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Leaving the Family

Discussions related to the physiological and psychological effects of peak oil on our members and future generations.

Leaving the Family

Unread postby Nicholai » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 02:12:45

I'm 19 years old. My Mom calls my sweetie and usually has pancakes waiting for me in the fridge when I sleep in late on weekends. She does my laundry and folds my clothes. My Dad's a Fireman, my uncles and Fireman, my cousins a Fireman and my Grandpa was a Fireman. I'm expected to do the same. My Dad takes us out for fishing trips and teaches me how to shoot a gun and operate a chain saw. I have some great siblings, a nice house, a beautiful yard, a nice suburban city, a job with the provincial government and a job as a waiter at the fanciest restaurant in the city. What more could I ask for.

In a month and a half I'm going to drop everything and leave for Calgary to visit my Professor's ecovillage. After this, I'll go to Quebec to visit an ecovillage south of Quebec City.

It never really dawned on me up until now but there is a growing possibility that I will never live in this house again. I could be gone forever. I'm excited for the new experience but it never really settled in up until now. I heard Richard Heinberg say something of the same tune quite recently. The ideas he talked about were so abstract 3 or 4 years ago but now, as oil prices skyrocket and the sub prime crisis deepens, his speculation has finally come to fruition. It adds an air of panic to my plans. $250 oil in one years time.....I'm so lucky to be in the position I'm in....

I've saved up a little over $10,000.00 and although it isn't a great deal of money, I think my options are MUCH better than the vast majority of the population in both Canada and the US. The ecovillage in Quebec is selling 1-acre parcels of land for $20,000.00 and I'm hoping I can put a down payment to the ecovillage director of a few thousand dollars and build my Cob house by the end of 2009. I have a book on Cob construction ordered at Chapters and it should be delivered within the next few days.

I'm getting more and more nervous and I'm starting to question my pessimism. I know I'm right to leave. Mother Culture has been whispering in my ear and it's hard to shut it out. When your friends are buying nice cars, dating pretty girls and going to parties, I'm looking at building a mud hut in the boonies of French Canada. To conclude, the psyche has been, and will continue to be, a difficult beast to tame.

I just needed to vent.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Kingcoal » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 08:06:32

You're doing great, Nicholai. My advice is that since you are young, stay mobile for a while and be free. Putting down roots is for when you are older and married. Go out into the world and enjoy yourself for a couple of years. I'm not saying that you go wild and blow all your time and money. I'm just saying that in your time off from school, have fun, sow your wild oats. There is plenty of time for putting down roots later.

I say this because I have some friends, Engineers, who aren't very social and they married the first girl who smiled at them and put down roots too early. Now that they are approaching middle age, they regret not playing the field when they were younger. They have a lot of immature illusions of what it would have been like and it seems to affect their marriage. A couple of them even got divorced only to find that they missed that party. It's a right of passage when you are younger, so claim your rights. When you are older and married, you can occasionally reflect back on your wild years and crack a little smile.
"That's the problem with mercy, kid... It just ain't professional" - Fast Eddie, The Color of Money
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Windmills » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 09:44:04

Blood is thicker than water. I'd stay with my family and try to weather the storm there rather than buy into an ecovillage. Living might be friendly there at first, but will those flimsy bonds shatter under real stress? I think an extended family is a much better bet. What will happen when things get really bad in that village? Will the families of all the other villagers suddenly show up, overfilling the lifeboat? What alliances will form when times start to get tough, and will you be left out in the cold? You sound like you have a great family. I think that is one of the best yet most overlooked assets on this board. They will multiply your resources and reduce redundancy in needed items. I'm sure your family will look after you and protect you in the future. You can't be sure about a bunch of idealistic strangers.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby katnipkid » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 09:56:01

Here's my 10 cents worth:

What ever you do, hold on to the 10 grand. Or, at least, spend it wisely when you do spend it. That is amazing that at your age you have the discipline and wisdom to save your money. I sure didn't when I was 19. There are guys, and gals,too, that "sowed their wild oats" and STILL are unable to make ANY dreams come true because they never saved any money or got caught up chasing idiotic ideals and pursuing consumeristic goals. Some of these folks are in middle age or beyond! So what good are their dreams, huh? Are they bitter and disillusioned? YUP! To this day, they don't have the foresight or discipline to save cash. Some are only one paycheck away from financial disaster.

I am only expressing my opinion. What you do with your life and money is your business.Those are desicions only you can make. I don't want to tell you to do or not to do anything with your life and money. However, I hope you think twice before you blow all your cash going out having a good time. It is possible to have tons of fun without spending lots of cash. In my opinion, the "system" wants people to turn into mindless consumers of soulless garbage cranked out purely for profit by companies that care only for one thing- getting YOUR money and the environment or your well being be darned. Ever notice this? Most young folks don't, and laugh when an old timer points it out to them. If you ever work in retailing you will see what I mean.

