[Prince]

Most of us on this site are pretty practical given the circumstances that brought us here in the first place. I make a pretty good salary, but I hate spending money frivolously.

With that, I will likely propose to my girlfriend later this summer. I spoke to a few of my (high maintenance) female friends, and the size and dollar amount they expect in a ring is absurd. They say spend between $10k - 15k, which is NOT going to happen. Period. Thankfully, in spite of a few other flaws, my girlfriend is not materialistic at all. In fact, I almost think she'd be pissed at me for spending that much on a ring, especially when that money can go to other uses.

However, as I've mentioned in other threads, she's an MD and there's a certain level of class and flashiness expected in a doctor's ring. Most of her friends and colleagues that are engaged/married have rocks the size of a baseball. Call me cheap if you will, but I really don't want to go above $5k, but I might have to in order to fit the status quo, and if she wasn't a doctor, I wouldn't even go that high. I guess when/if we are married money doesn't really become an issue, but this whole "buy the biggest ring you can" idea makes me uncomfortable.

Any advice here would be nice--hopefully more than the overused cliches, such as "spend 2 months salary" or "buy what you can afford".

[dbruning]

When I proposed to my fiance I went for a $4000 ring.

As a possibility, sometimes proposing with a ring already in the family isn't a bad thing. It has a sentimental flavoring to it that might outweigh what her friends are expecting

"Yes Gwen, I didn't spend $15,000 like you suggested. But only because this ring has been in the family for 58 generations and was worn by the 5th Baroness of Bratsworst. Obviously my bride is worth such a ring, and it would have been an insult to her not to have offered it to her..."

[Eli]

Another Idea is go the antique ring route.

I know of a good pawnshop around here that sells very good quality rings, key here is they are reputable. Do not just open the phone book but ask around. But you have to be careful and take it to a gemologist that is certified and the one you choose.

You might be able to find something with class that fits the bill and is not just your average ring.

[topcat]

Ditto with dbruning's 'heirloom' idea.

I got off cheap. Picked up two older diamond rings that were filigree rings in white gold, at an auction. Spent more having the one resized than it cost to buy.

Since both me and wife like to go to auctions, like antiques, and are cheap, it worked out well.

Lucky my wife is an RN and not a doctor, well maybe I wish she was a doctor now!

That's a tough one.

[lateStarter]

I have to ask... If she wasn't a doctor, but instead perhaps worked as an assistant manager at IHOP, would you still marry her?

Is she aware of your PO dark side?

Is she not capable of skipping the whole ring thing? Did you even ask her about it? Perhaps she'd accept the fact that the money could be better spent elsewhere... Give her a chance...

OTOH with both your incomes, maybe its not worth worrying about. Express your concerns and doubts, but reassure her you will do whatever it takes to make her happy. Just make sure that some of that MD income gets diverted to what is important... YKWIM

[Prince]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('lateStarter', 'I') have to ask... If she wasn't a doctor, but instead perhaps worked as an assistant manager at IHOP, would you still marry her?

Is she aware of your PO dark side?

[Aaron]

The ring ritual developed from dominant males scent-marking their females, as a warning to rival males that she is "taken".

Same thing.

So actually scent-marking her should do just fine.

I'm afraid if you don't pony up for the big rock Mrs. "I Have an Image to Maintain" may not say squat to you about it... but her friends will.

Here's another idea:

Instead of marrying her, just keep her as a girlfriend. Then find some other woman you don't like, & buy her a house.

That way, the stranger you don't like becomes the bitchy Ex living in your house, & the Dr. remains your hot, fun girlfriend.

Happiness ensues.

[lateStarter]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Prince', '')$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('lateStarter', 'I') have to ask... If she wasn't a doctor, but instead perhaps worked as an assistant manager at IHOP, would you still marry her?

Is she aware of your PO dark side?

[UncoveringTruths]

Don't do it!

I was married for 5 years now divorced she kept the ring.

Found a new one didn't get married or buy a ring been living with her for ten years now never happier.

I haven't figured out what the problem with marriage is yet. After the first experience I am insensitive to the marriage contract business adventure.

"If first you don't succeed parachuting is not for you"

[frankthetank]

Don't get married. I just did this summer. Nothing changes, except now if something would happen a lawyer gets to rob both of us! Get married and then she'll want kids.

[strider3700]

If I remember correctly the ring I bought was $1400. Everyone gets all shocked at the size of the rock but really it's not that large. The secret is get a good stone and pick a mount that makes it look large. I looked at a 1carot solitare that was listed at $10,000 just stupid looking to have a rock that size.

If the woman is worth marrying then she won't care what the ring is like. It's what it symbolizes that is important.

All toll rings came in at $2100 for the both of us, wedding went over budget and came to $4700 mostly because I bought a suit instead of renting a tux. and the rest of the $10K I was budgeting went to the honeymoon.

