by FreakOil » Mon 03 Sep 2007, 18:01:39
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'W')hat are other single folks doing?"
Drinking brandy and looking forward to that date I have this weekend with this beautiful, intelligent girl who thinks I'm a handsome, intelligent boy ...
... then remembering that she works at the shipping giant Maersk as part of the accounting "team" in charge of transactions with Wal-Mart.
My career is about as sustainable as a quarter ounce of weed at a never-ending Grateful Dead concert. Furthermore, although my career doesn't force me to directly harm the earth and the future of the human race, it does force me to directly help those who directly harm the earth and the future of the human race or help those who help those who directly harm the earth and the future of the human race. I'm guilty of third-degree murder at best.
But I'm going to keep doing what I am doing, although I may make slight changes like my job or the place where I live. I'm going to keep going on dates like the one I have this weekend, where I'll probably do what I always do:
1) Try not to bash her over the head with the nearest blunt object whenever she mentions shopping;
2) Say, "Yeah, I love that song too!" whenever she mentions the latest drivel from some pop band that I would much rather torture than listen to;
3) Allow her to order more and more dishes of which we will probably consume no more than a quarter, then not bother to ask for a doggy bag because I wouldn't want her to think I'm poor;
4) Pray silently to myself that she comes home with me after all the mental torture I've put myself through, or at least comes home with me after enduring aforementioned torture once or twice more;
Why?
Because every single woman that I've ever met who leads a "sustainable lifestyle," I also found physically revolting, and usually mentally revolting, too. It's not that I haven't been exposed to the sustainable lifestyle. I come from a family full of hippies.
Even if I did move to the countryside to live sustainably - and stopped keeping my mouth shut about the utter vacuousness of the modern consumer lifestyle - I would still have to lie and hold back the urge to heave in order to get laid.
But instead of keeping my mouth shut about my feelings toward shopping and some silly pop band, I would have to lie about "giving peace a chance" or about how Phish or some other stupid bunch of hippies are musical geniuses. And I'd be doing it all just so I could get laid with someone I find physically revolting.
I could go the hardcore conservative route and get a farm job in God's country, but I'm afraid I wouldn't fare much better. Anywhere I go, I'm going to be an outcast for one reason or another, perhaps because I'm a "snob" who's in raptures over Rakhmaninov and Dowland.
The statistical odds of finding a woman who is tolerable and attractive are extremely low. I'd say they're about as low as buying a winning lottery ticket. Actually, they're probably as low as the odds of stumbling upon a winning lottery ticket lying on the ground next to Jimmy Hoffa's corpse petrified in molasses.
That's my official position until someone sends me verifiable evidence that there are reasonable looking women in the countryside with decent aesthetics. In the meantime, I'm going to keep on holding back my gag reflex, getting laid, then kicking her out in the morning so that I can put some decent music on the stereo, until the power runs out.