[MD]

God grant me the wisdom to see the end of my path early enough that I may walk off into the woods for one final glorious vision.

Then may the worms and flies feed well on my rotting corpse.

[frankthetank]

I agree with MD on this one. Eat a bunch of seeds and hope one sprouts in my guts

Having worked in a nursing home setting for the last few years, i get to see if from the inside. A lot of these people are nothing more then breathing zombies. I consider a nursing home a farm. A farm that is milking these zombies of their retirements and SS/along with the government (you and I) of Medicare.

I don't blame them for being old, i just think the system is fucked up to try to keep these people alive. You should see the "meds" that get passed. Why? ($$$) Its stupid, stupid, stupid.

[holmes]

I understand fully. My Grandma is 88 has alzheimers. My mom takes care of her parttime while she takes care of everything else and works 80 hours a week. The weird part is she will die before my GM if it keeps up. She is shitting in her pants now. The whole scene. The wacko part is that physically she has potential to live for another 20 years! She preserved herself through the years by not having to do anything. GP made the bread. And the weirdos have made it so you can not just put them down humanley. The good part is that it has nothing to do with medical industry. My grandma takes nothing and never has. Not one pill! Zero. nada. But she needs to go bye bye now. My mom has aged so much. Years taken away. Yes oil has helped allow her to last this long. Time for a walk into the woods with the 30.06.

[WildRose]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('holmes', 'M')y mom takes care of her parttime while she takes care of everything else and works 80 hours a week. The weird part is she will die before my GM if it keeps up.

[holmes]

Yes she and her brother are finally looking into care for her. She cannot keep it up. My GM got a stomach flu just recently too. So my mom could not afford to take care of her. But my moms brother did and now the whole house over there has this puking and diarea epidemic. I love my GM but this is reaching absurd levels. My mother already gave me the go ahead to take her out when the infirm time comes. where I will be living at that time and where she will retire to is a good place to let her die with dignity. Its legally allowed. Also very rural and true intelligent conservative there.
Yes she is going for help now. Thank you for your words wildrose. Its all about greed for sure. The orwellian part is that these health care gestapos and "moral" stalins are cruel and care little for future generations. The end result of their experiments will be mass loads of old people suffering and dying when the oil and resources run out. There is not going to be much of anything left for me and generations that come after the X gen. I already am setting up my system and land for when I die. Its going to be called the last climb. Ill die on the brutal pull up. This whole scene now is beyond belief. its surreal how feed lot cattle like we are. dependent and waif like.

[jboogy]

threadbare said " gibbering wraith", That is about an apt a description of it as there is. I feel for you fella. Decent care for her in this country would cost an arm and a leg. If you put her in a government facility it won't cost nothing but her care would suck.Try to take some more of the burden off your wife's shoulder's if you can take it when she can't. No sense losing two people.I read something the other day about a little boy dying in the U.S. because a tooth infection spread to the brain . His mom was putting her efforts into paying for a brother that had six rotted teeth but she had no insurance . On the bright side Raytheon ( defense contractor) made record profits in 2006.

[Ludi]

I'm so sorry latestarter. I hope you can find some help to share the burden of care.


This is something I truly dread in regards to my father, who is physically very healthy for 75 but who is not exercising his mind and is showing signs of losing memory, etc. His mother lived to 102, crippled and blind, but, had the funds to stay the entire last decade of her life in a very nice nursing home. I doubt such things will exist, nor will we be able to pay for them when my dad is 90 - 100.


Of course I may croak off before he does - right now I'm trying to recover from pneumonia.

[lateStarter]

Update. My wife went out for a few hours today to check out some of the 'assisted living' facilities nearby and while she was not unhappy with the facilties and staff, she was a bit disappointed that all the living quarters were upstairs! Hello! Disabled people don't do well with stairs.... Tomorrow we are going to check out a 1 floor facility. She is also looking into live-in help just so she can get some sleep.

