[SpectorGrowl]

Bear with me, because this is going to be a rather lengthly disquisition...

My exploration of Peak Oil has become a personal gallows of sorts, with my inability to now focus on the day-to-day aspects of human existence as the noose slowly tightening around my neck. As desperately as I need to push it away, the cruel reality of dwindling hydrocarbon supplies intrudes, sucking up so much energy and leaving me depressed and anxious in the most clinical sense. It gets to the point where functioning normally is an arduous task.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the verge of completely shutting down. I vascillate between unbridled optimism, the true resolve to survive in the face of such overwhelming adversity -- and the worst pessimism imaginable, that of feeling completely impotent and defeated. Am I alone?

For those who still manage to get one foot in front of the other each and every moment of every day, who find some reason to be roused from bed in the morning -- how do you do it? I've been battling the occasionally severe bout of unipolar depression for a little over a decade -- Peak Oil's just triggered the latest bout. After finally kicking the psychotropics, I'm wondering if maybe some short-term drug therapy is the only way to exit this pattern of thinking.

I feel openly angry, perhaps even hostile, at the great flock of Ostriches running around this country, heads buried in the sand, assuming that Peak Oil will magically be solved. I find that metaphor oddly humorous, for it's a bit ironic that it will be the sand, or what's below it, that we'll choke on right before we become, well, sand. Maybe it's petroleum karma at work.

Come November, I pass yet another allegedly significant milestone in my life. I turn 30. And finally, after strugging for three fucking decades to finally carve out some kind of comfortable niche, I get to look forward to economic contraction and the end of modernity. A bunch of baby boomers slapping me on the back, congratulating me for all my hard work and sacrifice, smug reflections of how great their time was, and an indifferent shrug when I point out that a hunter-gatherer's fate is what's been left to me.

Maybe I'm being a bit hyperbolical and unfair. But it still annoys the hell out of me.

I've been dating the most amazing woman I've ever met for over a year. I'm completely in love with her and this is first woman with whom marriage doesn't seem like a vet visit to be neutered and coerced into indoor catdom. Having had at least a good ten years to screw up my fair share of relationships, I've dispelled the notion that love is enough, that love conquers all. Does Peak Oil potentially change the fundamental nature of the strong romantic, passionate, and intimate connection between two people? Does love weather the end of civilization or is it as fragile as the oil supply? When you think of the life you WANT to make with your one true love and the options being whisked quickly off the table by Peak Oil, it's heartbreaking.

I think the automobile is probably the most overrated machine ever built. Transportation always makes the most sense as something truly owned by the public. I like trains, I like cabs, I like bikes, I enjoy walking in environments planned well for pedestrians (the antithesis to new construction's hostility to bipedal propulsion). The lack of well-planned mass transit is just another tax passed onto the backs of the lower and middle class. Mandatory car insurance, car payments, vehicle maintenance, fuel. It's a sizable chunk of disposable income. Given adequate alternatives, I could do without a car quite gladly.

I fear that I'll never get to see any of the rest of the world. Peak Oil destroys air travel for anyone except the obscenely rich. Up until about 2 years ago, I'd wasted a lot of time living like a gypsy -- holing up in places temporary working contract jobs. NJ, CT, Houston. Hell, I even worked at UPS for a bit. And Home Depot. My credit's awful, but slowly improving. I'm finally getting to a point where taking some time to see foreign countries is a distinct possibility, but the dollar is in the toilet at the moment. Weak dollar benefits the US. Only as a debtor to other nations. It does ME no good, really. So I'm trapped here, watching His Royal Smirking Chimpness start WW III because he has a hard-on for roasting pigs and he's too chicken shit to actually do anything. The fundies must be thrilled. Rapture's coming early...

I play with a band. It's one of the few things in life I really enjoy at the moment. Unfortunately, I play bass and it's a lot of gear to haul, especially when we play NYC or Boston or some other New England destination. The idea of having to give that up really bums me out -- fuel costs and shortages.

I don't own a ridiculously large gypsum and cardboard palace as a monument to my own ego. My car's a '93 Volvo 240 wagon. I don't own a 42" plasma TV. I love to read. Give me a well-stocked library, some candles, and plumbing (hot water would be nice, too) and I'm a happy dude. It's thoroughly disheartening that I'd have to give up even simple pleasures. How can anyone justify having a child under such dark skies?

From my Comp Sci. classes, the word "intractable" comes to mind. This whole Peak Oil seems exactly that -- an intractable problem which casts an inescapable shadow over everyone and everything. The sunset over civilization. A blip of the timeline of universe.

I don't know if I'm doomer, a pro-malthusian optimist, or a member of whichever one of hundreds Peak Oil subgroups there are. Squatting on a patch of dirt with my pockets full of shells and grenades is absurd. Hiding out in Montana with a case of bottled water, a bag of rice, and fistfull of cabbage seeds is equally dumb.

The whole situation just inspires misery. It makes my head hurt. And I really just want to go to sleep. Paraphrasing Hobbes from the infamous Calvin and Hobbes: "Whenever the world gets too complicated, I just take a nap and wait for dinner."

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. Coping strategies, criticisms, flames, or anything else is greatly welcomed.

