[doufus]

I got tired of all the gun posts. 9mm or .45, shotgun or sniper, auto or semiauto, grenade or RPG, cluster bomb or napalm, fuel-air-explosive or nuke. yawn.

I decided to go without technology- to go ninja.

So i bound my feet in black cloth and put on some thongs then made
some additions to my bug-out underpants. Some readers will know that
these are not lice free underwear but a specially designed set of jocks
that have an entire survival kit packed in where you pack your other
male essentials.

So I added a garrott by stealing my mom's cheese slicer- you know
a length of wire with 2 pieces of wood for end pieces. I found 2 kebab
skewers and practiced that ninja shit in the matrix- especially the bit where
Neo eggs on Mr.smith with a wave of his hand.

I also practiced those ninja jumps on the tramp and i can now stay in
the air right up until the point that gravity takes over.

Yesterday i ambushed the dog as the fat bastard was chowing down
on his never ending food bowl. I ninja jumped on his back and shoved
the skewers in his ears as far as they'd go - which wasn't far cos
he has those thick, fat, floppy ears that tell the other dogs "I'm
a fat, stupid, over fed d**k head who can't even remember where
his balls are to lick them."

So it kinda surprised me when the fat pr**K turned on me and bit
me in the 'nads- right thru my bug out underpants. Next time I'll
lift those ears at the last second and give it to him deep. Yeh he's
goin' down.

Next, i started practising with the garrott. I was decapitating Mrs.
Jansen's flowers next door until she turned the hose on me and then
i saw old lady Brown shuffling past the front gate. I managed to
garrott all of the aluminium tubes of her walking frame before she
even knew it. senile b**ch. she's zombie food fer sure.

When my mom bailed me out of the police station she said at 28 i
was too old for this shit and that i should stick with guns. yeah yeah.
she's a lost cause and zombie food. probably a zombie rape victim too
for the really ugly zombies. I was a finely tuned instrument of death
not a fat, gun totin', beer guzzlin', jerk who last saw his penis in a low
hung mirror.

Anyways, the best part was when i ordered the magic invisible
cloak by harry potter mail order. I didn't wanna waste it on the dog,
so i waited for Mrs. Brown's senile old husband Jack to go past.
I leapt out with the invisible cloak on and at the ready with my skewers.
Old Jack was f*(**n terrified, eyes poppin and amazed at my
invisibility as I snickered under the cloak looking up at him under
an edge. But i didn't get to stick him cos he just fainted, clutching
his chest and jerking in pain.

yair, i'm a world of pain. American ninja. I ran down the block as
a bunch of police and others went past, probably looking for a fire
or somethin'. Since then my mom called me and gave me $1000 to
get outta town for a while so i booked a ticket to
disney and man here i am!!

[Peakoil_Tarzan]

doufus, I'm with ya. I'm especially appreciative of your "low tech" approach to the problem of Post-Peak self-defense. I mean, when the SHTF, you aren't going to be able to drive down to Wal-Mart to load up on ammo.

Say...uh...where do you get those underpants???

[max_power29]

Doufus, All I can say is: have fun when the police in your area run out of funding and they are all busy with their own survival and taking care of their own families.

[frankthetank]

Check out the movie "3 Ninjas" made back in 1992... You'll learn a hell of a lot from Rocky and "tum tum".

[some_guy282]

LMAO

Where did you order that harry potter invisible cloak? I want one!

[strider3700]

You can't be a ninja without ninja stars. some careful cutting of AOL cd's should have you geared up in no time though.

[Choon]

I just hope my karate instructor gets down to teaching me how to use the katana before the ravenous hordes loot the grocery store. Man, training with weapons is just pure ecstacy!

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

LMAO. Move over Rambo! its american ninja! too funny dude! thanks for the laugh!

[doufus]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('max_power29', 'D')oufus, All I can say is: have fun when the police in your area run out of funding and they are all busy with their own survival and taking care of their own families.

[doufus]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Choon', 'I') just hope my karate instructor gets down to teaching me how to use the katana before the ravenous hordes loot the grocery store. Man, training with weapons is just pure ecstacy!

[doufus]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('strider3700', 'Y')ou can't be a ninja without ninja stars. some careful cutting of AOL cd's should have you geared up in no time though.

[doufus]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('frankthetank', 'C')heck out the movie "3 Ninjas" made back in 1992... You'll learn a hell of a lot from Rocky and "tum tum".

[Vexed]

Dude, you could get one of these to make sure no one "steps" to you wrong.



I thought your post was hilarious.

[doufus]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Vexed', 'D')ude, you could get one of these to make sure no one "steps" to you wrong.



I thought your post was hilarious.