[CarlinsDarlin]

I found this on Backwoods Home Magazine's website - if it wasn't so scary it would be funny. Apologies to any who may have already seen it.
K

http://www.backwoodshome.com/columns/de ... 41111.html

Ordering Pizza In 2008

By Oliver Del Signore


My niece forwarded to me an email this morning. It makes clear what can happen -- some would say what will happen -- when good people allow their rights, freedoms, and privacy to be chipped away a little at a time.

Frankly, I wish I'd written it, but all I can do is to pass it on and hope those of you who read it will not find it funny at all and will work to do something to make sure it never happens.

And if anyone knows who the author is, please let me know so I can give him or her credit.



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ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008

This is so close to what is probably going to be happening in 2008 that we're not sure how funny this really is...

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?



Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut

[savethehumans]

Perfect. Bullseye. Nail on the head.

Me, I'll just go to my favorite pizza place and order for-here. They know me, I won't HAVE any health insurance provider to worry about, and since I'll be a known "radical," Big Bro's not gonna care if I drop dead of a heart attack anyway.

I have read that National ID cards are just a year or two away. So Hollywood can stop making horror movies--they'll never compete with real life!

Oh, and make mine pepperoni, with extra cheese. And a diet Coke. (Yes, Virginia, I am a diabetic....)

[PenultimateManStanding]

Commode sensors! "Instead of a soybean pizza, make that a soylent green pizza."

[0mar]

lol nice!!

[Itch]

It sure is nice to be able to cook.

[bentstrider]

Time to fake our own deaths and live in the shadows.
After the energy bickering and WMD firing is through, we could start a new society based on caps and limits of what we use.

[gg3]

Good rendition. I came up with one of those over ten years ago when AT&T was running it's "Some day you may..." campaign:

"Some day you may... find a message on your answering machine from your health insurance company, informing you they've raised your rates because they noticed you were buying too much meat and dairy at the grocery store."

This got quoted in one of the New York dailies.

By the way this kind of stuff isn't too far off from truth either. What else do you think they test for, besides marijuana, when the boss makes you pull down your pants and pee in a cup under his (or his surrogates') watchful gaze...?