[dissimulo]

I have always been a loner. In high school, after a lot of struggles trying to get me to act like everyone else, I was diagnosed with schizoid disorder. Who knows if that is accurate though - most social disorder criteria is pretty mushy. My kind of personality does run in the men on my mother's side of the family.

I usually explain to people that I have no concept of the emotion of loneliness. When people describe this feeling, it is an alien concept. (For that matter, I also suspect that the social emotions that other people experience are not the same as what I experience - at least in terms of intensity.)

However, I do have an emotion that seems to be the opposite of loneliness. After a period of time in the presence of people, I must get away and recover in solitude. The symptoms I experience when I can't get this time alone are very similar to what people describe when they experience protracted loneliness.

I can enjoy time spent with other people in moderation, but I don't have any friends and don't seek them out. I put on a social personality when I need it (which I had to learn as an adult, in order to be successful in the workplace) but it is always a bit strained.

I am blessed to live in the age of the Internet, which has allowed me to learn a lot about how other people think, without having to directly interact with them.

[MadScientist]

Perhaps you are a Warlord

[JJ]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'T')hanks, Auntie. It's just not a way of being I can identify with, this ability to hang out, to have people who want to invite you over for dinner, and the ability to just go do it without anxiety. It's a foreign world.

[Heineken]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Lumpy', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Lumpy', 'T')his is so strange. I do so well in my work. I come through for so many people -- both through work and others who need me. But I really seem to be unable or maybe long-standing-unwilling (for reasons from the past, I would guess) to let people become and stay close enough to me to allow them to come through for me.
I think this is pretty self-sabotaging behavior. And having the chance to write it down here has started me with rethinking as to how I might really address this problem in a serious way.
Thanks for the thread.

[Auntie_Cipation]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'T')hanks, Auntie. It's just not a way of being I can identify with, this ability to hang out, to have people who want to invite you over for dinner, and the ability to just go do it without anxiety. It's a foreign world.

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('BigTex', 'I')'ll bet if you went to a peakoil.com convention

[threadbear]

I'm like Big Tex, I test just slightly into the introverted zone, but am pretty much down the middle, so I understand both modes pretty well. I'm acutely sensitive to group dynamics, so unless I'm distracted by dynamic conversation where people are discussing things with great passion and knowledge I start picking up on all of the social cuing, small talk inanity, and general stiltedness of groups. Then I become overwhelmingly self conscious, because I am picking up on how socially anxious, status conscious, other people are. And as they are, so I become. The human amplifier, the empath....(the nutbar )

What people who are shy have to understand is the only way to get past themselves is to get past themselves. They have to be involved with something they feel so passionate about that it overrides all other considerations, self included.

Shyness and a tendency towards feelings of mortification and embarrassment can't and shouldn't be eliminated, because they are strong civilizing features. Check all the shy individuals you know and what you'll find common to their personalities, is a strong sense of morality, and a desire to do good. Their sense of embarrassment often radiates from intense self scrutiny where they think they are somehow falling short.

Without the introverted reflective types we would revert to barbarism pdq.

[Ferretlover]

Quite a group, aren't we?

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'M')y "social life" is mostly on the internet. Which is kind of like writing letters to strangers.

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('firestarter', 'I') consider message forums like this a poor substitute to face to face contact/intimacy.

[RedStateGreen]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('FoolYap', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'W')ell? Are you, punk? I am. All my life (since my earliest memories) I've been outside the crowd. Never quite fit in. Felt uncomfortable and awkward around strangers, and a sense of conflict and competition with them. Didn't have many friends, and didn't long keep the ones I had. Believed in nutty things like peak oil (although I didn't call it that then) and environmental collapse. Was attracted to the empty places, to forests, to animals. Disliked most of the mainstream stuff, like shopping, football, and McDonald's.
I'm prepared to be friendly with people, but I just don't know how to begin. It's as though those neuronal tracts are hopelessly stunted.
Share your thoughts about lonerdom, whether you are one or not.

[Quinny]

OK - I'll come clean - I've also got this problem where I can only make love to my wife or a beautiful women between 18 and 60 who asks me first. In the words of Diana Ross - I'm still waiting!
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ferretlover', 'Q')uite a group, aren't we?

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'I')f my husband dies before I do I have determined to join a church even though I would be a complete hypocrite to do so, but there is no other social support network for folks out here that I know of. I used to like church, so maybe I would end up believing all that again (I sort of doubt it though).

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'S')o if you're lonely it's your own damn fault?

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'T')hanks, Auntie. It's just not a way of being I can identify with, this ability to hang out, to have people who want to invite you over for dinner, and the ability to just go do it without anxiety. It's a foreign world.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'I')f my husband dies before I do I have determined to join a church even though I would be a complete hypocrite to do so, but there is no other social support network for folks out here that I know of. I used to like church, so maybe I would end up believing all that again (I sort of doubt it though).

[killJOY]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'S')omeone mentioned "visiting" above to avoid feeling lonely.. Who do you visit and how do you do it?

[threadbear]

Ludi, Seeing as you are a talented artist, have you thought about maybe teaching art to a few people in your own home, or just getting together with a couple of other artists to do a project of some kind.

Cooking is another activity where your attention is divided between yourself, food and the people around you. A cooking class would be helpful.

Going to bars...uh uh. Glad you stopped that!

[Ludi]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Auntie_Cipation', ' ')For me it's the combination of alcohol and dates -- the idea of drinking combined with meeting new people -- I just don't get that. I mean, people behave differently when they've been drinking... and the changes aren't usually for the better!

[Byron100]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ludi', 'M')y "social life" is mostly on the internet. Which is kind of like writing letters to strangers.