[Specop_007]

Your hot tub says "Rubbermaid" on the side.



Click

[Daculling]

You mow your lawn and find a car.

[Antimatter]

Your brother and sister are getting it on in said hottub.

[Schweinshaxe]

... you look out of the window and see your 7 dirty, half naked, retarded children running around in the back yard, playing tic-tac-toe with fresh chicken shit with snot running out of their noses.

You could also be somewhere in East Germany. Different languages, same mullet.

You don't believe me?

www.rentagerman.de

[KiddieKorral]

That's so random. I'd like to rent a German.

You might be a redneck Muslim... (sorry, I couldn't resist )

If you say "Assalam Alaiykum y'all."
If you tip you hat when you say "Assalam Alaiykum y'all."
If you put your boots back on after salat.
If your thobe or kufi is a camouflage color.
If you hunt between Magrib and Isha.
If you fish, swim, bath, and perform wudu in the same body of water.
If you prefer to pray outside your trailer.
If you think the greatest jihad is praying magrib during WWF Wrestling.
If you think the greatest jihad consists of spraypainting "Allah Akbar" on a water tower.
If you eat possum or squirrel at your family's Eid Al-Fitr dinner.
If you can't make up your mind between listening to George Strait or Sheik Hamza Yusuf.
If you think God will look a lot like a famous country singer.
If you think Clint Eastwood should play Muhammad(pbuh) in the next movie, "The Messenger."
If you think the next movie about the life of the Prophet(pbuh) should be a Western.
If you've ever said "takbeer" during a rodeo, tractor pull, or wrestling match.
If you distribute Qur'ans at your fireworks stand or yard sale.
If your belt buckle says "Allah Akbar."
If you can't wait until KFC chicken becomes zabia.
If your regular dua includes your cow, your crops, and your drunk relatives.
If your mosque is surrounded by pick-up trucks during Jummah.
If the FBI surrounded your trailer park and took Abu Bakr Smith in for questioning.
If your mobile home tilts forward when you perform your daily prayers.
If your town gets a new mosque, and you have to help take the wheels off it.
If a refrigerator or washing machine sits in front of your mosque.
If the reading material on your coffee table includes "Hunting and Fishing" and the Qur'an.
If your reversion story includes the KKK, a minister, a bar incident, or a hunting accident.
If your closest friend is Joe Bob "Abdul Rahman" Edwards.
If your name is Bubba, and you've changed it to Bubba Ali.
If a prayer hangs outside and inside your outhouse door.
If you're banned from the county picnic for distributing Qur'ans illegally.
If you wonder whether naming a dog "Abdul Majid" is sacriligious.
If you're waiting for Wal-Mart to sell kufis and thobes.
If you've ever asked your Imam if monster truck rallies are halal.
If you swear that Jefferson Davis was really a misunderstood Muslim.
If you've ever gotten into a fist fight in a laundromat over something Islam-related.
If your Imam gives a lecture against poaching, and you know he's referring to you.
If you explain Tawheed by insisting that you can really only have one Dad, even though you have three uncles.
If you explain original sin by insisting that you don't deserve to go to jail for your Uncle Roy's stupidity.
If you've ever made a do-it-yourself prayer rug with duct tape.
If you say "Bismillah" before chopping wood, plowing a field, or milking a cow.
If you've ever said, "Hurry y'all Iqama!"

[uNkNowN ElEmEnt]

You might be a redneck if...

you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as dual airbags.

[k_semler]

If you shot a magpie with your SKS.

If you know what a "Potlatch Turkey" is.

If you have trained your dog to round up sheep, but not how to herd them

If you put a 50 year roof on your dog's house, complete with tarpaper and asphalt shingles.

If you painted your dog's house to match your house.

When you're proud of the paint job you did on the pump house.

If you have ever logged three chords of wood in your back yard, after a severe wind and hail storm.

If you dug a hole, to see how long it would take to get tired.

If you "borrow" gravel from the county road for your driveway.

If you decide you want a 2 tone car, so you paint your car below the side trims with a rattle can, and newspaper as the masking agent.

If you paint your wheels chrome to make your car look nicer.

If you ever rigged up your heater fan to a "Hot--Ignition only" line, and you had to shut off all heater vents to defrost your windshield.

If you ever drove down the road with your head hanging out of the car and wearing subarctic gear becase your windows were too frosted on the inside to see out of.

If you ever went off roading, (on purpose), in a 1989 Ford Mustang LX Hatchback.

If you ever drove into a ditch, because you were reading your mail.



The sad thing is, I have done every single one of these. Some, more than once.

[Cool Hand Linc]

If your 1st wife is your mother and your sister and are both the same person and she is the mother of your 1st child......who is your 2nd wife and mother of your 2nd child and first grand child.

How could this happen you might ask?

Not if your a red neck!!!!!