-jonze

[rogerhb]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('SpectorGrowl', 'S')quatting on a patch of dirt with my pockets full of shells and grenades is absurd.

[abundantsun]

I'm touched by your post and even with the absurdity of the times I'd like to encourage you to think about writing. I share many of your feelings and go through many of the same gyrations. Hang in there and don't forget to keep a sense of humor.

[Comp_Lex]

SpectorGrowl,

I can't help you very much, but I want to say that depression and defeat never solved anything.

Try to relax...

[Jack]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'F')or those who still manage to get one foot in front of the other each and every moment of every day, who find some reason to be roused from bed in the morning -- how do you do it?

[benzoil]

SpectorGrowl-
Welcome to the club. FWIW, it seems like everyone gets monumentally depressed after learning about Peak Oil. After awhile though, the unmitigated panic feeling goes away. It took me about 9 months...

One of the things that helped me was having a plan. It didn't have to be a good plan, but it gave me options. It also helped me feel more in control of my destiny. PO kind of sucks that right out of you at first. Don't panic. Plan. Remember, without a plan it's needless worry. With a plan, its analysis. .

Your wonderful girlfriend is still a wonderful girlfriend. Your life is still your life, for better or worse. There are many, many scenarios for peak oil. Not all of them end up in Mad Max zombies killing you for your last potato. Would you be so despondent if you knew peak wouldn't arrive until 2010? 2015? 2020? What if the effects of POW are delayed because of a preceding economic depression? Would a general economic malaise be as psychologically troubling? What if it was a long slow (managable?) slide instead of a sudden dropoff? It's not as exciting to think about, but Rome didn't fall in a day either.

Try to talk to your girlfriend about it. If she already knows about your past then she'll immediately understand what PO is doing to your psyche even if she doesn't fully get PO. In any case, relax and understand that it may be difficult, but it ain't impossible. Your ability to play music may be in even more demand post-peak for one thing.

Take it a day or month at a time and see how it goes.

[parsifal]

It may be a cliche to say you are not alone. We live in no ordinary time. Travel, sure. Get married...but you have a love to help you through the times as that is what they are for. Dostoevsky wrote that "People can get used to anything." I lived in Russia and saw how people adapted to adversity. Vigorous cardiovascualr exercise coupled with swimming will get you in your animal, help you to sleep better, alleviate the mind. This is the destiny of mankind. Peace, this is only temporary.

[BrownDog]

I don't know if this helps any, but being aware of Peak Oil means being more aware overall. It means finding out that not everything one thought was true actually is true. In that sense, it points out a long series of delusions, some of which are very strongly held. So it's no surprise that it might be depressing (or angering, or otherwise upsetting) to realize that things we took for granted are not actually true, or that they won't last forever.

At least, that's the way this is playing out for me, personally.

I don't think that the end of cheap oil has to mean the end of joy. It might, however, help us find a deeper kind of fulfillment than our consumer society would provide.

BTW, I'm thinking of trading my fretless for an acoustic bass guitar...

[o2ny]

Poster- you're making a lot of assumptions about the future and this is what's causing the depression. You are not living in the present, but instead you're off in some future fantasy world of your own creation. In reality, we don't know what will happen when talking about a peak oil collapse- when events will start occurring, how long it will take, the extremity of it, the harshness, the timeframe... or even if a 'catastrophic collapse' will happen at all. If you believe it will, make preparations for that future reality, but live in the current one. Try to live moment by moment. For some, peak oil is not a reason to be depressed, but instead to be excited about the possibilities of building a new world based on sustainabilty and a richer and more fulfilling connection to the planet.

[Vexed]

Pstarr wrote:
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'G')loat in knowing what the assholes don't. You are in a club now: of the awake. You took the right pill and see behind the mirrors and through the smoke. It hurts to be glaringly aware of the stupidity, greed, selfishness, short-sightedness, and smug arrogant infantile need need need need all around. Their bad attitude got us into the mess we are all in. Fuck them. Don't try to fix them. It is too late now.

[Vexed]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('pstarr', 'Y')ou are members of a frat. You are Computer-Geek Post-Modern Consumer Society pledges. Gates and Soros are your fratenity mentors. They are hazing you. You have not even achieved Level 1. You are White-Belt Buyers. We are Baby Cultests. You will know you have achieved Level 2 when you get the loft in Tribeca. You achieve Level 3 when you can afford an island of Sardenia.

[Vexed]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('pstarr', 'e')arth friendly cults do not fry the entire planet?

[overrocked]

Balance.....
Count 100 breaths (on exhale) 15 minutes each day.
Play!!!!!!
Get a pet! Experiment with growing food for it and for you.
Experiment with a new recipe from your stockpile.
Practice throwing knives
Take up a new survivalist hobby! Backpacking, GPS, gardening.

If you get into action, you feel less impotent.
funnel your energy into something that gives you a cookie

and last but not least,,,,,
Enjoy life, take big bites- don't fear death, embrace it as a part of living. When you lose your fear of death, the weight of worry drops off your shoulders.....

Good night, and good Luck

[Vexed]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'D')on't blame me. I don't breed

[Vexed]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('pstarr', 'B')lame is great when it's deserved. It is very wholesome to know where the source of trouble is and was. You can move on with your life that way.