I'm only going to keep this going because I suspect that many of you, if you haven't already experienced this issue, will be if you are living in a first or second world country.

[Pablo2079]

Thanks for sharing....

I'm wondering what will happen with my mother.

1) She's divorced.
2) She has NO savings. (She has hardly ever paid into Social Security (U.S.) ... so there really isn't anything for her to retire on.)
3) She's in her 60's.
4) My wife states that she will not let my Mom stay with us at any point. If she does, my wife is gone.
5) She's 4 house payments behind.
6) She's an unsuccessful realtor.
7) She has diabetes.
8. She was treated for cancer last year.
9) She hordes things (her house is a complete mess).
10) She owes us over $10k and recently asked me to take out a home equity loan to pay her bills. Finally had to say no. It's amazing how much harder someone works when their back is against the wall.

Not sure what the future holds..... she is really starting to show signs of instability now.

[lateStarter]

Pablo,

Not sure where to begin... Seems like more proof that you can always find someone in a worse situation than you are in at the moment. Listen to your wife! No brothers or sisters? If not, tough call.

My mother is much better off financially and health wise, but when worse comes to worse, I know my sisters will be there. I am not coming back to the US. (ok - one exception. My son has type 1 diabetes. He is 26. If he needs me, and I can still get there, I will be there. Not sure what it will accomplish though!).

I see a lot of 'difficult' decisions approaching all of us. Keep us posted on your progress.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Pablo2079', 'T')hanks for sharing....

I'm wondering what will happen with my mother.

1) She's divorced.
2) She has NO savings. (She has hardly ever paid into Social Security (U.S.) ... so there really isn't anything for her to retire on.)
3) She's in her 60's.
4) My wife states that she will not let my Mom stay with us at any point. If she does, my wife is gone.
5) She's 4 house payments behind.
6) She's an unsuccessful realtor.
7) She has diabetes.
8. She was treated for cancer last year.
9) She hordes things (her house is a complete mess).
10) She owes us over $10k and recently asked me to take out a home equity loan to pay her bills. Finally had to say no. It's amazing how much harder someone works when their back is against the wall.

Not sure what the future holds..... she is really starting to show signs of instability now.

[Pablo2079]

L.S. - I've got one brother. He actually lives closer than I do to her, but he's less sympathetic. He has very little patience, which probably has saved him some grief. He has lent her some money, but cut that off quite some time ago. Unfortunately, I am the one she turns to when the gas is going to be turned off in less than 24 hours or when she has no food in the house. Ugggg.... not fun to think about, but it's happening more and more frequently.

T.B. - Interesting question. What makes you ask that? I don't know how to "rate" her, but she wasn't too good at holding a job. If it wasn't for the monthly support from my Dad, we would have been in a world of hurt. I had three paper routes (at the same time) during my early to mid teens to help pay bills. There were many days that she would never get out of bed. She would cry a lot and occasionally snap and start breaking stuff. I used to go fishing a lot. We used to eat "Budget Gourmet" frozen dinners. She had heat in her room, but my brother and I did not.

[lateStarter]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('threadbear', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Pablo2079', 'T')hanks for sharing....

I'm wondering what will happen with my mother.

1) She's divorced.
2) She has NO savings. (She has hardly ever paid into Social Security (U.S.) ... so there really isn't anything for her to retire on.)
3) She's in her 60's.
4) My wife states that she will not let my Mom stay with us at any point. If she does, my wife is gone.
5) She's 4 house payments behind.
6) She's an unsuccessful realtor.
7) She has diabetes.
8. She was treated for cancer last year.
9) She hordes things (her house is a complete mess).
10) She owes us over $10k and recently asked me to take out a home equity loan to pay her bills. Finally had to say no. It's amazing how much harder someone works when their back is against the wall.

Not sure what the future holds..... she is really starting to show signs of instability now.

