[TheTurtle]

Heineken, I feel your pain, my friend.

My mother-in-law suffers from severe Alzheimer's. She lived with us for a while. We fed and bathed her. We changed her Depends and bathed her again. It was a lot of work. What kept my wife and I sane was that we took her to adult day-care every day. She had activities to keep her occupied and we had time to things that we needed to do for us and our children. I'm not sure if adult day care is available and easily accessible for you, but for us, it was a lifesaver and gave us the breathing room we needed.

When my mother-in-law stopped walking and confined to a wheelchair, we could no longer take care of her. We found her a nursing home, where she has lived the past two years. Of course, my mom-in-law no longer has a clue who I am and usually thinks my wife is my wife's aunt (i.e., mom-in-law's sister). She also often thinks she is staying in a hotel as she did when she was a globe trotting younger woman. This total lack of mental acuity might make our situation different than your own, but the nursing home was the best decision we could have made and we don't regret it for a moment.

Good luck to you, Heineken. My thoughts are with you.

[Ferretlover]

Hope that is a big truck-many of us will be with you in spirit!
Drive carefully!

[Heineken]

Thank you so much, every one!

(With apologies to Tiny Tim.)

I am doing the Syracuse trip on Monday. They want $7000 as a one-time, ripoff "community fee," then it's about $4800 a month for both parents in their largest apartment (about 500 square feet). Includes the full palette of basic services, including 3 "restaurant style" meals a day in a pleasant dining room, laundry, cleaning, activities, help with walking and showering and dressing, etc. etc. Intensive nursing care gets added on to the cost in "steps." My Dad's VA benefit will cover over half of the monthly rate. Their total income exceeds the monthly rate by a comfortable amount.

If I bought the upstate NY property (within walking distance of Adirondack State Park), I'd be just two hours away from them and could visit fairly regularly until gas goes through the roof.

OTOH, buying that property will require liquidating the Virginia property fairly quickly in a bad market. We'll not realize the full potential gain there.

But I really want that upstate NY property. I think. I'll view it on Tuesday. It costs only $120,000. 58 acres with a 16-acre trout pond, which could be a major source of protein for me and my companion.

My brother thinks I'm trying to do too many things too quickly. But he is very much removed from the realities of the situation. I haven't even seen him in 12 years (we were estranged but no longer are).

[Olaf]

Take a care with that property, I've not looked into the one your talking about, even though I'm in the area and could probably find it (seems a little stalker like).

I'm in the market for land here myself, just not that far north. I'd not say much for the house on that property if that much land is going for $120,000, especially with a pond that size, so buyer beware.

Things to keep in mind:

Make sure the house is structurally sound if you plan to live in/rennovate. Have in your mind what costs you'll be in for fixing it up. Electrical, plumbing, septic, insulation, well, roof, etc. Things you're probably familiar with so I'm just rambling.

Flooding potential on land.

Soil suitability for growing stuff and the potential for it to provide you with valuable resources. Good water. Timber. Game.

No matter what you do, try to have open conversations with your parents, even if the talks are difficult, no matter what you ultimately decide. It could help ease potential feelings of betrayal or hostility from your folks.

Good luck once again.

Olafr

[threadbear]

Heineken, If you can manage it, find the closest old style coffee, breakfast (greasy spoon) place near your land, and just sit there and soak up conversation. Try to get a fix on the area through local gossip, and better yet, if you can manage to strike up a conversation with someone who might know about the specific property you're thinking of buying, you'll be way ahead. Good luck!

[Ludi]

Anyone who is able to talk to their folks about long-term care and end of life, are fortunate. I tried to talk to my folks about it a few years ago; scheduled a special lunch and tried to ask, but the answer I got was "We plan to live to 140 and everything will just get better and better."

Yep, that's what they said.

[Specop_007]

I havent read all 4 pages, but I'll throw in my 2 cents.

The right thing to do is quite often the most difficult thing to do.

It would sure be easy to stick them in a home and auction it off and go live your life, wouldnt it?

[TheTurtle]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'I') havent read all 4 pages, but I'll throw in my 2 cents.

The right thing to do is quite often the most difficult thing to do.

It would sure be easy to stick them in a home and auction it off and go live your life, wouldnt it?

[Heineken]

Either course of action is extremely difficult.

My mother actually wants to be in assisted living. My dad wants to be wherever she is.

I know in my heart that I am doing what is best for them.

[lateStarter]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'E')ither course of action is extremely difficult.

My mother actually wants to be in assisted living. My dad wants to be wherever she is.

I know in my heart that I am doing what is best for them.

[Heineken]

Thanks, lateStarter. That gives me such a lift. You're not only kind, but also wise.

[Heineken]

Today my mother and I collapsed into tears at the prospect of our family breaking up forever.

I can't go through with putting them in a "home."

We're going to keep on fighting here for as long as is humanly possible.

I have a bad cold, the first in many years. An object lesson in the damaging powers of stress.

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('TheTurtle', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'I') havent read all 4 pages, but I'll throw in my 2 cents.

The right thing to do is quite often the most difficult thing to do.

It would sure be easy to stick them in a home and auction it off and go live your life, wouldnt it?

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'T')oday my mother and I collapsed into tears at the prospect of our family breaking up forever.

I can't go through with putting them in a "home."

We're going to keep on fighting here for as long as is humanly possible.

I have a bad cold, the first in many years. An object lesson in the damaging powers of stress.

[Heineken]

You assume right, Specop. The battle goes on . . .

I feel relief right now, the same sort of relief you feel when you chug a strong drink or two or three.

In the morning you regret it. But for now, relief.

I respect you, my fellow sufferer.

[TheTurtle]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'T')rust me, I AM in that situation. More then I care to think about.

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('TheTurtle', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'T')rust me, I AM in that situation. More then I care to think about.

[Specop_007]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', 'Y')ou assume right, Specop. The battle goes on . . .

I feel relief right now, the same sort of relief you feel when you chug a strong drink or two or three.

In the morning you regret it. But for now, relief.

I respect you, my fellow sufferer.

[Zardoz]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', '.')..We're going to keep on fighting here for as long as is humanly possible...

[mmasters]

Make sure to take good care of yourself!

Lots of vitamin C, whole grains, healthy oils/fats and vegetables. Avoid processed food, junk food, sugar and alcohol!