[threadbear]

OilMastery, You're not backing up your assertions that Common Ground endorses state sponsored Communism. If you can't back it up, you are sloganeering, not communicating a valid point.

[TheTurtle]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('threadbear', 'O')ilMastery, You're not backing up your assertions that Common Ground endorses state sponsored Communism. If you can't back it up, you are sloganeering, not communicating a valid point.

[davep]

I suspect that your loneliness is compounding your grief.

My wife lost her mother and our daughter four years ago, after she had already lost her brother and father too early.

Our world fell apart. I'm still not sure how we managed to stay together. A rather insensitive colleague told me at the time that 75% of couples split up after losing a child. I guess I bloody-mindedly tried to avoid becoming a statistic.

Your grief will fade. Of course you won't forget, but things will become more bearable. The wisdom of life is unfortunately hard earned.

If you have any old friends you can invite round for an extended stay, it may help. I think you need to ensure you maintain or improve your social life. If anything comes of it, great. If not, at least it will help you think of other things for a while.

[Aaron]

Small moves.

I have learned to walk twice in my life, (so far <gasp>), one which I don't recall... & I discovered a basic truth about my world & myself.

If I break it down to small enough chunks, I can accomplish almost anything.

Sometimes it was as pathetic as making it through the next 15 minutes... or retrieving a cup from a cupboard out of my reach. Other times facing loss and pain so big I could not contain them... So I didn't. Just one tiny piece at a time.

Small moves.

Another thing I discovered, is that if I pretend I'm something long enough... I eventually forget I'm pretending .

The first day it's just a silly lie.

Same thing next day.

And the next & so on.

Until one day after many repetitions of the lie, I'm surprised to discover it isn't a lie at all.

So just start pretending that what you want is already true.

Before you know it... it will be true.

After all... what is a brain surgeon?

Somebody who said to themselves one day... "I'm gonna be a brain surgeon." Then they proceed to read about brains... chop up old dead brains, watch others chop on live brains, all while pretending they are skilled brain surgeons.

Until one day... they are skilled brain surgeons.

(Oh yeah... and I have no feet!)

[MD]

Short on words, high on love energies coming your way. Close your eyes, let them connect.

Stay connected where ever you can.

Life is Good

[wisconsin_cur]

I don't know that anything can be said when faced with losses of that magnitude.

I only know this, only that which we value can cause us suffering, children, parents, and others that we love. I don;t know that it is any solace but it seems that you are suffering for the loss of the right things.

As long as their are people experiencing the right kind of suffering than there are people who have value what is truly good, and not the things sold to us by madison avenue.

This gives me hope.

[IanC]

I agree that having children makes all this Peak Oil, geopolitical meltdown stuff all the more depressing. I feel so many conflicting emotions: pride that my kids are PO aware and understand at a rudimentary level about depletion and scarcity; guilt that they will live in the world that's coming; hope because the world will need good people like them; disappointment because of previous generations' failures. In many ways, just enjoying them and our time together while they are young can be a great salve to the chancres of current events. At the same time, kids are a LOT of work and take all you can give...and then some.

Hang in there,

IanC
Portland

[thuja]

Shanny-

No words of wisdom here...Just some love from your Northwest brother...Hope you can find some peace and small comfort in the days ahead...

[Bas]

Sounds like you had a very rough time Shanny, especially if you feel there's no one around to "lean on" a bit in what sounds like the most unfortunate year anyone could have I also think you're tough one, which is good for making yourself carry on, but maybe a disadvantage when confronting the grief itself. Time is probably the most important factor when it comes to taking the edge of the pain, but then again don't stop and wait for it, it might take quite long.

I guess what's important, and what you're doing now is that you acknowledge for yourself you're probably at the deepest low of your life, and that you also get outside acknowledgement of that. It sounds a bit like you've been running ahead of everything that has happened to you lately and it now is catching up with tough you? I guess I might be wrong; I don't know you that well. I hope this helps a little bit though, despite that some of those things might sound very cliche to you

[threadbear]

Shanny, If it's any consolation, remember, things can turn around so fast, it can be astonishing. I think you're in your mid to late thirties, so you're acutely aware of any change in your appearance, but believe me, it's hard to get perspective on that.

When I was your age, I was in similar circumstances. I hadn't suffered the same loss of family, but was trapped and impoverished due to a long term disability. As far as I could see, at that point, my life stretched on to death in a predictable pattern of meaningless emptiness, and lonliness.

Most of my friends lived far away, were preoccupied with their own lives, and lost interest in me, when I could no longer keep up physically. I had no children and no hope of ever having them, which was a blessing, but also carried with it the quiet curse of subtracting potential meaning and substance. On days I was physically well enough to get up, I could function for about an hour, then would have to sit and rest for the rest of the day.

Afer several months of this, I began to feel despair and an accompanying dread that the despair wouldn't lift. So I did the only thing an agnostic could do, I said out loud to "whatever" that, if "they" were there, I needed any kind of help, they/he/she/it, could manage, even if it was just a two week vacation from feeling so physically lousy.

