[Plantagenet]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Sixstrings', '
')He lived a VERY long life and was blessed with excellent health through all 94 years right up until the last six months. I was pretty proud of him, mostly taking care of himself and keeping all his wits in such advanced age. And then he turns around and purposely leaves nothing to me and even my brother who saw him weekly. Why did he do that, it just hurts.

[PrestonSturges]

Executors often just go crazy spending the money on themselves, more than they were entitled to inherit. And then they get conned or they decide they suddenly know all about day trading or playing blackjack. The money can vanish quickly without them even really spending it on themselves, just pissing it away on foolish ideas. This is illegal, but rarely criminally prosecuted.

Lawyers can be pressured by complaints to the state bar association.

[mos6507]

All you need to know about this is the Twilight Zone episode where the heirs have their faces turned into grotesque caricatures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek_r0Lv6AKU

[Tanada]

My personal philosophy is money I never had in my possession was never mine so if someone else has it I don't let it bother me. I decided in my early 20's if I inherit anything it is a bonus, but I do not plan on ever seeing a dime from anyone.

It is amazing how much easier it was for me to get along with my elderly relatives after I reached this decision, so far none of them has left me anything but I live my own life and am responsible for my own bills. Sure it would be nice, but so would winning the lottery or any other unplanned for extra income. The family time I had/have is not marred by future expectations or past ones either.

[SeaGypsy]

I'm with you there Tanada. Fretting over things one might have got if someone had a different attitude doesn't feel right at all. When my multi millionaire grandfather died and everything went to my mother and her siblings, I was impressed enough that he broke the tradition and did not disinherit all but his eldest son. Who wouldn't like a cash injection? Who really deserves one?

On the other hand, in this specific situation I think Preston's advice is salient; why not just check it out to be sure? Especially the fact that the sole inheritor is the executor and he is being precocious about showing the will, does seem a little sus.

If the old man's will really says what the uncle is saying, with no room for doubt, let him have it. If not then it might not take much to get a realistic outcome.

[Newfie]

My personal story wasn't about money. Mom had a kid out of wed lock when she was young. A few years later she met my Dad and she moved to the states with him, leaving my half sister behind. I grew up knowing there was a spare kid in the family but Mom and Dad would not own up to it.

When Dad died Mom told me the story, well her version at least. When Mom got sick my half sister came to visit. Mom introduced her to her best friend as "a family member." Pissed me off but I kept my mouth shut.

When Mom passed, the night of the ceremony, I spilled the beans to her best friend. I introduced my sister as 'my sister.'

Went to probate and Mom had signed an affidavit that I was her only off spring.

In the long run my sister probably got the better of the deal in a strange way. Mom was just plain loony in way to many ways. Self absorbed.My sis is a wonderful person, tough as nails. Doesn't mince words. We are now staying in touch and I visit her every year.

It is a damn shame the way my Mom treated my sis. No money to speak of in this situation, but plenty of hurt. The only good thing about it is it validated my sense that Mom was nuts. That helped me to feel more sane.

[Sixstrings]

A little update..

My brother said he wrote our uncle a long letter. My brother is a bit naive. He thinks my uncle will come around and "do the right thing." I tried to tell him that's just not going to happen, but anyway it was probably cathartic for him to write the letter. He needs to have some contact anyway, just to get some family pictures and all I want is anything my grandmother made by hand (whatever can be spared of course, there are several quilts I would like one of those).

Other than that, at this point this whole pile of stinking crap is just feeling so TOXIC.. I'm feeling like I want nothing more to do with it, even if shady things are going on and even if there's 500k - a million in the estate. I just can't explain how toxic it is. Fighting my uncle would just make me a toxic person. I have a bad back, and this whole thing is so disgusting my back's been seizing up on me whenever I have to talk about it.

As for the will, my sister in law is going to stay on top of getting a copy. I tried to explain to her some of things you guys said, that there might be something shady going on with the will still not having been filed. She said the lady at the courthouse was very surprised no will has been filed. But as for a lawyer, my brother's family can't afford any kind of retainer and really I can't either. Plus I don't know if I can do that, it would be fighting my uncle -- he was my grandfather's favorite, not my father, so fighting the uncle is going against what his wishes would be.

So that's where it stands now, I don't have the energy to fight this or dig into it I'll have to leave that to my brother. And I'm actually dreading the will.. there's a possibility that more distant relations were included, including an ex-girlfriend. Yes he had a girlfriend at 90, he was a pistol.. she was about 80, and the family thinks she got herself put in the will because her last two husbands' families maneuvered her out of those wills. I don't care about her being int the will and not me, but it's going to hurt if second cousins are in (people I know he never had anything to do with).

See how toxic all this stuff is? Ugh I don't want any part of it anymore.

[PrestonSturges]

If I could ask, where is the estate located, what state? Maybe someone could rec' a lawyer.

But this weekend, go out and get a book on the subject. The local bookstore will have several titles.

The problem with any civil action is that lawyers have a very cozy little fraternity, which works against all parties involved because there will be much "log rolling" where they make excuses to chat and and everyone else pays. Sometimes you can find a couple that really hate each other, and if the will is really a scam, then you might get one to go on the warpath.

[Sixstrings]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('PrestonSturges', 'I')f I could ask, where is the estate located, what state? Maybe someone could rec' a lawyer.