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Pablo2079', 'L').S. - I've got one brother. He actually lives closer than I do to her, but he's less sympathetic. He has very little patience, which probably has saved him some grief. He has lent her some money, but cut that off quite some time ago. Unfortunately, I am the one she turns to when the gas is going to be turned off in less than 24 hours or when she has no food in the house. Ugggg.... not fun to think about, but it's happening more and more frequently.

T.B. - Interesting question. What makes you ask that? I don't know how to "rate" her, but she wasn't too good at holding a job. If it wasn't for the monthly support from my Dad, we would have been in a world of hurt. I had three paper routes (at the same time) during my early to mid teens to help pay bills. There were many days that she would never get out of bed. She would cry a lot and occasionally snap and start breaking stuff. I used to go fishing a lot. We used to eat "Budget Gourmet" frozen dinners. She had heat in her room, but my brother and I did not.

[Pablo2079]

Oh yeah, I think she'd be there.... if she could be. She just has a lot of "issues". I'm not sure I'd go so far as trying to diagnose mental illnesses, but my wife is convinced that there is something wrong there and cannot stand to be around her.

Hopefully, things will work out. Not sure how much time she has left to be in her house and where she'll end up when she goes through foreclosure. I just can't see her catching up on her payments and also keeping up with all of the other bills.

[blukatzen]

[quote="lateStarter"]Update. My wife went out for a few hours today to check out some of the 'assisted living' facilities nearby and while she was not unhappy with the facilties and staff, she was a bit disappointed that all the living quarters were upstairs! Hello! Disabled people don't do well with stairs.... Tomorrow we are going to check out a 1 floor facility. [quote]


The reason that they put the Alzheimer ward on the 2nd or 3rd floor of some of the Assisted Living facilities is so they don't just walk out onto the street and get killed. It's difficult, with little staff, to watch over all the folks ambling around (the ones still able to walk). Sometimes they get out, by pushing elevator keys, but usually ride up and down.
The staff on the other floors usually takes them back up to the Alzheimer ward.
I wouldn't put her in a facility at all that has only ONE floor. Unless it is in the outlaying regions where they can't escape, wander off and freeze.
I've had this happen in my family, with an uncle who wandered off, and a grandfather too. And they were also in the "beginning stages" at the time this happened to them.
Uncle also liked to play with knobs on the stove, and caused a minor house fire in the kitchen, whilst my cousin was out for an hour at the grocery store. My Aunt, (father's sister) couldn't afford to put him in Assisted living, as she'd lose the house. (uncle was self-employed as a (once VERY fine) finish carpenter, and thus, had no pension coming in. She was a waitress at a banquet hall, and had to keep working way past the time she should have retired (from at least that kind of work.) Their divorced daughter came and lived with them, that helped a great deal.
But as I said, Alzheimers patients do have a habit of wandering off, the police found my grandfather (he died when I was 7) 20 miles away..he just kept walking. Not bad when you live in a suburban area, but what about when you live in the city, in our case Chicago..

I am glad to hear your wife is going to get live in help, it helped us a GREAT deal. As an aside, I had to laugh because I've often wondered "Since all the Polish Babcias come over here to help with paid,assisted in-home functions *here*, WHO helps them over there?" The Ukrainians! I bet you can get them cheaper if you had a Romanian! (just don't get a Gypsy..you'll have nothing left!)
Thanks for the update! And as always, take it easy...

[I_Like_Plants]

Geeze ..... my friend's Dad (who'd been a stretcher carrier in WWII) wandered off one day, ended up at the local supermarket and started ordering clerks around, thinking he was a manager at Mervyn's again. While my friend wondered where his dad had gotten off to, ol' Dad got a ride home in a police car. My friend fenced his yard, and tried to keep his dad out of a home as long as possible, his Dad got a few blissful (?) months spending lots of time in the fenced yard, digging a garden, hangin' out, basically he was like a big pet - you know how a cat will hang around you when you're talking in a group or playing chess or something and seem to be paying attention. That's what my friend's dad became like, like a big 180-lb cat that would just sort of hang out, seeming to pay attention to conversations etc but perhaps with no more understanding than a cat. He eventually did go to a home.

