PeakOil is You
Humor: "Sick" Jokes
Re: Sick Jokes
by PrairieMule » Tue 17 Jan 2006, 13:58:51
Well, this isn't a joke so much as a amusing story that ended up with my father giving me one of the worst beating with a belt in my life 25 years ago. In 5th grade I had a wicked and disturbing sense of humor and so did my 2 best friends. One day we got a hand out from the YMCA to take home to our parents. To make my friends laugh ,I replaced most of the verbs just one verb starting with the letter F. Dad found my new "amended" carnal version of Mothers Day Out, Boy Scout trip dates and Soccer Clinic Camps.
If you give a man a fish you will have kept him from hunger for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Re: Sick Jokes
by PenultimateManStanding » Tue 17 Jan 2006, 20:33:24
Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in a different box.
Q: What do Fat people do in the summertime ?
A: Stink.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ?
A: Yoko Ono.
A: Because Ken comes in a different box.
Q: What do Fat people do in the summertime ?
A: Stink.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q: What's ugly and sleeps alone ?
A: Yoko Ono.
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Re: Sick Jokes
by PrairieMule » Tue 17 Jan 2006, 20:39:57
I love Yoko Ono Jokes!
Q:What does Yoko Ono have in common with a aborigine bushman?
A:They both live off dead Beatles..
Q:What does Yoko Ono have in common with a aborigine bushman?
A:They both live off dead Beatles..
If you give a man a fish you will have kept him from hunger for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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PrairieMule - Expert
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Re: Sick Jokes
by PenultimateManStanding » Wed 19 Jul 2006, 23:36:03
I'm going back for something else, but since the issue of peakoil humor came up and I saw this along the way, I thought I'd give the more seditious, evil humor an airing again! 
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Re: Sick Jokes
by bobaloo » Fri 21 Jul 2006, 00:44:36
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street.
The priest sees a little boy playing nearby and turns to the
rabbi and says, "Let's screw him." The rabbi looks puzzled and
says "out of what?"
Little Bobby comes home from school and says "Daddy, daddy, the teacher says I'm stupid, I can't read or write." Daddy says "don't worry son, you're not stupid, it just because you're from Arkansas. Next day Bobby comes home and says "Daddy, daddy, teacher says I'm stupid, I can't do numbers or add or multiply." Dad says "don't worry, son, like I said, you're not stupid, it's just 'cause you're from Arkansas." The third day of school Bobby comes home and says "Daddy, daddy, we had gym today and in the showers I found out I got the biggest penis in the whole third grade! Is that 'cause I'm from Arkansas?" Dad says "no son, it's 'cause you're 18!"
The priest sees a little boy playing nearby and turns to the
rabbi and says, "Let's screw him." The rabbi looks puzzled and
says "out of what?"
Little Bobby comes home from school and says "Daddy, daddy, the teacher says I'm stupid, I can't read or write." Daddy says "don't worry son, you're not stupid, it just because you're from Arkansas. Next day Bobby comes home and says "Daddy, daddy, teacher says I'm stupid, I can't do numbers or add or multiply." Dad says "don't worry, son, like I said, you're not stupid, it's just 'cause you're from Arkansas." The third day of school Bobby comes home and says "Daddy, daddy, we had gym today and in the showers I found out I got the biggest penis in the whole third grade! Is that 'cause I'm from Arkansas?" Dad says "no son, it's 'cause you're 18!"
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Re: Sick Jokes
by smallpoxgirl » Fri 21 Jul 2006, 02:18:23
You might be a redneck if:
-While Santa is visiting your house, you slip up on the roof to fill your deer tag.
-Less than half the cars you own run.
-You've ever mowed your yard and found a refrigerator.
-You've ever given ammunition or cigarettes as a Christmas present.
-Your richest relative buys a house and you have to help take the wheels off.
Oldy but goody. How do they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders on the beach.
Why do Scotts wear kilts?
A sheep can hear a zipper at 300 yards.
-While Santa is visiting your house, you slip up on the roof to fill your deer tag.
-Less than half the cars you own run.
-You've ever mowed your yard and found a refrigerator.
-You've ever given ammunition or cigarettes as a Christmas present.
-Your richest relative buys a house and you have to help take the wheels off.
Oldy but goody. How do they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders on the beach.
Why do Scotts wear kilts?
A sheep can hear a zipper at 300 yards.
"We were standing on the edges
Of a thousand burning bridges
Sifting through the ashes every day
What we thought would never end
Now is nothing more than a memory
The way things were before
I lost my way" - OCMS
Of a thousand burning bridges
Sifting through the ashes every day
What we thought would never end
Now is nothing more than a memory
The way things were before
I lost my way" - OCMS
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Re: Sick Jokes
by PenultimateManStanding » Fri 21 Jul 2006, 02:24:23
I knew that those latest peakoil joke threads were lame. Not even funny. For this forum, sick jokes are the only appropriate ones.
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PenultimateManStanding - Expert
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Re: Sick Jokes
by Madpaddy » Fri 21 Jul 2006, 03:53:25
Perhaps you've heard about the Irish abortion clinic?
It has a 12 month waiting list.
It has a 12 month waiting list.
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Re: Sick Jokes
by Madpaddy » Fri 21 Jul 2006, 04:03:24
Q: What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
A: You know she'll swallow!
Q: Did you hear the latest about the fighting on the West Bank?
A: Italy surrendered.
Q: What did Joan Collins say to King Kong?
A: Is it in yet?
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Beer doesn't drool.
Beer stains wash out easier than drool.
Beer will wait patiently in the car while you play (football, etc.)
Beer is never late.
You don't have to limit yourself to bisyllabic words in discourse with beer.
Beer doesn't cry if you forget it.
Beer doesn't vote.
Beer never answers your phone.
Beer doesn't work your crossword puzzles in ink.
Beer doesn't demand to watch cartoons.
Beer won't ask loud, embarressing questions in public.
If the head's too big on your beer you can blow it off.
If the head's too small on your beer you can get another.
Beer doesn't have to be sterilized
A: You know she'll swallow!
Q: Did you hear the latest about the fighting on the West Bank?
A: Italy surrendered.
Q: What did Joan Collins say to King Kong?
A: Is it in yet?
Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
Beer doesn't drool.
Beer stains wash out easier than drool.
Beer will wait patiently in the car while you play (football, etc.)
Beer is never late.
You don't have to limit yourself to bisyllabic words in discourse with beer.
Beer doesn't cry if you forget it.
Beer doesn't vote.
Beer never answers your phone.
Beer doesn't work your crossword puzzles in ink.
Beer doesn't demand to watch cartoons.
Beer won't ask loud, embarressing questions in public.
If the head's too big on your beer you can blow it off.
If the head's too small on your beer you can get another.
Beer doesn't have to be sterilized
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Madpaddy - Expert
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Re: Sick Jokes
by fireplaceguy » Sat 22 Jul 2006, 00:32:53
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('smallpoxgirl', '
')
Oldy but goody. How do they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders on the beach.
And another in this vein: How do you make a Klinghoffer martini? Two shots and a splash!')
Oldy but goody. How do they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders on the beach.
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