[KaiserJeep]

Just down the street from Clinton's polling place, the proud and beaming neighbor said "My dog just bit Hillary Clinton!".

Then he added "...and spent an hour licking his ass to get rid of the taste!".

[Cog]

Did you really need to start a whole different thread for this Pops? Another mod should combine it into the Trump or Hillary thread.

I know you are a moderator and all but probably should not be. But maybe the site owner feels sorry for you because of your circumstances.

[dohboi]

Thanks, Pops.

Those are great!

[Cog]

[Cog]

[Plantagenet]

Now the Ds are claiming the election was rigged and unfair.

Barbara Boxer just introduced a bill to eliminate the electoral college because it is unfair to Hillary Clinton

[Ibon]

AFTER THE ELECTION

[KaiserJeep]

[dolanbaker]

[Subjectivist]

You heard about the radical vegans who have declared jihad against anything cooked in beef fat?

They're called the Tallow Ban.

[Keith_McClary]

[Tanada]

Not too far off lol, I do use a left hand mouse.

[Tanada]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '[')size=150]
A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, "The usual?"

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad", says the guy.

"Me too," says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the guy, "several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the guy.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The guy sighs and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
[/size]

[Rod_Cloutier]

(hint: look closely at the dog) :

http://www.gocomics.com/bloom-county/2017/10/28

[Tanada]

TWO COWS ~{Matthias Varga}

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows,
but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

-A

[ROCKMAN]

T - Great joke but difficult to beat reality. A Russian on the curling got bounced for doping. Exactly what drugs do you take to enhance your performance...a sedative so you don't get to excited during the "heat" of the battle?

[Keith_McClary]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('ROCKMAN', 'T') - Great joke but difficult to beat reality. A Russian on the curling got bounced for doping. Exactly what drugs do you take to enhance your performance...a sedative so you don't get to excited during the "heat" of the battle?

[Keith_McClary]

Inactivists:
https://www.gocomics.com/speedbump/2018/08/20