[Madpaddy]

Shannymara,

Love and best wishes from across the sea. It's nice to see that you know you can turn to our online community for solace.

There is an old irish saying.

"Conversation is the cure of every sorrow. Even contention is better than loneliness."

I hope everything works out for you. If good will has anything to do with it then judging by all the support here, you are sorted.

[MattSavinar]

Don't know what to tell you, but here's a pic of a sheep family. Should be good for a small burst of some natural serotonin:

[MattSavinar]

Also, if you're under a lot of stress you're body may be depleted of various nutrientss. Omega-3s, b-vitamins, etc.

So you have external events that make you feel depressed. This, of course, is normal. But then any deficiencies that arise from the stress of dealing with the events make the grief, lethargy, etc only worse.

I consider lack of exercise, particularly walking, to be a deficiency as well. If you've got highly stressful events to deal with it's easy to let walking outdoors and other such activities fall by the wayside.

Addressing any deficiencies may enable you to bring the grief down from, for instance, a "10" on a scale of 1-to-10 to a 6.5 in which case it will at least be more manageable.

Of course, if you go to a western doc he'll probably just want to turn you into a walking experiment for Big Pharma. In that case, you're better off sticking with the old standbys of hard drinking and promiscuous sex.

[MattSavinar]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Aaron', '
')
Another thing I discovered, is that if I pretend I'm something long enough... I eventually forget I'm pretending .

[JPL]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Shannymara', 'I')n the past 14 months I have lost my father, my sister, my love, my baby, and all hope for my marriage. The planet is sick, maybe dying. My youth is fading. I have been unable to avoid industrializing my beautiful son, being myself wholly industrialized from birth, and living in a wholly industrialized nation. I am feeling intense grief over all these losses. I live in a place where it's very difficult to find people I can connect with, and circumstances, particularly my expectations about future events outside my control, preclude moving. My mother is here, but due to past family events I am unable to lean on her for certain kinds of support. I am caring for a young child, goats, a guard dog, chickens, plants and trees, and several housepets, and all of them take more than they give emotionally (especially the child). Yet all of them are necessary. It's hard to have much hope for the future in light of the geopolitical and economic circumstances. I'm lonely, and the weight of this grief is almost unbearable at times. Please help me find the strength to carry on.

PS - Anti-self-pity parables about men with no feet, and tough love tactics, are not necessary. I'm quite capable of that approach on my own, thanks.

[JPL]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('MattSavinar', 's')heep shagging works for me...

[MattSavinar]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('JPL', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('MattSavinar', 's')heep shagging works for me...

[Madpaddy]

I don't know about sex but hard drinking has seen me through thick and thin.

Shannymara, I'm sending you all the good karma I can.

BTW; I really should be in bed. I'm crewing in a sailing boat race tomorrow. I'm the guy on the headsail. Strong arms required.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRcGHK_kvJw

[Iaato]

Sorry to hear about your sadness. It sounds like quite the stack of troubles. I was there in a bad place with grief about 4 years ago, with a series of cumulative losses, but I was not lonely. I cannot imagine the two combined.

I dealt with my grief by going down and through it, while making sure that I got lots of hikes in the woods, and other stress reduction. Having someone to talk to is essential, I think. PO.com is a good place for sharing the feelings surrounding the impending descent, but having someone you can talk face to face with locally would really help. At one point, even the friends weren't working for me, and I yielded on my tough girl self-image and saw a counselor briefly to budge some near-immovable problems.

Madpaddy, good luck on the foredeck tomorrow. Don't slip.

[Iaato]

Double post -- how'd that happen? And yes, it's 7pm in Anchorage on a Saturday night, but no, I haven't been drinking.

[Madpaddy]

Thanks Iaato.

[Tyler_JC]

Shannymara,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here.

We're all thinking about you and sending our love.

Remember, it's always darkest just before dawn.

[cynthia]

I thank you for the energy you muster every day for our on-line family. Shannymara, honey, your are a beacon of information, hope, strength and love.
Sit with your sadness and grief- It is all you can do until it passes.
Blessed be.

cynthia

[mmasters]

If you need someone to talk to I'm around.

[aldente]

Live seems to be a tunnel.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Hi, Shanny. Hang in there. Your son is past the terrible twos. 3, 4, &5 years old are delightful years. Enjoy them. At some point he's going to ask "why?" and you'll give an answer and he'll say again "why?" My advise is to keep giving answers no matter how arbitrary until he gives up. That's a game I played with mine. It was rather fun actually. You win as a parent by keeping a sense of humor and patience.

I remain your virtual online pal, Scott. (I know 'virtual' is no substitute for reading expressions in your friends' eyes, but it does allow for many friends from far away).

[aldente]

A time machine?
Sometimes I wish to be back in 1978 for no specific reason.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Hi, albente. I enjoyed our meeting. You are the only peak oiler I've met. 1978. Let me guess, was that the year when you were having dangerous fun in Switzerland?

[Pretorian]

Shanny give your grief its time but dont let it take it all. You loved ones wouldnt like to see you grieving 24/7, they would like to see you happy. Play with your son, touch trees, walk barefoot.My condolences.

[MD]

Shortly (within the hour) after my first post to this thread I went for a hike in a local river gorge. As I walked, grief settled on me, for a few brief moments. It wasn't my grief, it was Shanny's. I was happy to receive it as a burden shared is a burden lifted.

To the rationalists on the board that are ready to pounce on "metaphysical malarkey" of spiritual connectedness, I've a true story to share:

It was almost five o'clock on my wife's birthday, a fact that had just been brought to my deficited-attention a few minutes before.

There was only one shopping mall on my way home, and I had about ten minutes to get the gift purchased or risk being late for a dinner reservation.

As I pulled in the main entrance, I suddenly knew exactly where I must go, both the store and the specific location in the store. Initially I tried to resist because "I don't shop at that store", but I quickly gave in when the feeling intensified into a compulsion.

For the next ten minutes I walked a predestined path. I knew every step and knew exactly what I would find: The Dream Pendant. And it was there; in the exact spot and in the exact form.

You see, six months before I had experienced the most remarkable dream. It was a short dream, maybe more like a "dream vision". In this dream I saw a pendant, in remarkable detail. The vision progressed from the right edge of the pendant all the way to the left, burning a vivid image of every detail into my mind that remains fresh today, three years later.

I awoke from that dream and described it to my wife telling her "I know this pendant is real, it's out there." For the next couple months we joked about it and even surfed some jewelry stores a couple times without ever finding anything remotely close. Eventually I gave up looking and pretty much forgot about the whole thing.

Then her birthday came, the last minute panic gift search came upon me, the dream came back to mind, and I knew where the pendant was. I knew.

I've shared this little precognitive experience many times with varied reaction. Some happily receive, some nod and smile, some dismiss. I've even had a couple strict rationalists insist the entire experience is a delusional construct.

As for me, I take the experience as intimately affirming. Up until then, my rational self couldn't help but challenge all "spiritual experiences" as coincidental or psychological.

My own rational challenges ended with that experience. Life has purpose, life has meaning, life is permanent, life is love, love is life. I no longer have doubts.

Take it as you will!