by mindfarkk » Wed 09 Feb 2005, 10:57:05
for the OP... give it time. keep talking about it, about your feelings. be honest but keep it simple. and give it time. acceptance takes a while, redefining your world view takes a while. try to avoid extremes. yes, it's heartbreaking. try reading "desiderata", it helps me. also "beyond good and evil" is a good philosophy (shameless plug for my own POV). remember the world has always been full of this kind of madness. it doesn't mean people are all bad. try not to project out too much. sure, it *could* eventually mean the end of the world as we know it (believe me, the world will go on, with or without us), but extreme thinking usually comes straight out of extreme fear and anger - it has no perspective, it's a primal response. try to let it go. you don't actually know what the outcome will be, and it's as easy to try to envision the best case as the worst. yes, it's very frightening and it's very enraging, it's a bitter pill, it's incredibly disappointing to realize with all we know and have accomplished and learned, this is where we are as a species. we are very perverse!!! i have totally been there these last few months. but some of that is my internal alarm system, not just the information itself. get some emotional support. i have talked very plainly with my therapist about PO, which was difficult because i was afraid she would just write me off as a nutcase. but then again if she did, i'd know something about her, and find someone else. fortunately i presented the information first and as plainly as i could, my emotional and intellectual reaction to it, and we have been able to talk - not just about the logic, or the information, but how much of my reaction is just my stuff, and is counterproductive, and how much is (for lack of a better word) "legitimate" and effective response to *how things are now* as well as how they could get. i dunno, it helped me get some balance back. i don't feel as overwhelmed. i feel like i need to keep an eye on things, but like i can wait also, and take care of first things first.
to wit, there is simply too much that has to happen right now financially, materially, physically, intellectually, for me to be in a big rush. it's going to be about 3 years before i can be financially solvent, period - before i can even begin digging myself out of debt. after that, with good fortune, i can dig myself out of my student loans in ten or fifteen years. i might be able to assume a mortgage in that time, but leaving the state would be difficult to say the least. so i'm tied to a very expensive area. i've decided to deal with it all this way;
1) to learn and practice as many skills as i can, which i like to do anyway. that's everything from post-PO type trades to survival skills.
2) water purifiers. that and ultra-cold-weather sleeping bags i consider essential in an emergency. anything else we can make or do for ourselves.
3) pay off my student loan debts, work on my relationship til we get to a point where i'm confident we can work together in a crisis as a team, and to a point where we can co-invest in some property. property will probably be a house with enough square footage for me to start a garden and not in the city.
i honestly see that PO *could* have horrific consequences in my immediate neighborhood (i recognize it already has for many people). and, in fact, i can't see anything that's going to stand in the way of same. at the same time, because i can't see them all, doesn't mean there's not a lot of mitigating factors in how this plays out (quickly, slowly, etc.); maybe it will not be instant disaster, easilly rampant unemployment et al, yes, social unrest but not necessarily a state of martial law and complete breakdown of society.
it appears to me that to react too strongly, too fast, due to my material situation, health, etc., will in my situation weaken my position in almost any scenario. i'm going still going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, but right now my plan by necessity has to be long term (meaning 10-15 years out). so i'm hoping life in the U.S. will hold together at least that long. i think it's certainly possible, maybe even more likely.
today i want to simply wait, learn, and observe. and i just have to be patient with the fact that i'm not in a position to get off the grid just yet. but i can feed my brain, practice skills, and strengthen the underpinning of my life, which is my network of friends and most of all, my life partner. if anyone can fight elbow to elbow with me, who i would trust with my life, it would be him.
it's a gift to have some heads-up on what's coming. i feel grateful for that. i'm not going to be ambushed by this. that will have to be my main asset for now.
what, me worry?