[crow]

Which of these are most likely to occur?



>Headlines from the year 2029!
>
>Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
>country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.
>
>White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
>third language.
>
>Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.
>
>Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
>
>Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
>years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
>
>
>France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
>
>Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
>but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
>
>George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
>
>Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
>delivery to Wednesdays only.
>
>85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
>
>Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
>
>Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
>they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
>
>Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
>
>Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
>
>Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
>
>New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
>and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
>
>Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
>contributions to campaign accounts.
>
>Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
>
>IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
>
>Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines
>
>

[JayBee]

>Headlines from the year 2029!
>
>Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
>country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

Nah. It would still be called California. Reunited with Baja California and part of Mexico. Along with all the other stolen states. Viva Tejas!

>White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
>third language.

Can't even imagine what the second could be.

Do Americans actually speak English?

>Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Yes but by two male partners.

>Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Marriage?

>Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more
>years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Let's hope so.

>France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

The Islamic Republic of France conquered the Carribean in 2020.

>Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
>legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

And chucked her "But I didn't inhale" father in prison.

>George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

He won't need to. A NORI poll estimates that he would have won anyway because the US government is bankrupt and can't afford elections anymore.

>Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
>mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

:O You have classes of stamp in the US? Someone needs to go postal over this.

>85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
>
>Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

None of that will happen.

>Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
>speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

But quantum physics prevents us knowing this for sure.

>Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Are any there now?

>Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

So says Chief Justice Buster Crymes

>Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Slam dunk a thing of the past... yawn... basketball is boring.

And so on...

[AmericanEmpire]

I don't think there will be any headlines. Its more likely we will have crashed back to the stone age existence in many areas.

[JeeBoomba]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('AmericanEmpire', 'I') don't think there will be any headlines. Its more likely we will have crashed back to the stone age existence in many areas.

[Wildwell]

A bunch of genetically modified pussies’ riot all over the world over Tom and Jerry.

[Backtosteam]

Funny!

How about these...

DJIA Breaks 50,000
Sales of McMansions Up Again for 35th Straight Year
GM Introduces Largest Hummer Yet
Bush Proposes Amtrak Funding Cut for 2030
POLL: Most Americans Don't Want Smart Growth
NASA Study...2028 Warmest Year on Record

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('AmericanEmpire', 'I') don't think there will be any headlines. Its more likely we will have crashed back to the stone age existence in many areas.

[Novus]

Possible environment related headlines:

- "Last Tree in the Amazon rainforest cut down."
- "Over 100 huricanes predicted this year."
- "Midwest dust bowl enters second decade."
- "Canadia Orange growers harvest bumper crop."