Millennials, please don’t reproduce

As a whole, I have no issues with millennials, just like I would never have an issue with someone based purely on their birth year.

I do not believe that millennials are more entitled, lazy, or more “politically correct” than any previous generation, because I wholly reject any argument which situates itself upon the generalization of an entire group of people.

However, I firmly believe that millennials should agree under penalty of law not to reproduce for at least 15 years, beginning Jan. 1, 2017. There are currently 7.5 billion people on the planet, and at this rate the Earth could hit its theorized capacity of 10 billion people by the year 2100.

Scientists believe that since the rate at which humans reproduce is on the decline, we will spare our grandchildren the horror of having to fight innumerable others for scarce resources; but I think desperate times call for desperate measures.

It is important to remember there are also 400,000 children currently in the foster care system, more than 25 percent of which are up for adoption. There is no justifiable excuse for introducing new human life to this cruel, sick world, and with the average millennial navigating fiscal distress and an unforgiving job market, I find the thought of reproduction utterly selfish.

The time for individualism is over. The world is in crisis, and only its people can save it. It is apparent that the government is too invested in nonrenewable energy to truly give a damn about climate change, so a worldwide movement of young people refusing to make babies is just the sort of radical protest that will show the world’s elite that we shall be complacent no more.

This is why I am calling on all people who are or will be of reproducing age by the year 2032 to agree to sign a legally binding document making it a criminal offense to knowingly conceive a child. The threat of climate change looms heavy, and there are few better ways to reduce one’s carbon footprint than to abstain from conceiving children.

Overpopulation is no laughing matter. Most of the people alive right now will live well past 2050, the year scientists predict the world’s population will reach nine billion. Maybe I am wrong and everything will just work out, but I refuse to sit idly by just to tell my hypothetical grandchildren (who would not be born until well after 2050) that I did not do my part to curb the crisis of overpopulation.

Millennials, please join me in pledging to refrain from conceiving children until the Earth needs repopulating. The average human being’s lifespan is longer than it ever has been, so we need to wait as long as possible for the oldest 10 percent to meet their unfortunate demise.

To clarify, I am not saying do not have sex, but please skip the sperm-fertilizing-egg part. The future of our species and our planet depends on it.

Daily UW