by arocoun » Sat 03 Dec 2005, 15:12:03
Perhaps a new, more accurate anology is in order:
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One day, little Jimmy asks me, "Why are we in a war with Iraq?" Well, I came up with an interesting idea...
"Okay, stand in front of that big window. Pretend like we're the US, you're our president, and that all the other houses are other countries. Are you pretending?"
"Yep," Jimmy says," this is going to be fun!" It sure is.
"Okay, now, you and a few other countries have been going around on your blocks--your continents. You've been going door to door, telling people to get out of their houses or else, then rebuilding the houses however you wanted. And even now, you watch over those houses to make sure they're still doing what you tell them to do. This is called imperialism."
Jimmy looked confused. "Why would people let me do that to them?"
"Well, you see, we have bigger guns than they do, and when people don't do what we want them to do, we ruthlessly threaten and kill them." Jimmy started to get upset, so I tried to make him feel better. "Don't look so sad. It's not like they'll be able to do anything to us! We're big and strong!"
"But I don't want to do that to people. It's BAD!" A few tears started to roll down Jimmy's eyes, but that's just too bad. Jimmy is going to have to toughen up, or he'll be an bleeding heart, anti-patriotic liberal.
"Well, you see Jimmy, we aren't the only people that do imperialism! And, we've been doing it in the name of democracy, so our imperialism is automatically good! Oh, and while we're on the subject, if any hippy or liberal tells you we don't have a democracy, they don't know what they're talking about."
Jimmy took a moment to stop crying, then asked his question again. "But, why are we at war with Iraq?"
"Well, Iraq--which is all the way down there in that cruddy looking house on that cruddy looking block--has been doing bad stuff, like attacking the houses next to it, and storing guns as big as ours without our permission, and even treating its own people bad. And, we're afraid that that house is going to do imperialism, too. So, because of the way they treat their own people, they're a little bit worse than we are."
Jimmy, being such a blissfully ignorant child, was utterly confused. "But, shouldn't we be stopping our imperialism first? And what about that house on that other block that I keep hearing fights and yelling in?!"
"Well, our imperialism gets us lots of nice, cheap stuff to buy; and that other house doesn't matter to us. You see, that block that Iraq is on has lots of gasoline in it. So, if we fight them, and bring democracy to them, we can also take all their gas, and get a new car."
"But don't they have guns as big as ours?"
"...No. Not really. But it got our people to fight, didn't it?"
Jimmy stared at me in disbelief, and after a short while of just standing there, shocked, he ran upstairs, crying. It seems it's going to take him a few years to get used to the way we do things.
The Origin of Patriotic Philosophy
--We are Greek.
--The barbarians are not Greek.
--Therefore, we must conquer, exploit, and kill the barbarians.