My life changed from that day onward. It may be purely coincidental, but I have to think after 37 years of difficulty there was likely more to it. The why's and wherefore's are lost on me. It doesn't make any sense to my rational mind, but there it is. I can PM you with more if you'd like to hear it. I'm far from a Come to Jesus type, believe me

[Ludi]

Shanny, I wish you didn't live hundreds of miles away, I would love to be in community with you.

You are an inspiration, and have been a great help to me. Thank you so much.


Take care.

[Narz]

Well, I don't have any platitudes for you, nor can I (nor anyone) ever relate completely to your struggle (but certainly bits & pieces, I lost my best friend three years ago and have been somewhat estranged from my own folks for over a dozen years) but good luck & "God" (fortune, fate, the universe, whatever) bless.

[EnergyUnlimited]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Shannymara', ' ')I have been unable to avoid industrializing my beautiful son, being myself wholly industrialized from birth, and living in a wholly industrialized nation.

[Ferretlover]

Silly girl, you have us......

[threadbear]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('EnergyUnlimited', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Shannymara', ' ')I have been unable to avoid industrializing my beautiful son, being myself wholly industrialized from birth, and living in a wholly industrialized nation.

[Ferretlover]

"Lonliness and grief are not the exclusive domain of those in complete financial deprivation. They are completely normal reactions to loss."

Remember that-They are completely normal reactions.

[PhebaAndThePilgrim]

Good day from Pheba, from the farm:
I can not imagine the depths of your pain. I also have suffered. Most of us have. Every person deals with grief in different ways. I had a hospice counselor after my Mother died.
I was her caregiver with cancer. I also dealt with alcoholic family members, a violent sadistic stepfather, etc. I developed a pretty bad case of post traumatic stress disorder. I was a mess. Then I developed cancer. (I am not considered a cure)
After Mom died I was so pissed off. My hospice counselor suggested I dig some holes. Sounds weird I know. But, I ordered 40 roses, and would not let my husband help me. I dug the holes by myself. My counselor was right. that did help.
After about 6 months my counselor had me start volunteer work at a local food bank. that was almost 8 years ago, and I am still doing volunteer work. Helped me a lot.
But, as I said above, we each have to deal with grief in our own way. I do agree with you on how peak oil is even more depressing when you have children. I have one grown daughter and 3 grandsons. I grieve for the future of my grandsons. but, I do not despair. My daughter is peak oil aware. She and the son in law, and my hubby and I work to help build independence and knowledge in the grandsons. This morning my daughter field dressed a deer and the meat will go in their freezer. That knowledge is being passed on. When I look back on how industrialized and materialistic my daughter used to be I am amazed.
Sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job trying to instill the right mindset and knowledge in your son. Even if he sounds industrialized, you will be surprised at what else he carries with him. I am seeing this in my grandsons. they love spongebob, and Spiderman, but they are also absorbing skills and knowledge they need to survive an uncertain future.
Do not despair. Just do what you can, do it day to day, and lean on your friends.
I am an atheist, but oddly enough it is a Christian song that helped me through some of my darkest hours. I share the lyrics with you.

Press On
Billy Luz Sprague and Jim Weber

I was down in the valley of the shadow of death
Where the passion for life drained like blood from my chest
And it took more than my will just to take a step
When the compass of hope was gone.

In a silence so black that I wished for the blues
Every desparate prayer seemed like Heaven refused
And some days I found faith meant just tying my shoes
And it was all I could do to press on

Press on, mi ago
Press on, Mon ami
Walk on in the face of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
through the darkness till dawn
Tie your shoes, my dear friend... and press on.

On the ocean so lonesome I was not left alone
Had some heavyweight friends when my heart was a stone
And they carried the heartache and made it their own
When the currents of sorrow were strong

One said, " I pray your memories will not drag you down
Not be anchors but treasures of the love that you found"
And his kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow
And a wind in my sails to press on

Press on, mi amigo
Press on, Mon ami
Walk on in the face of the mystery
Though the night hides the light
and the journey is long
lean on me, my dear friend... and press on.

Pheba

[PhebaAndThePilgrim]

Pheba, typo. Should read I am now considered a cure. !!
Cancer free for 4 years.

[americandream]

I split with my ex six months ago....couldn't reconcile what I knew about this world with the denial our marriage had become, and I tend to be a loner in this otherwise crazy cornucopia I am surrounded by.

Life is what it is...you do what you have to to stay ahead of the play and you take your knocks.....at the end of the day, you're on your own and if you can come to learn to enjoy your own company, mate, learn to enjoy that space you call YOU despite the ups and downs, everything else is easy.

[vision-master]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('', ' ')I am caring for a young child, goats, a guard dog, chickens, plants and trees, and several housepets, and all of them take more than they give emotionally (especially the child). Yet all of them are necessary.