by evilgenius » Thu 16 Jun 2022, 08:50:17
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Tanada', 'O')h Rats! Aaron was one of the people who made me feel welcome here way back in April 2005 when I signed up instead of lurking unable to keep my opinions to myself.
The fact that his ex made it a condition of visitation that he had to leave PO.com was one of the things that really ticked me off about the way custody is handled by the US courts. Best interest of the child is only a factor in a handful of states, in most places it is presumed without question that the mother is the necessary parent with no nuance at all applied. Every relationship and family is different, there is no one size fits all solution and the meat grinder of the American custody court system should be evidence enough to prove that to everyone's satisfaction.
I had been quietly hoping that as his kids moved into adulthood he might return but this sad news makes that impossible. I know it is natural that the older I get the more friends and acquaintances will have passed on but it is still a grieving process. One of the few times in my life I saw my father in tears was when he was 62 and his best friend died of a sudden heart attack. Aaron was a fine person and I am sure those he was close to shall miss him terribly.
I dare say, among straight men, that is the best argument for gay rights, ever! I use that same argument from time to time as well. Best interest of the child is about our futures. Best interest of the child is about developing whole people. Picking one parent automatically without reference to who they really are is actively perpetuating everything that is actually wrong with society. It actively backs "the way we've always done it" to the exclusion of taking a look and going with the best choice. It is lazy and, very often, unreasonable. I don't think, in the information age, that we have an excuse for being that lazy anymore. We should be able to organize what was always too difficult before, such that we automatically defaulted to giving the mother custody and the father a monthly bill. Maybe, usually, that is right, but justice doesn't have a preference, usually. Indifference, in this case, is a better policy.