[pup55]

1. Read up all you can on the JonBenet Ramsey case. Memorize small, obscure details on the crime that are not generally known except to the "experts" and people that have been following the case for years. The internet and other sources can readily be accessed for this.

2. Start exchanging emails with the family, select members of the news media, and/or the Boulder CO district attorney. These email addresses are also readily available.

3. Eventually, confess to the crime. Apologize to the family for being a heinous murderer, pedophile, etc. Make sure someone from CNN and Fox and Court TV is around to hear you. Send emails in advance to Geraldo Rivera to make sure this happens.

4. When the authorities come to arrest you, make a big deal out of how you are sick, need help, drop hints about how you did it, etc. to make yourself believable. Shed a tear during your perp walk if you can.

5. Fire your lawyers for no apparent reason. Make a big deal out of it.

6. When your family members give alibis as to where you were on Christmas Eve 1996, claim to have a foggy memory. Fire your lawyers again.

7. By now your plan is successful, You have become the most famous person in the US, and are on wall to wall CNN coverage. There is nothing on TV but you for about 10 days. You overshadow plane crashes, hurricanes, and about 1000 civilian deaths in Iraq.

8. You flunk the DNA test (of course, since you did not do it). Now is your chance to cash in on this fame.

9. Hopefully you did not skip out on your sentence for kiddie porn in California, so the cops will release you. If not, you try to survive in jail if you can.

10. You start doing exclusive interviews for the TV news programs. Used to be Barbara Walters was the queen of this sort of thing. Maybe 60 minutes is next.

11. Get counseled by either Dr. Phil or Oprah or both. Insist on a piece of the action.

12. You write a book about the experience, and hold out for a piece of the action. The book becomes a best seller, for no other reason than some idiot people will pay just about anything to hear you babble at this point just out of morbid curiosity. If you had to go to jail in (7) above, you have some spare time to do this.

13. After about one year, come out for a round of "one year later" interviews. Maybe cash in on a second book, perhaps about how fame has affected you.

14. Every few years, when some new suspect is announced, come on TV as a talking head, talk about your experiences, etc. You get to know Larry King by first name.

Here is your plan. Fame and fortune is at your doorstep.

[PenultimateManStanding]

Pretty good, pup. I heard that the guy needed to get out of Thailand in a hurry. Very slick, if you ask me. Prawns and champagne and a quick flight out, not bad, and celebrity too! woo hoo! And those creepy photos of him do seem geared towards the inserting of himself into the public psyche. A con artist of the highest caliber. Hat's off, a job well done.

[emersonbiggins]

Ahhh, that's too much work. How about running away at the altar, and claiming that you were kidnapped by Mexican bandits?



Outcome: not too shabby, considering slap-on-the-wrist fines and a six-figure book deal. Plus, the bonus of not looking like a publicly-denounced, deranged pedophile after the ordeal has got to count for something...

[seldom_seen]

Those eyes say it all. Bonkers!

[pup55]

via huffington Post

[pup55]

Update:

New way to become the most famous person in the US:

1. Get enormous breast implants. Morgtage the house to do this if necessary. Make sure they are the largest size available approved by the FDA.

2. Go platinum.

3. Appear naked several times in a famous male-oriented magazine.

4. Get out of sight for a few years. Eventually, meet up with, and marry, an 85-year old Billionaire.

5. Wait for the Billionaire to kick the bucket, thus leaving you all of the fortune. You will have to take the rest of the family to the US Supreme Court to collect, but this will only add to your fame.

6. Gain a lot of weight. This should be no problem if you tend toward chunkiness anyway. If you are quite fortunate, you will be featured on a reality TV show. If not, you will appear frequently in supermarket tabloids to maintain your fame.

7. Lose a lot of weight. As part of your fame from (6) above, you might be fortunate enough to attract an endorsement from a producer of diet products, allowing you to cash in twice for the same problem.

8. Make frequent public appearances in which you appear to be wasted. There will be some question as to whether you are abusing substances, or in the worst case, are actually just stupid.