I'm very happy with my titanium ring. She seems to love her rings. The wedding had 50 people and it all worked out great. No complaints from anyone and lots of compliments. We didn't go far for the honeymoon and she would have prefered somewhere hot and sunny instead. So if I was doing it again I'd have taken us to Mexico for a week.

These weddings you see on TV that cost as much as a house are stupid wastes.

[I_Like_Plants]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('Prince', 'I') spoke to a few of my (high maintenance) female friends, and the size and dollar amount they expect in a ring is absurd. They say spend between $10k - 15k, which is NOT going to happen. Period. Thankfully, in spite of a few other flaws, my girlfriend is not materialistic at all.
However, she's an MD and there's a certain level of class and flashiness expected in a doctor's ring.

Any advice here would be nice--hopefully more than the overused cliches, such as "spend 2 months salary" or "buy what you can afford".

[I_Like_Plants]

$this->bbcode_second_pass_quote('lateStarter', 'I') have to ask... If she wasn't a doctor, but instead perhaps worked as an assistant manager at IHOP, would you still marry her?

[topcat]

Do you happen to see the segment on diamond rings that 60 minutes did recently? (Pretty sure it was 60 min).

They bought similar size, cut, clarity, etc rings from Costo (I think) and a very famous jewelry store. Took them to a certified gemoligist and had each appraised. You can figure out the ending. Way over paid for the high end store's stone.

Sounds like you want to go the new-bought route, so you best shop hard.

[AlCzervik]

http://www.nomarriage.com/

Anyway, this same thread has come up a couple of times on another board. I think anything over $5K and she's a golddigga.
linky
linky

[eastbay]

We agreed to spend nothing.

Skip the entire business-created phoniness of 'engagement rings' and instead spend a few hundred on simple wedding ring bands.

Immediately after getting engaged (early 90's) we put a big down on a house instead and after trading houses a few times over the past 15 years or so we now have a nice nest egg and no more bothersome house payment.

Get off to a wise beginning.
Less material equals more happiness.
More material equals more unhappiness.

It's just another approach to your question.

[smiley]

Well I spent about $15 on the engagement ring for my wife.

I made my on stone. I made two different types of glass one slightly ruby and one green. I melted them together so that the colors of the two glasses started to twirl like a cats eye. I gave it a heat treatment so that it partly crystallized. From the resulting gob I selected a nice piece, cut it, ground it into shape, and polished it.

I was planning to make my own ring. But after some failed experiments with casting brass in self made moulds I decided that I was not confident enough with metalwork to try on silver. I also was anxious to propose as the ring 'project' already had taken a lot of time. Instead I bought a silver ring from a store removed the cheap imitation gem and fitted my stone instead.

It might not be the most expensive ring, but it certainly is the only one of its kind in the world. And I have certainly made up for it in hours. It took many weeks of sifting through glass formulas, learning about gem shaping, trying, testing and not to mention endless evenings of grinding and polishing to get the thing right.

It is funny. Some of my wife's friends are of the bigger the stone the better type. Yet when my wife tells the story of how her husband to be was disappearing evenings at a row without revealing his whereabouts or the reason, and how she was getting worried until he finally reappeared with a ring, I do sense a glimmer of jealousy.

I guess what I'm wanting to say is. When you propose to someone you should give him/her a token of your trust. A part of yourself as collateral so to speak. And that part does not necessarily have to be part of your wallet.

(By the way when we got married we had a real goldsmith make the rings, mainly because we wanted to make certain that they were on time).

EDIT. I almost forgot. Congratulations. May she prove to be a worthy catch

[Eli]

Oh don't let'em drag ya down Prince.

Go the Costco route that is good idea, retail jewelry is scam. But don't ever tell her you got her ring at costco.

[FourOfSwords]

How much to spend? Zero, nada, zilch! Instead MAKE her a ring.
Put YOUR love into making it. Once she finds out YOU made it imbued with your thought and devotion, she may just realize how much you do care for you...if she doesn't...well, you draw your own conclusions. How much one spends is an indicator of nothing.
A.
P.S. After my divorce from my first wife, the ring she gave me well, had less than no value to me, so I chucked it into Lake Ontario. Now, I'm hoping well after PO and the worlds' a saner place, and the Great Lakes have dried up(10,000 years +), some poor(hunter/gatherer) sap will dig it up and concoct some sappy love story on how 'the ring' from the wise 'old times' fell into the lake...hehehe. :O
A.

[Eli]

Prince just buy a metal detector and go search any park , you may luck out and find a ring. If not you will find plenty of pull tabs and can give her one of those as a ring.

"Look honey I love you and I am saving the environment"

If you do that I can guarantee you that you will not contribute to overshoot, because she will ever sleep with you again.

Did I ever tell you how you can make a evening gown out of old trash bags.