[SeaGypsy]

Some thoughts from Confucius:

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'A') public servant who on confronting danger is prepared to lay down his life, who on confronting gain
concentrates on what is right, who when sacrificing concentrates on reverence, who when mourning concentrates
on grief should definitely be all right. (19:1, Analects)

Few indeed are those who are naturally filial towards their parents and dutiful towards their elder brothers but are
fond of opposing their superiors; and it never happens that those who do not like opposing their superiors are
fond of creating civil disorder. The gentleman concerns himself with the root; and if the root is firmly planted, the
Way grows. Filial piety and fraternal duty--surely they are the roots of humaneness. (1:2, Analects)

Confucius advised his students that if they would "show solicitude for parents at the end of their lives and continue this with sacrifices when they are far away," then "the people's virtue will be restored to fullness" (Book 1: #9, pg. 4, Analects). He believed that, if people could learn to perform their familial roles properly, they would in turn be able to perform their roles in society and government properly (4:20, Analects). The emperor's role was like that of a father: he would love his subjects as if they were his children, and they in turn would show loyalty and respect for him.
Confucius said that filial piety consisted of obedience to, respect for, and loyalty to one's parents. A man would be truly filial if he did not stray from his father's occupation and behavior for several years after his father's death: "When his father is alive, you observe a man's intentions. It is when the father is dead that you observe the man's actions. If for three years he makes no change from the ways of his father, he may be called filial." (1:11, Analects).
Filial piety was so important, in fact, that Confucius felt that it should be considered more important than the law. He told the Duke of She that "Fathers cover up for their sons and sons cover up for their fathers. Uprightness is to be found in this" (13:18, Analects).

[mos6507]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Tanada', 'M')y personal philosophy is money I never had in my possession was never mine so if someone else has it I don't let it bother me. I decided in my early 20's if I inherit anything it is a bonus, but I do not plan on ever seeing a dime from anyone.

It is amazing how much easier it was for me to get along with my elderly relatives after I reached this decision, so far none of them has left me anything but I live my own life and am responsible for my own bills. Sure it would be nice, but so would winning the lottery or any other unplanned for extra income. The family time I had/have is not marred by future expectations or past ones either.

[Plantagenet]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mos6507', '[')
I've had countless arguments with my parents over what to do with the market value of this house, as I want my parents to cash out and pool resources on a collective doomstead. They won't do this, so that limits my future preps to what I can accomplish with my own finances. If I thought the future economy would enable me to pay off a 30 year mortgage I might not be afraid to take on debt just as my parents were casual about it when they bought this house in the 1960s. But by limiting myself to all-cash in order to prevent myself from losing the doomstead to a future foreclosure, I can not do nearly as much as I could do if we pooled resources.

[rangerone314]

If I ever had a significant amount of money when I get old, I'd probably fake my own death and then observe which family members act like the worst a$$e$ and then miraculously I am alive again and then I publicly cut the a$$e$ out of the will.

[PrestonSturges]

Sometimes it's the fine print, like "remaining assets to be divided equally," and the executor might say "well there aren't any other assets."

In fact your Grandfather will have bonds maturing, business inventory, warehouses, insurance policies that need to be claimed, mutual funds, big chunks of stock, and real estate nobody knew about (and may have an office building squatting on). Also, his customers may owe his company large sums of money, but they might just "forget" to pay until someone reminds them. It can easily take a year to gather up all those incidental assets because nobody knows about them until the companies send statements or bills. So there could be a whole lot of assets out there that can be stolen from the rightful heirs unless someone really pays attention and prevents it from getting all mingled together.

[Tyler_JC]

My grandfather on my dad's side had a diamond ring that was supposed to go to me when he died.

Well, he died and the ring ended up going to my uncle.

But my uncle took care of my grandfather in his last few years while I visited him maybe once a year. So...it's fine by me that I didn't get the ring.

[SeaGypsy]

Here's another variation on the theme:

My grandad, who died wealthy, spent 6 years in a nursing home at his own expense.
My mother, who has 1/36th of her father's estate, intends to move to a nursing home as soon as she 'doesn't feel safe' looking after herself anymore. This despite the fact I am a trained palliative and aged care nurse and that I was my father's carer at the end stage of his life.
In my mother's family, if you make age 40, you will probably make close to 90.
I expect my mother will spend much of what she has on $500 a day care towards the end of her life.
She doesn't even consider that this is money she could easily save, or that me and my brothers would certainly make sacrifices to share her care. She doesn't want to be a 'burden' to us.

[Sixstrings]

A little update.

My brother wrote my uncle a heartfelt letter.

Uncle wrote him back.. told him that the three grandchildren weren't good grandchildren, we deserve nothing. Said we never visited our Grandpa enough. I don't know what more I could have done, I've been going up there to visit him (and my father, before he passed) since I was 6.. as an adult, I flew up there at my own expense every few years.

Worst of all, he said "maybe if you all turn your lives around one day you'll get to ask your grandfather why he felt this way about you."

Bizarre.. I asked my brother to mail me a copy of the letter. This sounds nothing like my uncle, he's an executive for a big oil company, all business, has class -- I can't imagine him writing something like this.

My brother said he asked about our grandmother's quilts -- uncle said we can't even have those, we get absolutely nothing.

[Plantagenet]

There's an old saying that goes "you really don't know someone until you share an inheritance with them."

I think you've just found out that your Uncle is not a very nice person, and may be an unscrupulous schemer we well.

[SeaGypsy]

I think I told this story ages ago on another thread, I will mention it again. My father's only brother refused to lend him $40k for an operation to save his life. He is a retired billionaire executive of a major US corporation who bragged to his dieing brother of his $286 million golden handshake. His words to his only brother "I will pay for your operation if you first come to my church (evangelical southern Baptist), publicly confess your sins and pledge your soul to Jesus Christ". How the F*%k is that!

[Sixstrings]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Plantagenet', 'I') think you've just found out that your Uncle is not a very nice person, and may be an unscrupulous schemer we well.