Share your concerns with your parents and family. They are the best people to talk to.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby jlw61 » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 10:00:25

My two cents is go up there, LEARN EVERYTHING YOU CAN, and come home. Then take some time to decide. You may want to start an ecovillage in the states near your family. And believe me, with the family you describe, you want to be near them.
When somebody makes a statement you don't understand, don't tell him he's crazy. Ask him what he means. -- Otto Harkaman, Space Viking
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby vilemerchant » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 11:12:42

Preparing for PO is fine, but it doesn't mean you should give up sexing those pretty girls.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Daphne64 » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 13:47:56

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'P')reparing for PO is fine, but it doesn't mean you should give up sexing those pretty girls.


This sort of mindset is part of the reason why western civilization is in decline. Check your history books to see if a decline in mores correlated with the end of various civilizations. The national vision goes, the finances go south, but hey, there's a party tonight, dude...

Married people live longer and are happier. There may be some value to dating several people before getting married, but I have never seen a survey that positively correlates the number of life sex partners with happiness. Number of life sexual partners definitely correlates with number of venereal diseases picked up, and probably correlates with number of illegitimate children too.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby RedStateGreen » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:25:45

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Nicholai', '
')It never really dawned on me up until now but there is a growing possibility that I will never live in this house again.

Welcome to the real world. :)
$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('efarmer', '&')quot;Taste the sizzling fury of fajita skillet death you marauding zombie goon!"

First thing to ask: Cui bono?
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby hope_full » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 14:51:05

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', 'P')reparing for PO is fine, but it doesn't mean you should give up sexing those pretty girls.


And you wonder why intelligent women think that some men are just idiots? If I'd had a son (and I didn't), I'd sit that kid down and explain to him that he shouldn't have sex until he's ready to be a father because every act of sex could produce a child and creating a child is a massive financial, emotional and mental responsibility.

Nicholai is showing great maturity and responsibility and wisdom in thinking through these tough decisions. Why even *suggest* that he ruin his life with an unplanned pregnancy?
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby vilemerchant » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:06:19

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('hope_full', '
')And you wonder why intelligent women think that some men are just idiots?


I think it's pretty much a given that any intelligent man would think that some women are just idiots.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', ' ')If I'd had a son (and I didn't), I'd sit that kid down and explain to him that he shouldn't have sex until he's ready to be a father because every act of sex could produce a child


Yeah, maybe if you're in the Duggar family! :lol:

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', '
')Nicholai is showing great maturity and responsibility and wisdom in thinking through these tough decisions. Why even *suggest* that he ruin his life with an unplanned pregnancy?


I didn't suggest he get anyone pregnant. He made a point that other people are out dating pretty girls. Is that seriously a bad thing? If you date a pretty girl and then marry her you'd think it was great. But if you date a pretty girl and eventually it doesn't work out and you move on and maybe date another one and then another one somehow the whole process becomes bad? That's pretty stupid. I'm not suggesting he date/sex them all at once you know.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby FoxV » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:09:41

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Nicholai', 'I')t never really dawned on me up until now but there is a growing possibility that I will never live in this house again. I could be gone forever.

Don't worry, you'll be back home before very long.

Once you have a chance to step outside of that alternate reality that has become Alberta you'll come to appreciate what an unbelievable achievement it is to have $10K in savings and only 19.

After traveling a bit in Ontario and Quebec I'm sure you'll start to see why these particular parts of the planet are doomed (or at most managing to survive by sucking on the Federal hand out Teat).

I suspect you're Oil patch professor's "eco village" has a lot more Technology built into it than Ecology. If you want to see an "Real" post peak eco village, come down to my little neck of the woods and I'll take you out to see Upper Canada Village. This is the real model the world needs/will move to. Not Cob houses running off of solar panels, windmills, and a thousand other things that cannot be maintained with running out to the mall for made in China replacements.

At the end of the day, you're probably already living in one of the best pre-peak locations on the planet. I suggest you get everything you can out of it. Calgary will probably be one of the last places to fall apart in Canada, and when it does, the last place you want to be is starving to death on a 1 acre eco village plot in Quebec begging your neighbors for some propane to run your mosquito trap before you go insane.

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Nicholai', ' ')I'm looking at building a mud hut in the boonies of French Canada.

When you come to understood the full and many implications of this particular statement you will understand why your plan is a disaster in the making

Disclaimer: No I do not think that 7 Billion people can live the same lifestyle as an 18th century Canadian pioneer, but that won't stop the world from heading that way
Last edited by FoxV on Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:26:05, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby vetusfirma » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:21:49

The Eco village will be great adventures, and you will have few enough of those in the future. Heed the advice about your family. Villages are really just large families, and if you weren't borne there, you aren't from there. If you don't believe that just look at how they treat newbies on this site. So stick with family and those you know.

