[Heineken]

Here's the latest: Today they operated and gave my dad an artificial hip, after all. This was a reversal of what they were saying earlier (that he wasn't an acceptable candidate for an artificial hip).

The surgeon told my mom that my dad will in future be able to take only a couple of steps, at best, "although he may not want to." Whatever that means. Pain, I guess.

The surgeon also said that Dad definitely cannot return home. He will need continuous, complex medical care that only a nursing home can provide. My Dad has repeatedly threatened suicide if he cannot return home. But this may have been bluff. And maybe by now he will accept the reality of his condition. Maybe.

The postop period is dangerous, but, as I've said before, Dad is an incredibly gristly bird.

I'm betting he will be stabilized and live on for some period, at your expense.

[Denny]

My father just passed on six weeks ago, at age 81. Suddenly he could no longer walk, lost most of his major motor strength, and seemed to wander in and out of consciousness. So, he spent his last two weeks in the hospital, a place he had not spent a night in 38 years. Through the short ordeal, he never seemed to worry about himself. My sisters and I were far more worried about his condition than he was. They did so many tests - CAT scan, MRI, Xrays, blood tests, colonoscopy, plus a few others I forget and could not determine the source of the problem.

He seemed to be rallying on his last full day of life, and in fact, the doctors scheduled him to start physiotherapy two days later. I'm so glad I was able to spend most of that last day with him. But he surprised us all.

I wish now that I said some things that I had planned to say, the kind of things guys don't usually say to each other. Don't' store up your last words, you may never get the opportunity to use them.

[Ache]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('threadbear', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Ache', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Byron100', '
')
I am quite saddened at the way the end of life is handled in this modern age...why is it that people can't pass on with dignity, at the time when they're meant to go, instead of having to deal with such pain and suffering? My parents have long drilled into my heads that they don't plan to go this way, and repeatedly asked me to assist them in this way, such as not pursuing "heroic" life-saving measures. It's not a crime to keep a loved one at home for their final days, is it? It is their wish, and I will do my utmost best to grant it to them.

[fireplaceguy]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Denny', 'I') wish now that I said some things that I had planned to say, the kind of things guys don't usually say to each other. Don't' store up your last words, you may never get the opportunity to use them.

[PhebaAndThePilgrim]

Good evening from Pheba, from the farm:
I was my Mother's primary caregiver. She had terminal cancer and she lived with me. She passed away in my living room.
I will never forget how much she suffered. It was a relief when she was finally gone, and out of her pain. She was 65 when she died.
My grandmother, her mother, lived to be just two weeks shy of 100. She spent the last 9 of her last 11 years being cared for by my Mother. My mother never really had a life those last years.
She put her Mother in a nursing home on a Monday, and had surgery for colon cancer the following Friday. 17 months later she was gone.
My grandmother lingered in the nursing for 3 more years before finally passing away. She did not know who anybody was, and spent her time in pain and confusion.
My daughter is a nurse. During nursing school she worked at a nursing home. She kept some records of the amount of prescription drugs given to each elderly patient. The average she came up with was 17 prescription medications per patient.
After graduation she became a floor nurse in a hospital. She had many patients that came in taking between 15 to 20 prescription drugs. One woman with depression problems was on a staggering 33 prescription medications. It seems to me that the real winners in this scenario are the drug companies.
I would much rather die 10 to 15 years younger than linger in a drug induced, pain laden hell. Whatever happened to human dignity?
We used to have a neighbor, back in the 1980's. He was in his early 60's. He brought us hay during a drought, and helped all of his neighbors all of his life. His passion was turkey hunting. He often told his wife that he wanted to die hunting.
One evening he did not come home from hunting. Darkness came. His grown son, an only child, went to search for his dad.
He found him, sitting up against a tree, his gun across his lap, a look of peace on his face. He had died of heart failure.
What a way to go. True story.
Pheba.

[mercurygirl]

So sorry for your family's troubles. Hard to believe they did surgery if the odds are he won't be walking.

My dad is visiting me this week. He's another tough old bird. He's 83 and recently was diagnosed with colon cancer. They did a major surgery, then another when he became sick with an infection from gauze left behind. He then had chemotherapy, two laparoscopic surgeries on his liver, to which the cancer had spread, then another major surgery on the liver. For months his scans have been clear. He's beaten it, for now.

His greatest fear is a nursing home. He wants to die like his father, of a crushing heart attack and "be dead before he hits the floor". I hope he gets his wish.

Hang in there, H.

[Byron100]

Yeah, my dad (who's now 70) has a deathly fear of both nursing homes and hospitals...so if he comes down with something, he'll try to work it out so he can pass on at home...those 2, 3, 4 more extra years of life he might gain from having multiple surgeries, procedures, and then spending his final days at a nursing home isn't going to work for him. And my mother feels the same way as well, although my sister and I have made a pact to keep her in alternating periods of six months at a time in our respective homes, bringing in caretakers as needed.

As for me, I KNOW I won't ever go into a nursing home, as they simply will not exist in my old age...hehe. 40 years past peak, if I make it that long, there isn't going to be much of anything left around. I do look forward to dying a "natural death"...if I get the cancer or some other deadly illness, I'm just going to lie low and say my good-byes then...as I have a mortal fear of hospitals that's worse than my fear of death. But then again, I don't fear death as much as I should...:/

My biggest fear, if America doesn't go fully socialist by 2020 or so, is getting the routine medical care that's pretty much essential for getting through my 50's and 60s...as the cost for anything medical will be astronomically high. Unless, of course, we socialize the economy and ration out basic medical care for those who truly need it, such as still-productive citizens in their 50's and 60's.

[Heineken]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('mercurygirl', 'S')o sorry for your family's troubles. Hard to believe they did surgery if the odds are he won't be walking.

[Heineken]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Byron100', 'Y')eah, my dad (who's now 70) has a deathly fear of both nursing homes and hospitals...so if he comes down with something, he'll try to work it out so he can pass on at home...those 2, 3, 4 more extra years of life he might gain from having multiple surgeries, procedures, and then spending his final days at a nursing home isn't going to work for him. And my mother feels the same way as well, although my sister and I have made a pact to keep her in alternating periods of six months at a time in our respective homes, bringing in caretakers as needed.

As for me, I KNOW I won't ever go into a nursing home, as they simply will not exist in my old age...hehe. 40 years past peak, if I make it that long, there isn't going to be much of anything left around. I do look forward to dying a "natural death"...if I get the cancer or some other deadly illness, I'm just going to lie low and say my good-byes then...as I have a mortal fear of hospitals that's worse than my fear of death. But then again, I don't fear death as much as I should...:/

My biggest fear, if America doesn't go fully socialist by 2020 or so, is getting the routine medical care that's pretty much essential for getting through my 50's and 60s...as the cost for anything medical will be astronomically high. Unless, of course, we socialize the economy and ration out basic medical care for those who truly need it, such as still-productive citizens in their 50's and 60's.

[Zardoz]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Heineken', '.')..I told him I loved him, and he looked doubtfully at me and said, "Do you?"

He seems to blame me, somehow, for his predicament. Particularly the nursing-home prospect, which now appears certain and permanent.

[Heineken]

That thought occurred to me on the long drive back home, Z. Thank you for reinforcing it in your typically incisive way; I find that comforting.

No, he's not making much sense anymore. Severe PTSD, mild dementia, and years of psychoactive drugs have taken their toll. And now he's facing the end, in pain, and what sense is there in that?

Still, somehow I'm disappointed that he's not going out with more grace and courage.