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I have a decision to make

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I have a decision to make

Unread postby vampyregirl » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 13:26:24

My sons father has agreed to forfeit his visitation rights if I will forgo child support. So I'm debating, should I accept this offer?
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby diemos » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 13:36:03

Depends. Where does he fall on the rat's ass bastard scale and how much money are we talking, both absolute and as a fraction of your total income?
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby vampyregirl » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 13:42:26

Without going into all the details, let me give you a recent. The last time he came to visit our son, when he brought him home my son asked me "Mommy what is a cunt? I was shocked and I asked him where he heard that word, he said Daddy says you're a cunt. That was the last straw for me. I told him I want him out of our lives and I was going to court to have his visitation rights revoked. And now he is making this offer.
As for the child support I could live without it but it will be tough.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby diemos » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 13:51:54

Cut him loose.

The fact that he would even make the offer shows that he'll never be a positive influence in your child's life.

Just don't tell your kid until he's an adult that daddy chose money over him.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby efarmer » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 14:43:58

I think some things are privileges that you reach agreement on with backup if necessary and others are actually awards of the court system (custody & child support). Is this really your decision to make even if you feel you have to?

Free local legal advice that knows the local family court ropes is probably the deal.

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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby Keith_McClary » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 14:48:11

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('vampyregirl', ' ')forfeit his visitation rights if I will forgo child support.

I found this not-a-lawyer opinion, FWIW:$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '
')No, you cannot sign away your parental rights just to get out of paying child support. You know why? Your second question answers it - because the courts would be jammed with deadbeat parents willing to sign away their rights in order to avoid paying support!
If Mommy doesn't like Daddy and wants her new squeeze to be "daddy," she has to have him adopt the child. The biological daddy will only be "allowed" to sign away his rights in a situation like that - where there is someone else ready, willing, and able to step up and take care of the child.
The latter part may not be applicable, but I suspect in many jurisdictions they will consider the child's interests. Also, they have to consider the possibility that the remaining parent will need some form of assistance, so they will not let the father off the hook easily. IANAL

I'm just saying, be careful - if you make an agreement, it might not be legally binding, so he could renege in a couple of years, but you'd never collect the support for that time.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby vtsnowedin » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 16:28:41

I'll Ditto Keith_McClary's post. The child support and the visitation rights are two separate things.
I feel for you having to make such choices. I'm sure that's not how you planned your lives.
Good luck.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby ian807 » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 16:46:31

If it can be done, I'd do it. Even if it's an informal agreement between you two. He's not mature enough to be anywhere near a child.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby Tanada » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 20:40:14

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('vampyregirl', 'M')y sons father has agreed to forfeit his visitation rights if I will forgo child support. So I'm debating, should I accept this offer?


From what you said elsewhere you need to go to court to terminate his visitation rights period, and you do not have to give up child support to do it. He is an evil influence on your child, without a court order he can renege any time and demand a visit. Get the court on your side, believe me you will live to regret it if you don't.
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To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby Pretorian » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 20:54:31

yes I think you can have it both ways in theory. And the child support is not yours to give up. Why did you bear his child again ?
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby cynthia » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 22:12:27

Read Tanada's post and heed those words.
Child Support is for your child. It is the father's duty until your child is adopted by someone else as mentioned earlier, or until the child turns 18.
The state of Oregon handles CS as a go between, doing the collecting and auditing the monthly payments based on income (his and yours). Maybe your state has a similar program.
And document what your child is saying, should you have to terminate your ex's parental rights.
So sorry you are going through this. And above all, protect your child.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby the48thronin » Sat 26 Jun 2010, 23:44:54

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('cynthia', 'R')ead Tanada's post and heed those words.
Child Support is for your child. It is the father's duty until your child is adopted by someone else as mentioned earlier, or until the child turns 18.
The state of Oregon handles CS as a go between, doing the collecting and auditing the monthly payments based on income (his and yours). Maybe your state has a similar program.
And document what your child is saying, should you have to terminate your ex's parental rights.
So sorry you are going through this. And above all, protect your child.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby PrestonSturges » Sun 27 Jun 2010, 01:21:41

Just say no. it does not sound like he'll be around much or be giving you any money anyway, but don't let him make that your emotional responsibility.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby americandream » Sun 27 Jun 2010, 02:55:02

Just be careful. The child's interests are always paramount and one cannot contract a child's right to a parent away if said right can be shown to be in the child's intest.

Edit: Heed Tanada's advice and do it properly.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('vampyregirl', 'M')y sons father has agreed to forfeit his visitation rights if I will forgo child support. So I'm debating, should I accept this offer?
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby vampyregirl » Mon 28 Jun 2010, 14:15:58

I'm not going to accept his offer. Looks like I have a court journey.
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Re: I have a decision to make

Unread postby cynthia » Tue 29 Jun 2010, 22:59:55

Good luck vampyregirl. Be strong!
Your ex is not behaving from his heart or with your dear child in mind. So sad.
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