Good luck to you.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Devin » Tue 15 Jul 2008, 23:02:34

I tried something similar and though I was accepted for residency, after three weeks I'd had enough.

People were there to reduce consumption and save the world, and the community stuff was secondary.

If you decide to stay in an ecovillage, go because you love the people there and want to spend the rest of your life with them. You are basically making a family-level commitment to these people, and in your case you're even considering choosing these people over your family. But they're strangers, at least right now, and being afraid of a collapse is a really shitty reason to make this commitment.

So my suggestion based on my personal experience is to at the very least plan to include your family, at least until you establish strong relationships with the people there for reasons OTHER than fear of PO and its ramifications. Otherwise, you're leaving behind everyone that's important to you for no good reason.

I'm building my cob house in my backyard where I grew up, and I have to say this opportunity is easily worth the years of painful discussions and arguments with my parents it took to get where I am.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Nicholai » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 04:13:08

Quebecers are slightly looked down upon by some English Canadians as being too concerned about themselves (selfish). From the opposite standpoint, Quebecers have always had, and continue to have, a strong sense of community.

I talk to my Dad about peak oil and climate change on almost a daily basis. As I stated in a previous post, he understands the facts, the figures, the forecasts and all the rest...but to him, these problems are entirely abstract.

I'll need to see the ecovillage first hand and spend several weeks (possibly a few months) in Mont Radar before I make my decision.

As well, I will be seeing my professors ecovillage near Calgary before I leave for Quebec. My Prof is VERY aware of whats to come and has a wealth of knowledge that I cease to envy.

Remember, I'm basing my actions on the assumption that we will see $200 oil by 2009. Within 8-12 months. That gives me very little time to buckle down before major changes start to take place. If there's a time to make tough decisions, that time is now.

But again, the input is greatly appreciated. The differing perspectives are exactly what I'm looking for.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Muckingfess » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 09:38:41

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Nicholai', 'Q')uebecers are slightly looked down upon by some English Canadians as being too concerned about themselves (selfish). From the opposite standpoint, Quebecers have always had, and continue to have, a strong sense of community.

As well, I will be seeing my professors ecovillage near Calgary before I leave for Quebec. My Prof is VERY aware of whats to come and has a wealth of knowledge that I cease to envy.

If there's a time to make tough decisions, that time is now.

But again, the input is greatly appreciated. The differing perspectives are exactly what I'm looking for.


Here's my perspective:

Best option is learn from your professor friend that you respect. Go to his ecovillage for a short stay to get the skills you will need. Then bring those skills back to your family.

The French Canadians are not only looked down upon by English Canadians, but a LOT of others. My experience has been that they are not only selfish, but rude, arrogant, and basically assholes. Ask someone from Florida. The "strong sense of community" you speak of does not work in your favor. You are and will always be an outsider to them.

When I went to BC with a friend, I couldn't believe the difference. The people I met in BC and Alberta were great.

I know it's a lot like that here in the US, too. The people of NYC are not anything like people from the Southwest.

Learn and stay with your family.
A man should never wear a hat that has more character than he does.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby jlw61 » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 11:38:45

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Muckingfess', 'L')earn and stay with your family.


Indeed, when the SHTF, you'll be a fountain of knowledge and will gain great respect overnight. And, as a bonus, you'll give them a fighting chance at a future. So, go to Canada, learn everything you can this summer, if possible, go again next year. In the meantime, read, take some classes this fall, and get ready.

Think about it.
When somebody makes a statement you don't understand, don't tell him he's crazy. Ask him what he means. -- Otto Harkaman, Space Viking
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Homesteader » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 11:58:49

Agree with all the "stay with the family" posts. In a year or so events will play out and strengthen discussions you are having with your parents.

Share your resources with them as they have with you.

edited to add: IMHO the days of the fractured nuclear family are coming to an end and that is a good thing. The paradigm of growing up and moving far away being a given rite of passage is going to change shortly. My advice, stay put and beat the rush.
"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences…"
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Beliefs are what people fall back on when the facts make them uncomfortable.
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby Nicholai » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 12:49:13

I need to travel before I settle down.

My Dad is VERY nervous about making any major financial decisions. Especially when it come to something like peak oil or climate change. I'll need to visit the ecovillage in Alberta, the ecovillage in Quebec and Europe as well. My book on Cob Houses just came in today and I still can't get Norway out of my mind.

Why is it so hard to make decisions.

Why is it there are no other peak-oilers in my community I can chat with. A sea of idiots....gah....best of times, worst of times...
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Re: Leaving the Family

Unread postby katnipkid » Wed 16 Jul 2008, 19:36:35

There are surely other peak oilers in your community. You just don't know one another. When I started bringing up the discussion of PO, it was amazing the folks that agreed with it or at least knew about it. Be prepared to deal with those who will firmly disagree with the idea of PO, however.
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