[mercurygirl]

My sympathies to all who are dealing or will deal with these issues.

Pablo's mom sounds like my mother-in-law, "shudder". Things are stable enough with her right now, but whenever something goes wrong, she's on the phone to my husband immediately. I hope when things go south with her, they go fast.

I'm planning on a little corner of the garden in future planted with poison hemlock.

If that failed, one could always put on a damp cotton shirt, chug a bottle of whiskey or something and go out to the woods when it's cold. I hear hypothermia isn't so bad, although it may take awhile.

[Falconoffury]

I have some interesting stories about an elderly woman with whom I lived. When I was 8 years old my mother remarried (father died when I was 5). My stepfather had a house on the intercoastal here in Pompano Beach, south Florida. He lived with and took care of his 88 year old mother. This lady had incredible strength and endurance for her age, but her mind was gone.

I would say, about once a month, she would set out on a "journey". She would wrap up some of her clothes in a bed sheet, throw it over her shoulder, and start walking. The only saving grace was that she always took the same route. She would get out of the neighborhood streets, onto the main road, and head south. My stepfather has found her over 2 miles from the house and still walking on several occasions.

I remember once seeing her leave the house. All she was wearing was a depends diaper, flip flops, a bra, a shirt, and a small quilt that she always had wrapped around her shoulders. I asked her to come back in, but she ignored me. I tried forcing her back in, but she was too strong. I had to go get my stepfather to handle it.

I remember another time she came home with a bag full of grapefruit in her hands. Apparantly, she started her journey again, but she only went a few houses down and then sat on the doorstep. The people living there felt sorry for her and gave her the grapefruit, and then escorted her back home.

I'll tell one more story. One time, she went on her journey again, and my stepfather got in his car and went to get her. He came back without her and said that she wasn't on her usual route. He called the local police station and asked if they found a woman matching her description. They did, and he could hear laughing in the background. She was giving the whole police station a bit of a comedy routine (not intentionally). He went to the station to pick her up, and he gave them a picture of her, so they would recognize her the next time she went on a journey. Before they went home, she whispered in his ear, "Ted, I think these are the police." His name is Ted.

[lotrfan55345]

the bus stop today

[threadbear]

Lotrefan, Ummm....this thread isn't about the weather, though I can see from the title, why you might think so. You likely didn't read it before you posted pic..

Either that, or you've just wandered away from home and need some assistance getting back, metaphorically speaking.

Thanks for photo, anyway. My in-laws are in Minnesota, so interesting to see what they're dealing with!

[frankthetank]

Yeah... I doubt the wheelchair bound elderly zombies will be able to get past them 20inches.

[lotrfan55345]

lol I know this isn't about weather, I just felt like posting this pic.

[lateStarter]

Actually, it is not a bad pic, but probably better suited for a Kunstler related thread on the pitifulness of suburban Merica.

Note the same shit-box architecture of the dwellings that can be found all over middle class suburbia. Especially nice are the power lines running down the backyards. A bus stop? Right... The bus probably never needs to stop, because nobody would even think about using it. I remember seeing lots of empty buses (sp?) in Frederick MD (last place I lived in the states) driving around like mindless robots (not convenient, social stigma, etc).

[lotrfan55345]

The only people that use that bus stop are kids who arent old enough to drive or dont have a car who want to get to downtown Minneapolis.

[lateStarter]

Weekly update: Starting today, we have live-in help. We have a woman from the Ukraine that will be here for at least 1 month. My wife's mood is already slightly improved. I'm pretty sure that given the chance she could sleep for at least 2-3 days. Unfortunately, all the stress has caused her to become physically and mentally unhinged. I had to call the paramedics on Monday because she was displaying all the symptoms of having a stroke herself.

Today, she went and visited her family doctor and immediately got sent to get some additional diagnostic work done. More on Monday.

Yesterday, I had to physically remove her from the kitchen after an arguement errupted with her brother. She was beatting him with a broom when I got there. At this point, my first priority is to get my wife stabilized. Hopefully, the live-in assistance will help. At the same time, we are getting the MIL setup for some 'rehabilitation'. The big plus for us is that she will be out of the house for at least a month. That will give us some breathing room to find some permanent 'assisted-living' quarters for her.

All your plans can unravel in an instant...

[WildRose]

Hi, latestarter. It's good to hear from you again.

