It takes a great deal of logic to justify killing, war, and imperialism. Therefore, I present to you the greatest, most logical, and most reasonable philosophy on earth!
Slavery, Through the Ages
--Slaves are unworthy of freedom, just because.
--I am somone worthy of holding slaves, because I'm such a great guy.
--Therefore, I must conquer, exploit, and kill to get and keep slaves.
Early Agricultural Conquest
--Seems that our farming society just gets bigger and bigger.
--Who cares?
--Wow, we're running out of land to expand into.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill to get more land, and maybe a few slaves.
Ancient Greek Patriotism
--We are Greek.
--The barbarians are not Greek.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill the barbarians.
Obedience of the Roman Empire
--Our emperor is great.
--We should obey our emperor.
--The emperor wants to expand the empire.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill in the name of the emperor.
Imperial Dreams of the Roman Conquerers
--I think it would be really cool if I could rule the world.
--Wars and taxes will be necessary to do this.
--Therefore, I must conquer, exploit, and kill everything. Period.
Patriotism of Mideival Europe
--I was born in X country.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill to expand X country.
Religious Bigotry of the Crusades
--I was born a Catholic.
--Therefore, Catholic Christianity is the one true religion, and all who are not Catholic will suffer.
--There are non-Catholics controling a holy land of Christianity.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill those who refuse to be Catholic, and get back our holy land.
--This was such a pleasant experience that I think we should do it a dozen or so more times.
Conservativism of the Mideival Catholic Church
--Catholicism, the way it is, is the only belief acceptable, just because.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill heretics.
European Imperialism, 15th-19th Century
--There's a big world out there.
--I was born a Christian.
--Therefore, the non-Christian natives we've found don't deserve life, freedom, or happiness; you know, kinda like animals and women.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill them.
Manifest Destiny
--America is super-cool.
--God gave America this land. We just happen to know this.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill to take this land.
European Darwinistic Imperialism, 19th-20th Century
--It seems that, in nature, the fittest animals survive.
--Therefore, the fittest societies should survive.
--Therefore, our society is the fittest.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill any society we can.
Indian Wars and Native Assimilation of America
--Our Christian, civilized American society is super-cool.
--The Indians don't use land, worship, or live like we do.
--Therefore, the Indians are using land, worshipping, and living wrong.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill them, and take their land.
--Treaties? What treaties?! I don't know about no treaties! Oh, those treaties...
WWI--The Allies
--The fittest societies should survive.
--Therefore, we've built up militaries and alliances.
--Hmm, seems a little assassination has cause two groups of allied countries to oppose each other.
--Ok, then, let's kill each other and see who's still standing in the end. That'll be fun.
--Yay, we won!
--Wow, that wasn't too fun, with all that trench warfare stuff. Since we won, let's blame it on Germany, and stick Germany with a whole bunch of punishment and humiliation. I sure hope our meanness doesn't bite us in the ass in the future.
--Also, since we won, let's divide the countries in the Middle East according to what's best for us, instead of letting them be devided according to the wishes of the various religious and ethnic groups. I really hope that doesn't bite us in the ass, either.
McCarthyism
--American capitalism is super-cool. Who cares what the cost of that system is?
--Oh, the communists and socialists care.
--Therefore, communists and socialists don't deserve life, freedom, or happiness; you know, kinda like black people and the poor.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill the communists and socialists (and maybe a few activists, too).
American Patriotism Today
--America is great.
--Therefore, those who oppose America will be branded as unpatriotic, be ostracized, spend time in jail, have their lives ruined, or possibly even be killed. You are either for us, or against us.


