As they say- life isn't a problem to be solved but a mystery to be
experienced.
The kind of anguish you're experiencing is pretty ego driven- but normal
for most of us. Can i suggest reading some nondualism literature.
However, if your ego is doing a dummy spit over the prospect of its own demise then ND is pretty heavy going because
it's fundamental conclusion is that you don't exist at all. javascript:emoticon(':oops:')
Embarassed
Now, for adherents to western individualism and the cult of "me" this is
utterly unacceptable. And I have at this point probably been dumped into the " nutcase folder" of hundreds of mailboxes.
But (!) the unfolding realisation that we are ALL, each
and every one of us, headed for a pine box is actually the driving energy
behind everyday ego dynamics as we strive for power, possessions
and stimulation- anything that can distract us and/or protect us from
this unavoidable truth.
And the lengths we go to in our denial are truly amazing. We invent fairytales we call religions that will save us if we perform the right rituals and believe the right things. We create empires of possessions,
build pyramids, preserve our corpses, dull our minds with drugs and
entertainment. Sometimes we even eat pizza. Yep we'll do just about
anything to take our minds off our inevitable last breath.
But consider it this way. The universe is an ocean of consciousness
that has always existed and always will. Flecks and drops of spray
surge back and forth all of the time. One of them is you and in your
moment of flight and momentary consciousness you look down and say "Well f^&%ck me! Who am I? Where do I come from? I must be
important. What am I supposed to do? How am i supposed to live?
What am I here for?"
Of course, being blissfully unaware of your own true nature as a
part of this infinite ocean, you wallow in your own angst and
ego. You indulge in all sorts of fantasies and enterprises to
reassure yourself that somehow, someway your very important
self will not return to the ocean it came from. But of course it will.
One commentator noted that we see ourselves as points of life
in a dead universe when in fact it's the opposite. Our temporary
connsciousness momentarily isolates us from everything that is.
Consequently, we are actually points of death in a living, conscious universe.
If u take that approach, then death isn't the end of you and your
incredibly important ass. It's a return to everything that always
was and always will be. Not you as in the bag of neuroses and
desires you drag around each day. But you as a droplet of
consciousness rejoining its ocean once more.
But the more you dwell on you, the worse it will get.
Get some nature time if u can. In between the bugs and discomfort
you might recapture the feeling of "merging" we get when we look at the
stars or natural beauty. You might regain your sense of place in the
scheme of things. You might hear the ocean you come from and
realise that it's where you belong and where you will ultimately go.
And in that same moment, you might be lucky and understand that
there never was a you in any case. But that's way beyond your
average fashion following, media educated, American Lemming.
So go order that pizza now and fer chrissake stop thinking about yourself
and just look around and be amazed.
here endeth navel gazing 101.
