Twenty bucks -- same as in town.
Your mother, a bucket and a piece of string.
5. One to hold the light bulb, 4 to turn the ladder.
None. That's a hardware problem.
Think what that will do to the stock market.
Bring me a child of five.
How the elephant got in my pajamas I'll never know.
It's your day in the barrel.
They paint their toenails red.
PeakOil is You
Punchlines
First unread post • 14 posts
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Re: Punchlines
by Schadenfreude » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 01:36:28
Now, whenever I sidle on up, my dick reaches up outta my pants, grabs the peanuts and shoves them up my ass.
- Schadenfreude
Re: Punchlines
by smallpoxgirl » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 01:46:16
I'm a frayed knot.
Because a sheep can hear a zipper at a hundred yards.
Only two, but they have to be teeny-weeny.
That's not funny!
The good news is, your friend is going to live, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable.
Do you suppose we can take these off now?
Because a sheep can hear a zipper at a hundred yards.
Only two, but they have to be teeny-weeny.
That's not funny!
The good news is, your friend is going to live, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable.
Do you suppose we can take these off now?
"We were standing on the edges
Of a thousand burning bridges
Sifting through the ashes every day
What we thought would never end
Now is nothing more than a memory
The way things were before
I lost my way" - OCMS
Of a thousand burning bridges
Sifting through the ashes every day
What we thought would never end
Now is nothing more than a memory
The way things were before
I lost my way" - OCMS
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smallpoxgirl - Expert
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Re: Punchlines
by SchroedingersCat » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 02:10:37
Only two, but I don't know how they got in there!
Yep, she's pregnant too!
No, we figured out what's causing it!
Every morning about 7:30 my dad knocks on the bathroom door and says, "God! are you still in there?"
I've got you fooled today, I'm not wearing any!
22! 22! 22!
Yep, she's pregnant too!
No, we figured out what's causing it!
Every morning about 7:30 my dad knocks on the bathroom door and says, "God! are you still in there?"
I've got you fooled today, I'm not wearing any!
22! 22! 22!
Civilization is a personal choice.
- SchroedingersCat
- Tar Sands
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Re: Punchlines
by Tyler_JC » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 02:12:31
I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.
You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.
I should hope so, because your tits sure are ugly.
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place.
I should hope so, because your tits sure are ugly.
"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"
"www.peakoil.com is the Myspace of the Apocalypse."
- Tyler_JC
- Expert
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- Location: Boston, MA
Re: Punchlines
by perdition79 » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 05:43:19
No, she just lays there, like her mother.
Tostito's chips.
Neighbor.
One is a hunt on a course.
A wet nose.
As soon as Mommy leaves for work.
Tostito's chips.
Neighbor.
One is a hunt on a course.
A wet nose.
As soon as Mommy leaves for work.
http://www.thepeoplescube.com/
"We are building a religion; we are building it bigger. We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes."
Cake - Comfort Eagle
"We are building a religion; we are building it bigger. We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes."
Cake - Comfort Eagle
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perdition79 - Tar Sands
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Re: Punchlines
by underdressed » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 10:15:56
You're two tents.
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.
That's what I was waiting for: a hot meal!
Oh, shit!!
Un pendejo.
We should have told him about the rocks.
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.
That's what I was waiting for: a hot meal!
Oh, shit!!
Un pendejo.
We should have told him about the rocks.
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underdressed - Wood
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Re: Punchlines
by emersonbiggins » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 11:18:30
If your boyfriend's stuck that far up there, I can't help him now.
So they can pick up aluminum cans on the way home, and crush them.
What do you mean "wrong hole!"?
One has its pricks on the outside.
Because she's a woman.
Her parents placed the plunger in the toilet.
Not being retarded.
He hasn't seen it, either.
So they can pick up aluminum cans on the way home, and crush them.
What do you mean "wrong hole!"?
One has its pricks on the outside.
Because she's a woman.
Her parents placed the plunger in the toilet.
Not being retarded.
He hasn't seen it, either.
"It's called the American Dream because you'd have to be asleep to believe it."
George Carlin
George Carlin
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emersonbiggins - Expert
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Re: Punchlines
by Aaron » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:43:25
So the sheep will push back.
The problem is, of course, that not only is economics bankrupt, but it has always been nothing more than politics in disguise... economics is a form of brain damage.
Hazel Henderson
Hazel Henderson
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Aaron - Resting in Peace
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Re: Punchlines
by PenultimateManStanding » Thu 27 Mar 2008, 15:56:24
Duane the bathtub I'm dwowning.
I didn't know you could yodel.
I didn't know you could yodel.
Turn those Machines back On! - Don Ameche in Trading Places
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PenultimateManStanding - Expert
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Re: Punchlines
by Pops » Fri 28 Mar 2008, 17:44:02
Don't listen to that ewe; she lies!
The good news is you also have Alzheimer's so you can go home and forget about it.
{edited for brevity}
The good news is you also have Alzheimer's so you can go home and forget about it.
{edited for brevity}
The legitimate object of government, is to do for a community of people, whatever they need to have done, but can not do, at all, or can not, so well do, for themselves -- in their separate, and individual capacities.
-- Abraham Lincoln, Fragment on Government (July 1, 1854)
-- Abraham Lincoln, Fragment on Government (July 1, 1854)
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Pops - Elite
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Re: Punchlines
by Pops » Fri 28 Mar 2008, 17:53:20
One more:
You'd have a long face too if you had your teats pulled twice a day but were only bred once a year.
You'd have a long face too if you had your teats pulled twice a day but were only bred once a year.
The legitimate object of government, is to do for a community of people, whatever they need to have done, but can not do, at all, or can not, so well do, for themselves -- in their separate, and individual capacities.
-- Abraham Lincoln, Fragment on Government (July 1, 1854)
-- Abraham Lincoln, Fragment on Government (July 1, 1854)
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Pops - Elite
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Re: Punchlines
by jboogy » Fri 28 Mar 2008, 20:34:23
to get to the other side
anywhere he wants
my ass and your face
that thing is so swollen and purple it scares me!
I told him the square root will not equal the sum of it's base integers
your ass and my face
he left some kind of mark in the butter.....or sumthin'
it's not chicken if it's not yellow
anywhere he wants
my ass and your face
that thing is so swollen and purple it scares me!
I told him the square root will not equal the sum of it's base integers
your ass and my face
he left some kind of mark in the butter.....or sumthin'
it's not chicken if it's not yellow
Perhaps the population would be less swayed to socialism if we had fewer examples of socialism from our "Free Market Capitalists". -----fiddler dave
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jboogy - Heavy Crude
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Re: Punchlines
by Keith_McClary » Sat 29 Mar 2008, 02:55:33
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('SchroedingersCat', '2')2! 22! 22!
Heh, heh. One of the all time greats!-
Keith_McClary - Light Sweet Crude
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