9. Mysteriously "marry" your shyster lawyer, in a legally non-binding ceremony, while simultaneously having physical intimacy with every male around you. If you crank out a kid, so much the better. The resultant weight gain and weight loss will give you more opportunities to maintain your fame.

9. Turn up dead in a hotel room. This will drive you from mere, every day, run of the mill "fame" to "instant mega hyper fame". Although tragic, your image will be plastered all over all the TV cable stations all the time, you will be the most famous person in the world, and have an outside chance at "perma-fame", not unlike Elvis or Marilyn. This is the time that, if you had to do it all over again, you will regret having gone out in public wearing some of the things you were wearing, since little snippets of your life will be constantly played on CNN with you looking terrible.

10. A side effect of this might be that your fame may run off onto some of the people around you (your mother, the shyster lawyer, the judge who conducted the hearing to decide where they will bury you, many of the men with whom you had relations). They will have opportunities to write a book, thereby cashing in on your fame. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

The kid, stupendously wealthy, will be fine, probably better off without you, at least until she hits puberty, at which point she will have an opportunity to gain additional fame of her own.


That's pretty much it. Who will people remember 20 years from now? You or Hillary Clinton? You or Martha Stewart? You or Jennifer What's Her Name who nobody remembers now?

The really interesting question on all of this is: What if you had never done Step 1?

[strider3700]

sorry she's already old news. She can be out done by a little boozing and drugging followed by rehab then quitting and shaving your head. Hell go back to rehab, no sorry quit, beat on a photographer, screw it back to rehab all in under a week.

[Laughs_Last]

I'd rather just hire some guy to club Nancy Kerrigan in the knee cap.

[PrairieMule]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('emersonbiggins', 'A')hhh, that's too much work. How about running away at the altar, and claiming that you were kidnapped by Mexican bandits?

[sciencegirl]

If you want to be the most famous, you can kidnap the President Obama then tell all your friends. You will get fame up the Wazoo. Then bite off Obama's finger and keep referring to him as Frodo of the nine fingers. When you get caught and you will, keep muttering the phrase, "My Precious." You will be carted off to the looney bin but you will be famous.

[2cher]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('sciencegirl', 'I')f you want to be the most famous, you can kidnap the President Obama then tell all your friends. You will get fame up the Wazoo. Then bite off Obama's finger and keep referring to him as Frodo of the nine fingers. When you get caught and you will, keep muttering the phrase, "My Precious." You will be carted off to the looney bin but you will be famous.

[pup55]

I had forgotten about this thread. Since its original posting, many, many new ways have been found to become the most famous person in the US:

1. Pretend to launch your 6-year old into the sky with a helium balloon consisting of mylar and scotch tape, deny repeatedly having staged/faked the stunt until the kid barfs repeatedly on the Today Show.

2. Get yourself elected to Mayor of a small town in an underpopulated state. Immediately sell out to the oilfield interests, and by virtue of multimillion dollar campaign contributions, get yourself elected governor, at the expense of several thousand dollars per eligilble voter. Keep to the right wing loonie line, and on the basis of your looks and ability to completely ignore complex issues, become nominated to the Republican VP spot, at which point you defend your limited managerial skills and supposed ability to make tough choices, while you simultaneously engage in various incidents of political corruption. Also, as an added bonus, preach abstinence and personal responsibility, and cutting educational programs for teen pregnancy, while your teenage daughter becomes knocked up. When the going gets tough, abruptly resign to go onto a motivational speaking/book tour.

3. Aspire to become a model. Take any opportunity you can to get in front of a camera, up to and including sex tapes. You win Miss California, and somehow get the to pay for organizers of the Miss USA Beauty Pageant to pay for your breast implants. When you are questioned as part of the Q and A section, position yourself as the intolerant religious guardian of morality, and then as the controversy erupts, appear before various Christian organizations as a speaker, while the sex tapes gradually emerge...

I am sure we can think of some others.

[mos6507]

Here is another one. Become a myspace whore and then get beaten up by a celeb boyfriend. Follow that up by auctioning off a plaster cast of your fake boobs but make it seem like a humanitarian gesture.

[Maddog78]

I'm very pleased that I have no idea who that person is.