[PenultimateManStanding]

We were talking about this at work today: the infamous Piero Manzoni's Artist's Shit from 1961.



Here is a fictional dialogue between two Art Connoisseurs (con1 and con2). The scene: a richly appointed private collection, they sip brandy, smoke expensive cigars and discuss and savor a fine collection of expensive Art.

con1: This is the Renoir. That is Suzanne Valadon portrayed.

con2: Fine looking woman. That Spaniard, Utrillo, gave his name to her bastard boy, Maurice. I can see why.

con1: A fine painter in her own right, but outshadowed by her drunken, imbecil son.

con2: (laughs) Crazy world!

con1: Yes, hard to figure. Now take this for example: Manzoni's shit, sitting here in a tin that hasn't been opened since it was tinned in 1961. A courageous, honest soul!

con2: wow, that's some shit! (laughs)

con1: (laughs) Look at this: Andy Warhol's silkscreen of Campbell's Soup. This is shit too, but it lacks courage. He wasn't honest enough to come out and say to the world, 'here is my shit'. Warhol aint shit!

con2: (laughs heartily) that's a good one!

con1: (pleased with his own wit) Yeah, Warhol aint shit! Manzoni told it like it is.

con2: So, what would happen if you opened it?

con1: Open the can of Artist's Shit?

con2: Yeah, you ever thought of opening it up?

con1: Why the hell would I want to do that?

con2: Curiosity? Haven't you wondered what happens to shit after it's been sealed in a can for 44 years?

con1: Hmm. . . you're right. Does it still stink? How could it dry out if it isn't exposed to air?

con2: Of course you would never be able to sell it if it's been opened.

con1: Well wait a minute. Has anyone ever opened any of the other's? He did quite a bit of crapping for this project. I'll bet a lot of people are wondering the same thing!

con2: You could videotape it. The whole world could see whatever happened to Manzoni's Shit!

con1: You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize what a genius Piero Manzoni really was.

con2: Yeah, better leave it alone. It would be such a loss to humanity if you opened it. So what's this?

con1: Basquiat, pretty odd, huh?

con2: Oh I don't know, I like the angst.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Here's the face of the wry, sardonic, smart-ass Italian Artist of the mid-twentieth century. He was found dead in his studio two years after he canned the shit.

[PenultimateManStanding]

We have a bar next door to the restaraunt where I work. There is a very pretty, hot young woman who is always coming over to flirt with us guys at the restaraunt. She's always drunk. I saw a young guy haul her out to his car today over his shoulder like a bale of hay. She was laughing like that's exactly what she wants. The guys in the restaraunt say she's trouble. 'Bad Vibes'. To me, she's just pretty. Nice curves. But enough of the Deep Thoughts.

[Specop_007]

PMS, man, you need to cut this Deep Thoughts by Jack handy shit.

I wanna hear the stories about how you took all these hot chics into the backroom and...well....yeah.....

Remember, nice guys finish last. Take that hot Brazilian girl that works with you out on a date and knock the bottom out of it.

[The_Virginian]

Well canned poop still has fertilzer value...beets canned air.

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Specop_007', 'P')MS, man, you need to cut this Deep Thoughts by Jack handy shit.

[The_Virginian]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'R')emember, nice guys finish last

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('The_Virginian', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'R')emember, nice guys finish last

[PenultimateManStanding]

There, properly excised to emphasize the original script about Manzoni's great work of art. I rather like it, it flows nicely as a dialogue.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Let's listen in on the conversation of our connoissures, shall we?

con1: The American musician Paul Simon was the original owner of this Basquiat. He paid $40,000 for it. It changed hands a couple of times and I got it for 120.

con2: What's it worth now?

con1: I don't know for sure, maybe 150.

con2: It's pretty creepy. All that money for weird graffitti. Do you like it?

con1: No, I don't. You know, it seems strangely profound until you've lived with it for awhile, then it just seems strange.

con2: I'll give you 130 for it. As I said, I like the angst.

con1: Let me think about it.

con2: The Tate paid $61,000 for Manzoni's shit.

con1: Yeah, a few years ago. I could get close to 100 now.

con2: You ought to cash this stuff in and get some Baroque or Renaissance.

con1: Why, the prices are climbing?

con2: Not for long.

con1: What makes you say that?

con2: Ever heard of ASPO?

con1: ASPO?

con2: Association for the Study of Peak Oil.

con1: Peak Oil? What's that, some kind of new orgasmic lotion?

con2: (laughs) no, let me tell you about it. Then maybe you'll get it.

(long conversation about Peak Oil)

con1: Why the hell should I let you have the Basquiat for 130. Like I said, I can get 150 for it.

[PenultimateManStanding]

BTW, the $61,000 figure for Manzoni's shit was an acquisition in 2002 by London's Tate Museum. Not fiction. I shit you not. Of course it is refered to as Merde d'Artist even though the cans are labeled in several languages, and as you can see from the photo, one side says, 'Artist's Shit'. If the good people at the Tate want to call it 'Merde d'Artist' it's because they are squeamish or perhaps embarrassed that they paid $61,000 for it.

[PenultimateManStanding]

You know, the more I think about it, the more Manzoni makes sense. What is the true meaning of modern humanity? It is to use up the world and make it into shit. Perhaps in the dire Post Peak world, when everything is falling apart, people will regard Warhol as junk, but they will revere Manzoni's shit as the shit of a prophet - a man who knew, ahead of his time where it was all going.

[PenultimateManStanding]

con1: I'm interested in why you think I should buy Baroque and Renaissance. Now I understand Peak Oil, and frankly, it scares the crap out of me.

con2: Yes, I know. But think about it. What is the most obvious thing about the last century? Imagery. Movies, Television, Magazines. Rampant proliferation of slick imagery. Why do you think that artists moved into such weird endeavors? Their traditional field was preempted.

con1: I've always liked the old oil painting art. Specially Dutch.

con2: Right, me too. But it isn't hip. Art is about statements.

con1: Statements?

con2: Come on, you have an expensive piece of shit and you don't know about statements?

con1: Oh yeah, Manzoni. I'm sorry, I'm still stunned about Peak Oil. So why do you think that Baroque and Renaissance Art is such a hot investment item?

con2: What will happen when the TV stations all go out of business? What will happen when the Movie Studios are defunct? Those glossy magazines will fade like dirt, with impermanent ink. Those oldtime artists painted with profound understanding. Their works will far outlast anything of the 20th Century. That kind of art will become priceless.

con1: You're right. And I like it. Art should be good. I'm sick of all this cynical crap. I don't care how much it's worth, the more the better, because I agree with you!

con2: So I can have the Basquiat for 130?

con1: heh heh.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Well, that's it for our connoissures.

[PenultimateManStanding]

So here it is, what do you think, lighthouse?

[rogerhb]

Did Manzoni do "The Fan" as well?

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('rogerhb', 'D')id Manzoni do "The Fan" as well?

[Atlantean_Relic]

Did he use preservatives?

[PenultimateManStanding]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Atlantean_Relic', 'D')id he use preservatives?

[Atlantean_Relic]

No, but then again I wouldn't have canned it in the first place