[PenultimateManStanding]

My Uncle told me about him. He was in awe of my dad's brilliance. Basically I remember that he killed a rattlesnake when we were out riding horses. Dad told me about electronic engineering. He said that most engineers do it by the book. He did it by intuition. I once asked him how much of the math he learned did he use. He said all of it. I was out to dinner once with him and a man came up to him to pay respects. My dad seemed pained by it. Some years later, he called me in a dark hour. Both for him and for me. He killed himself shortly after. I can only hope to see him again.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Eastbay, I can understand your pain at the loss of your brothers. That's not something easy to get over.

[WildRose]

Very sorry for your loss, PMS. I've read your affectionate words about your mom in other threads, but I don't remember reading about your dad. Did you live with your dad as you were growing up? From what you just wrote, I assume you were well into adulthood when your dad died.

[JJ]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('PenultimateManStanding', 'M')y Uncle told me about him. He was in awe of my dad's brilliance. Basically I remember that he killed a rattlesnake when we were out riding horses. Dad told me about electronic engineering. He said that most engineers do it by the book. He did it by intuition. I once asked him how much of the math he learned did he use. He said all of it. I was out to dinner once with him and a man came up to him to pay respects. My dad seemed pained by it. Some years later, he called me in a dark hour. Both for him and for me. He killed himself shortly after. I can only hope to see him again.

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('JJ', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('PenultimateManStanding', 'M')y Uncle told me about him. He was in awe of my dad's brilliance. Basically I remember that he killed a rattlesnake when we were out riding horses. Dad told me about electronic engineering. He said that most engineers do it by the book. He did it by intuition. I once asked him how much of the math he learned did he use. He said all of it. I was out to dinner once with him and a man came up to him to pay respects. My dad seemed pained by it. Some years later, he called me in a dark hour. Both for him and for me. He killed himself shortly after. I can only hope to see him again.

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('WildRose', 'V')ery sorry for your loss, PMS.

[DomusAlbion]

"The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children." - Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice,"

From the Bible originally and it does apply in a very real and painful way. Your father suffered for whatever reason we may not know, but his pain and the pain created by his actions have passed to you and through you to your own children.

I am sorry for your pain. I know your pain.

I'm the son of a son that came home from school one day to see his mother dead; murdered, lying on the kitchen floor. Next to her, her husband, his stepfather, dead of a gunshot to the head. The pain of that moment and all the consequences of that act never left that man and that pain was transmitted to me and unfortunately onto my own children.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Yes, it was dark. My dad asked me for help. I turned him down and he killed himself. But my kids are all healthy. I know that dad would be proud of me.

[BigTex]

The fathers of two of the guys I knew in high school committed suicide later on. I lost touch with one of the guys, but got the feeling that it really messed him up for a long time.

The other one I also lost touch with until I got a call to watch the local news one night and saw a SWAT team leading him in cuffs out of a local TV station where he had gone to demand coverage of some sort of injustice he felt he was experiencing. He had shaved his head and loaded his vehicle with weapons before heading out to the TV station. One of the saddest things I've ever seen. A really smart and nice fellow when I knew him.

It's a really difficult thing to deal with, I imagine.

[JJ]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('PenultimateManStanding', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('WildRose', 'V')ery sorry for your loss, PMS.

[WildRose]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('PenultimateManStanding', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('WildRose', 'V')ery sorry for your loss, PMS.

[sittinguy]

Sorry for your loss,, When I was 8 my Mom and her boyfriend got in a fight and he shot her and then himself in the house one night, I found them both later. Its a very tough thing to deal with. I'm 35 now with 2 perfect kids. My Mom would be proud. Its sad sometimes to think how she never got to see her grandkids. Those thoughts for me have never gone away, even after all these years. It comes like a swarm of bees into my thoughts,

Your Dad lives on in you and his grandkids, and know he is watching over them.

[Iaato]

Such loss, PMS, JJ, SittingGuy. I'm sorry. Depression is a very difficult problem. It's not something you can fix for people, especially if you're a son or daughter. Even though you think you can change people. All you can do is love them.

But it's very hard to watch, and easy to blame yourself for missed opportunities to fix things, even though there were in actuality no opportunities.

[eastbay]

There's an old story about a mustard seed many of you may have heard. The essence of the story is that there is no home untouched by death. With the possible exception of a few younger members here, all of us have experienced tragic and untimely death. There is no escaping it. All of us deal with it, most accepting it as part of the greater natural process and move on realizing they must not contribute to the sadness.

Talking about it with a trusted 'someone' is part of the healing process.

[BigTex]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('eastbay', 'T')here's an old story about a mustard seed many of you may have heard. The essence of the story is that there is no home untouched by death. With the possible exception of a few younger members here, all of us have experienced tragic and untimely death. There is no escaping it. All of us deal with it, most accepting it as part of the greater natural process and move on realizing they must not contribute to the sadness.

Talking about it with a trusted 'someone' is part of the healing process.

[PenultimateManStanding]

I watched it for many years Tex. It was pretty much more than I could handle. My mother couldn't handle it either.

[JJ]

I spent quite a few years working as a nurses aide for hospice (till it just got too much). I would sit with the patient as they died...sometimes the family would come in days before the death and strip the room of all possesions, leaving only me to sit there with their "loved" one while they died. (only a few years before I had been eating out of dumsters on the street). I never got over the *incrongruity* of this....This soured me to the human race to no end...I still haven't gotten over it...

[Ferretlover]

What a horrible, depressing and sad thread!
I am sooooooooooooooo sorry about all of your losses and they way they happened...
I am sorry I wasn't there to lessen the shocks you have suffered...

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ferretlover', 'W')hat a horrible, depressing and sad thread!