It's very difficult for me to describe my conflicting emotions right now.
I am currently making more money than I ever thought I would be at this stage of my life. I am doing very well professionally and have a growing green business. I'm making valuable contacts in the green-tech community in NYC. I see rapid signs of change and progress carried out by many motivated individuals and organizations. In my mind's eye, this collective vision of the future is beginning to emerge. This future world where consumption is much reduced, products are reused and then recycled. Energy and food production is localized. I believe we can ACTUALLY do this, if we just have enough time.
The seeds of this change is already in the ground. I have spoken with entrepreneurs and organizers in a range of industries from alternative power production, green containers/bags, localized manufacturing from recycled materials, CSA networks. Like all of these efforts are currently blooming in the NYC metro area, but they are all still small scale.
BUT, at the same time, I see signs of major, near-term problems coming to the forefront. I'm speaking of increasing financial instability, sky-rocketing food and energy prices, and rapidly increasing numbers of poor people. Any major event (a terrorist attack, stock market crash, major war), may cause the world economic system to go into paralysis at this point. And all of this progress may be be sacrificed to preserve the existing order of things. I'm talking about things like social repression, and/or nationalization of key economic sectors by the government,
This is the fulcrum of my anxiety. If I commit to my current course of action, and a smooth decline ensues. I would probably end up financially very well-off, with a tight commercial network, and supported by a strong, localized community along with an adequate labor pool to power my activities. But if a major disruptive event happens (hyper-inflation, nationalization of major industries, resource war with a rival world power), all bets are off. I could lose everything, assets, contact networks, everything! The city and the elite would certainly do fine, but I get the feeling that I and many more people like me would simply be downgraded to serfs. Worst of all, I don't even have a family of my own for emotional support during the coming hard times. And I don't see myself getting married anytime soon due to the total lack of women who appreciates what is about to happen.
So, yeah...I'm kinda worried.


