[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('GASMON', 'O')ther forums I visit have a Jokes section in the index. Given much of the grave content of peak oil, how about a jokes thread which would tend to liven things up a little.

Anyway, for a start, (moderator moderating),

George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

The Queen replies "I'm sorry Mr. Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"

To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush".

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"

The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replies "Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

Gasmon

[charliebrownout]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('GASMON', '
')
Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

Gasmon

[jasonraymondson]

What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?


See you next month.


Can't get much worse than that.

[Aaron]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('jasonraymondson', 'W')hat did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?


See you next month.


Can't get much worse than that.

[jasonraymondson]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('jasonraymondson', 'W')hat did the one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?


See you next month.


Can't get much worse than that.

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', '
')
Sure you can.

A child molester is walking through the dark, scary woods holding hands with a 5 year old boy. After some time, the boy looks up at the child molester and says, "Mister... I'm scarred".

The child molester looks down at the young boy and replies, "You're scarred... I have to walk back alone."

See

[jasonraymondson]

a little girl is talking to her mom and says, "mommy, the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut." The mother laughs and asks, "why is that? Is it really tiny?" The daughter says, "no, it’s cuz it’s salty...."

[jasonraymondson]

That joke seemed to have killed the thread

[bodigami]

ok... we should keep the joking for bitter spontaneous jokes... no one has said something remotely funny.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('jasonraymondson', 'T')hat joke seemed to have killed the thread

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('zensui', 'o')k... we should keep the joking for bitter spontaneous jokes... no one has said something remotely funny.

[HEADER_RACK]

A man was tired of living the city life and wanted to move out to the country. So he packed up and headed out to a remote place to start his homestead. One night he had a visitor to his house.
"Howdy I'm your neighbor from about a half mile down the road and wanted to invite you to a party I'm having tomorrow night" "There's going to be alot of drinking going on"
The man said I have been known to hold my own so I should be ok.
"Prolly going to be some fighting to "
I'll try and stay out the way the man replied.
"going to be some fucking to "
I like the sound of that been kinda alone here. I'll go!
"Great said the neighbor, see you tomorrow around 8"
As the neighbor turned to walk away the man asked him
"what should I wear?"

"oh doesn't much matter it's just going to be me and you"

[Kylon]

I have a joke.


John Paul the II, and a corporate lawyer both arrive at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter says, "Welcome to Heaven, I would like to show you to your quarters, where you'll be staying for eternity."

So St. Peter takes John Paul the II to his quarters first. He shows him a nice small cottage, with a stream flowing.

Now the lawyer gets nervous, because he thinks to himself "I'm far worse than the pope. If all he gets is a small cottage, what will I get?"

St. Peter then takes the lawyer and shows him to his home. It's a large palace, with every amenity you could possibly imagine.

The Lawyer says to St. Peter "Umm, not that I'm complaining, but how come I get this huge palace, and the Pope got a small cottage?"

St. Peter replied, "In Heaven we've got lots of Popes, but your the first lawyer we've ever had!"



I've got more jokes.

[jasonraymondson]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('HEADER_RACK', 'A') man was tired of living the city life and wanted to move out to the country. So he packed up and headed out to a remote place to start his homestead. One night he had a visitor to his house.
"Howdy I'm your neighbor from about a half mile down the road and wanted to invite you to a party I'm having tomorrow night" "There's going to be alot of drinking going on"
The man said I have been known to hold my own so I should be ok.
"Prolly going to be some fighting to "
I'll try and stay out the way the man replied.
"going to be some fucking to "
I like the sound of that been kinda alone here. I'll go!
"Great said the neighbor, see you tomorrow around 8"
As the neighbor turned to walk away the man asked him
"what should I wear?"

"oh doesn't much matter it's just going to be me and you"

[BigTex]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick.

[rdberg1957]

anyone have any peak oil jokes?

[jasonraymondson]

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

The first said, “I’m the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and eight months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second said, “That’s nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in the Olympic decathlon.”

The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol, rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse’s ass and a cowboy hat. Now he’s president of the United States.”

[Pretorian]

An old surgeon instructing a young one before his first surgery:

-- Listen, I understand that cutting the living flesh for the first time is an unsual feeling, but try not to push hard, you may scratch the table.

[jasonraymondson]

have you heard the one about a guy spotted a girl out in the street with the perfect breasts
and ran up to her and asks
- sorry but I couldn't help noticing your perfect
breasts - would you let me bite them for a hundred
dolalrs
- f^$#$ off
- how about a thousand
- no way, I'm not a whore!
- how about ten thousand?!
the woman thought for a while, after all
thats a substantial amount
- well ok, but not here
so they walk into a dark alley, she takes
her top off and shows the most beautifull breasts
in the world.
The guy starts fondling and carresing them, sucking
and kissing on the nipples, after a while the girl
is getting a little impatien
- are you going to finally bite them or not?!?!
- naaaa, ten thousand is a little too expensive for me