Shannymara's suggestion (above) is a good one. I'm glad you'll have a bit of respite to look for assisted-living for your MIL. The last little while has been a big strain on your wife and on you as well, I'm sure. Take all the help you can get.

All the best finding a great place for your MIL.

[lateStarter]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Shannymara', 'I')s there any way you and your wife can get away for a couple of days and go on a retreat of some kind? Any relative who can stay with the new nurse to help watch your place? It sounds like it would be worth the risk if your wife's health is in danger.

[blukatzen]

Czesc Latestarter,

Thanks for the update! I have a few comments. This is, of course, not the time to deal with legal implications from all this, but I would assume soon, someone will have to deal with *who* the responsible person is when dealing with authorities, and by that I mean, the doctor in control of your MIL's case, and who may have power of attorney over your MIL's financial situation, and consulting with lawyers, etc.
I know that when my one aunt died, as I had related in my story a few pages back in this thread, I had to become legal guardian over my elder aunt's affairs, and had to go before a court, etc. I had guardianship over her financial assets as well as guardianship over her Person (as a legal entity). That means that *if* I didn't want something done to my aunt, I had every legal right to say "no". (of course, having to prove to the court that my ideas were correct for the welfare of my ward.)

I saw that you had related that your wife got into a fight with her brother. Family can get rough with each other emotionally and in turn, physically, with each other. These are trying times, and sometimes stupid shit that they endured 30, 40, or more years ago will come out, old sores that never healed.

I had some cousins who hadn't visited my Aunts in over 25 years, and smelled the proverbial gravy train ("we know she has the buildings, plus some in the bank"..is what they told me) family can be rather trying.
Mine were, in fact, they tried to have me declared unfit/an elder abuser! They had me investigated by the local dept. of human affairs, and of course, I was found to be MORE than fit to fulfill my role as care provider, and they were found out as...well...ne'r do well complainers. In fact, by the time the social workers were done with THEM, they were sorry they ever complained about me.

This is an extremely trying time, but right now, lawyers are your best bet, as if something happens to MIL, everything is documented, and done fairly, correctly, and with dignity towards your MIL AND your wife!
The Ukrainian caregiver, your doctor, any good nursing staff/social workers and good lawyers will work as a team when you have the unpredictable relatives, it makes them the *support team* that will take care of the idle threats that CAN turn nasty.

However, I agree, that you 2 need a few days off, after caregiver is settled in, and take a breather. I never was able to get a breather, and it felt like I was running the Iditerod race for 2 years straight.
Family have to realize that it is important that the elder gets care, but I did have one of the social workers tell my relatives to lay off of *ME,* because it didn't help my aunt if *I*was stressed out by them.

I hope things settle down for everyone in a bit. But it is better to be forewarned sometimes. Relatives can get evil when it comes to money, inheritence, and perceptions of *who* is in charge of *what*. A heads up.

Sorry I couldn't meet the two of you for a drink! Na Zdrovie anyways Latestarter. Please Tell your wife I send her my care! Be Strong!

[lateStarter]

blukatzen,

Thanks for the continued support and advice. Fortunately, my wife already took control of all property and legal matters a few years ago, primarily because of incompetence and indifference on the part of all other parties involved. The 'other' parties like to complain and make like difficult, but are incapable of any sustained action. The only legal matter my wife is concerned about at the moment is possible legal action that her brother's ex-wife could make against our current property. We are trying to sell ASAP, give him his share and have him sign-off that he got his legal share so that any future claims will only be made against his share.

Life can be so complicated at times. I would just like a few years of peace and quiet on the 'działka' before everything heads south...

[lateStarter]

Latest update: nothing conclusive on the tests so far. My wife has an MRI scheduled on the 20th. They are trying to eliminate the worst case scenarios. My wife is extremely happy with the woman we have from the Ukraine. She is organized, clean, sympathetic, and hardworking.

As a side note: I didn't understand how this arrangement could be profitable for the woman from the Ukraine, but she explained that wages in the Ukraine are 50% of what they are in Poland, but food costs twice as much. So her strategy (like lots of others) is to work here as long as possible, buy as much food, and then head back home. Poland has unfortunately limited her time here to only 2 months. My wife is applying for an extension for her. BTW, we are only paying her about $330/month. I'm sure my wife will be providing a bit extra...