There are tons of people like Pablo's mom in the US. In the US everything's a commodity including family and friendship so it's all for one and every man for himself. Our atomized society is one thing that argues for a fast-crash doomer scenario.

[Zardoz]

One of my best friend's mother did a remarkable thing very recently.

She was 93, and pretty much confined to a wheelchair. She could only take a very few halting steps at a time. Mentally, she was completely coherent and as with-it as ever, but there's no doubt she was clinically depressed about her condition after leading a very active and productive life: Three kids, teacher, counselor, principal, volunteer, inveterate world traveler, etc., etc.

Thoroughly bored with life, and very sad about her deteriorating state, but basically free of serious health issues and facing the possibility of going on and on for many more years, and ending up a bedridden invalid, she chose to bring things to a close.

She did it by starving herself to death. She just quit eating. There was brief talk of force-feeding or IV tubing her, but she let everybody know she would fight that with everything she had, so it wasn't done.

It took not quite three months. She probably weighed around 75 pounds at the end.

I admire her courage. Most of us couldn't do that, no matter how bad off we were.

[blukatzen]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Pablo2079', 'O')h yeah, I think she'd be there.... if she could be. She just has a lot of "issues". I'm not sure I'd go so far as trying to diagnose mental illnesses, but my wife is convinced that there is something wrong there and cannot stand to be around her.

Hopefully, things will work out. Not sure how much time she has left to be in her house and where she'll end up when she goes through foreclosure. I just can't see her catching up on her payments and also keeping up with all of the other bills.

[lateStarter]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('blukatzen', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('lateStarter', 'U')pdate. My wife went out for a few hours today to check out some of the 'assisted living' facilities nearby and while she was not unhappy with the facilties and staff, she was a bit disappointed that all the living quarters were upstairs! Hello! Disabled people don't do well with stairs.... Tomorrow we are going to check out a 1 floor facility. $this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '
')

The reason that they put the Alzheimer ward on the 2nd or 3rd floor of some of the Assisted Living facilities is so they don't just walk out onto the street and get killed. It's difficult, with little staff, to watch over all the folks ambling around (the ones still able to walk). Sometimes they get out, by pushing elevator keys, but usually ride up and down.
The staff on the other floors usually takes them back up to the Alzheimer ward.
I wouldn't put her in a facility at all that has only ONE floor. Unless it is in the outlaying regions where they can't escape, wander off and freeze.
I've had this happen in my family, with an uncle who wandered off, and a grandfather too. And they were also in the "beginning stages" at the time this happened to them.
Uncle also liked to play with knobs on the stove, and caused a minor house fire in the kitchen, whilst my cousin was out for an hour at the grocery store. My Aunt, (father's sister) couldn't afford to put him in Assisted living, as she'd lose the house. (uncle was self-employed as a (once VERY fine) finish carpenter, and thus, had no pension coming in. She was a waitress at a banquet hall, and had to keep working way past the time she should have retired (from at least that kind of work.) Their divorced daughter came and lived with them, that helped a great deal.
But as I said, Alzheimers patients do have a habit of wandering off, the police found my grandfather (he died when I was 7) 20 miles away..he just kept walking. Not bad when you live in a suburban area, but what about when you live in the city, in our case Chicago..

I am glad to hear your wife is going to get live in help, it helped us a GREAT deal. As an aside, I had to laugh because I've often wondered "Since all the Polish Babcias come over here to help with paid,assisted in-home functions *here*, WHO helps them over there?" The Ukrainians! I bet you can get them cheaper if you had a Romanian! (just don't get a Gypsy..you'll have nothing left!)
Thanks for the update! And as always, take it easy...