearly terrified at the moment, you need to sleep. You need to sit back, and take stock of the situation. The future is unlikely to be so hideous if you can figure out a plan that you can put into action should you need to. Learn some skills that might be valuable, like gardening, and focus on all the things you can do, rather than panicking about things that you simply cannot control.

Obviously, your primary concern here is your brother. Imagine how awful he would feel if you did commit suicide, it would be the worst thing in the world for him, especially as he would not have been here to help you when you needed it.

While he is away, write him letters, whether you send them or not, about how you feel. You might find this a cathartic process, and it may help you figure out what you need to do. Also, you might want to get involved in a Peace movement, or anti-war movement. Show the government your objection to war, you may think that you cannot make a difference, but every person matters (see my second quote in my signature).

There are so many things you have to look forward to in life, including seeing your brother again. The truth is no-one on these forums know what's going to happen in the next ten, twenty, fifty years... we are all just guessing (ok, educated guesses, but still).

[DamienJasper]

A) He's in the Navy, not the Army

B) I am so torn between just not wanting to be here on the planet and staying for him. He is the only thing keeping me here today as I type this. I can tell you right now that if I was an only child, I'd be dead already.

C) Is there any purpose toward pursuing my education anymore?

D) How can I worry about caring for other people if I am starving to death? I'm a Christian, but my care will do little good if everyone is running around crazy, Mad Max style.

E) Also, it seems we're all thinking "Economic Collapse" here. Did you ever consider that the world is gonna fight like hell to get the remaining oil before that happens? Like dogs over a piece of raw meat.

It's not that I want to die, I just don't wanna be here.

[Ayoob_Reloaded]

There's always hope. Try not to think about it too much. Concentrate on something you like to do.

[Ayoob_Reloaded]

That was mean, you're right.

{thanks, Ayoob; EE}

[DamienJasper]

That wasn't funny.

What's the point of planting a garden if someone is just going to come up and slit your throat to get it?

Seriously tho, what is there to hope for? There is no hope. I don't think a word even exists for how desolate and depressed I feel. It's miles beyond despair. I don't know how much longer I can take it.