I have been married twice, divorced once. I (now) am happily married with a wonderful husband (electrical engineer) who asked me if I needed a big old diamond ring, and I said "NO"!!!!
I HATE diamonds! HATE HATE HATE THEM. Rubies are another matter, however,and get my motor purring.
In Europe, people don't always get diamond rings for their engagement. Sometimes, folks get sapphires, rubies, or emeralds (however, emeralds are not for everyday wear.)
First marriage, I had the diamond ring thing (engaged in '86) but after the divorce, I sold it. (this IS a woman's perogative, since it IS hers unless she renegs on the oath- then she should return it.) I think my ex and I did it since our parents expected it of us, but we could have gone by with just bands, and have been just as happy, although my father would have thought he was a cheap-ass.
I now have a gold band, and hubby has one too, but hardly wears it, since he is not a jewelry wearer. I am in horticuture, and that kind of gemstone encrusted stuff and my job is not a mix. He has bought me a ruby ring, and that is what I like to wear when going out, with my band. It was all of 140.00 with 2 diamonds side set. (gold). When I see that RED, I think "passion"! and it makes me smile remembering my husband, as I grab his hand all the tighter as we walk down the street when we go out.
THAT is what a ring..as a symbol..should provoke. It also should stand as the symbol of your oath to her, and should represent YOU. If you can't afford a big honkin' ring, that's OK..it is not within your means, and thus not "you"!
It is also about what is important to you, and what is between you.
I think Smiley's ring story of how he made his ring by hand..was truly enchanting, and any woman of character SHOULD be thrilled to wear a ring like that! Smiley, your wife is INDEED a lucky woman to be wearing your passion on HER finger!
You may want to consider something channel-set (that means the gems are IN the band, not sticking out with prongs way up high) because she is a doctor, and it is not practical in her profession. Most MD's I know wear bands, and that suffices. She cannot risk scratching a patient whilst examining them. You can set stones within the bands if that is an issue where she would like a little bit of sparkle.
Whether big or small, your ring should involk a feeling of who you are, and what is between you both. It can involk elements of your culture, for instance, or just be plain and simple. It should reflect who YOU are.
Years ago, I worked downtown (Chicago, where I am ) as an office manager for a company that had an office in the "Maller's Building" where there are many jewelers. I got to know a few of them, and the first thing they told me was to BUY the stone seperately, THEN pick out the ring/setting. Have it set by a REPUTABLE jeweler, having papers on the stone. What papers "are" are the Gem Institute's readings on what that particular stone is, and why it is worth what it is. Then have an INDEPENDENT appraiser look at the stone, and verify that the stone IS what it says it is on the certificate. (so you know you are NOT being hoodwinked, even if you are spending less than 5000.00. (Especially if you are spending less, that is where stones get switched OUT alot.) Then AFTER the stone is set, take it BACK to the appraiser and make sure they did not damage it. (mine was damaged, I lost the diamond, and I made the jeweler give me another one. This was 4 months before my wedding, and it was set improperly. This was from the ex.)
You need to either go to a good jeweler, or a gem show and know a reputable stone broker, if you are going to be buying a stone. Look and educate yourself on cut, color and clarity BEFORE you know so they don't hoodwink you. Also know how they grade diamonds so you understand if you are getting taken for a ride. Also make sure the TABLE of the stone is just right, this was my mistake when I bought the diamond, it was not cut correctly, which made it more fragile, and set into the setting it was in, made it get broken that much more easily. Here is a place where you can make a better informed choice. I think you get taken at those "Mall" type places, and they sell inferior grade stuff, and most folks don't know the difference. Go to a gem show and you WILL see a difference. Plus, you will see different cuts by lapidary artists that normally aren't seen in other places, so your piece CAN be original.
You may also want to think about purchasing platinum for a band as well, as it is a good investment.
Don't forget, your children will also look at their mother's band, and know it is a symbol of both of you. I always looked at my mother's set and was happy for her. (she had a mid-size set from my father, and he bought her a wonderful diamond anniversary band for their 40th, which she was very proud of.)
So, you have your homework, educate yourself about stones online, or go to a gem show and look around first..then figure out what "says" you, and her, and what you can afford. Then, see if she wants a diamond or a colored stone, your cultural imperatives, and then, pay the bill...and enjoy. Even if it is 2 simple gold bands.
I just thought you'd like to have some input from one of the "mom-types" on board. Good luck on your hunt!
