[hubbertspeak7777777]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mmasters', 'M')ake sure to take good care of yourself!

Lots of vitamin C, whole grains, healthy oils/fats and vegetables. Avoid processed food, junk food, sugar and alcohol!

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

My 0.02$: take your parents to see the home. Don't talk about it, just let them see it. The reality of it might not be that big a deal as your dad thought.

He understands reality and finances etc. Let him see the place, meet the people and know that while you love him dearly he does need more care now. No decisions, no fuss, just a quick look so they can see and know for themselves what all the options are.

It might take the scairy out of the change.

[jupiters_release]

I had my mother move in with me not so much due to her health problems, but once systemic failures begin or if TSHTF suddenly, there's no guarantee you'd be able to see your family again if you're not located close geographically as in walking distance, not to mention offering a better chance of survival when her alternative is continue living by herself in a city.

Losing privacy at my age is difficult, as if it weren't hard enough trying to meet a woman that can mentally deal with peak oil. Ultimately I think we should be grateful we even have families we can take care of.

[Heineken]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('TheTurtle', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'T')rust me, I AM in that situation. More then I care to think about.

[mmasters]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('hubbertspeak7777777', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mmasters', 'M')ake sure to take good care of yourself!

Lots of vitamin C, whole grains, healthy oils/fats and vegetables. Avoid processed food, junk food, sugar and alcohol!

[Heineken]

I've found booze to be a useful tool when I'm sick or stressed, mmasters. Everyone responds differently to it, so I certainly accept your own point of view on that.

The evidence that alcohol is cardioprotective is very strong. Pathologists doing autopsies of alcoholics are often struck by how clean their arteries are.

The dose makes the poison. It's all about balance and control.

[WildRose]

I'm glad to hear that you're working through your options and able to feel some peace, Heineken. That must have been a heart-wrenching evening with your mom.

I may have mentioned on these forums that my Dad has not been well for many years; he has COPD (chronic lung disease), has been on home oxygen for about 5 years now and is very frail, very thin. His mood and outlook have deteriorated greatly over the years. He went through a really rough time a couple of years ago with pneumonia, spent a couple of months in acute care in the hospital and actually ended up on the palliative care ward. Then, he gradually got a bit better and doctors suggested it would be for the best if he lived in a chronic care ward in a hospital-type setting. He stayed there for a few months, but we saw that his mental function was far above his physical function and it wasn't right for him to be there, so we brought him back to his home. For the first while, he was depressed that he was back home and didn't think he'd be able to handle it. Over time, though, he became stronger and was able to return to some of the light activities he enjoyed at home. Last summer, we set up a table and bench at the right level for him (sitting) in the back yard so he could plant his flower pots, something he loves to do. He can go for drives and out for lunch when he's feeling good.

It has been very much a roller coaster ride for my mom and I, though, and for my youngest brother, who still lives with my mom and dad. My mom is a rock. She's still healthy, thankfully, but my brother and I take turns watching dad so we can take her out, do their yard work in the summer and snow shoveling in the winter. The year that my dad was so sick was difficult for me; I basically gave up my free time to take my mom to the hospital, visit my dad with her, make sure their shopping and errands got done, etc., and I tried hard not to neglect my marriage and my kids' needs.

Now, tonight, as I type this, my dad is in the hospital, struggling with pain from an inguinal hernia which acts up now and again and is made worse by his other conditions; and, because of his poor lung and heart function, surgery is pretty much out of the question. I'm just waiting to hear what can be done for him. I don't really know what the point of my ramble is here, except that maybe sometimes we just roll with it all and try to do the best we can. I keep an eye on my mom, though, because sometimes her stress levels go through the roof, even for someone as patient as she is!

Again, I wish you and your loved ones all the best.

[Heineken]

Sometimes, WildRose, I wish that people died more the way they used to. Fully functional one day, dead of a heart attack or infection a week later. Even starvation would be better than the long state of deteriorating invalidism, dependency, and pain we've fashioned for ourselves thanks to medical science, better diets, etc.

I have already decided that 77 will be as old as I get. For me, that's the magic number. Assuming I'm still able to clean my behind up to that point. That gives me 25 more years from here. That's enough for me.

I do feel that I've made the right decision---to keep them here for some indefinite additional period, move in with them, not sell the property at this time, and not buy another property for myself at this time. The previous (wrong) decision was to put them in assisted living, sell this place, and buy another, more or less simultaneously. It seemed logical and neat, a sort of "one fell swoop" approach. But it was emotionally and logistically overwhelming, and not a good approach financially either.

Here's some of the advice my older (and much smarter) brother gave me; it's so helpful as a guiding principle:

Well, I really feel for you, going back and forth on what to do. I think it is just natural that this should be extraordinarily difficult, given all the feelings involved. That's why I tend to think that acting reactively -- when you are forced to act -- might be the best thing, because then there is no other choice. Making choices "logically" in this loaded emotional atmosphere is what might get you into trouble.

[TheTurtle]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'T')urtle, I'd like to thank you for your support and advice, and generally for just being you.

[Heineken]

I'm with you on this. It's just that I have doubts about my ability to provide them the same level of care and quality of life as a good assisted-living facility could. Time will tell. As my brother said, this is a situation in which reaction, not logical proaction, may be the best course.

[SpringCreekFarm]

Just curious....

Where is your brother and why are you handling this alone?

[Heineken]

SCF, my brother lives in New England and has a wife and two teenaged boys. He was a successful businessman and entrepreneur until things turned sour for him (something to do with the 9/11 events) and he declared bankruptcy. Now he's a teacher of Latin and Greek (he has a Harvard Ph.D. in classical philology---quite the brain).

For infinitely complex reasons, he became estranged from the family 12 years ago. He and I started communicating again in March 2007. Now we're friends, perhaps for the first time in our lives.

We've talked about his returning to the "family compound," but first his two boys have to become independent---that will take at least two more years.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'S')CF, my brother lives in New England and has a wife and two teenaged boys. He was a successful businessman and entrepreneur until things turned sour for him (something to do with the 9/11 events) and he declared bankruptcy. Now he's a teacher of Latin and Greek (he has a Harvard Ph.D. in classical philology---quite the brain).

For infinitely complex reasons, he became estranged from the family 12 years ago. He and I started communicating again in March 2007. Now we're friends, perhaps for the first time in our lives.

We've talked about his returning to the "family compound," but first his two boys have to become independent---that will take at least two more years.

[Heineken]

Thank you, Bear. Yes, our reconnection is one of the very positive things that's happened in my life over the past year.

We ought to do a thread on estrangements. I bet that'd be interesting.